– Reading from bottom of the page up
Diary Journal for Successful Living
JANUARY – The Foundations of Success
FEBRUARY – A Strategy for Success
MARCH – A Good Self-Image
APRIL – Living Like a King
MAY – A Successful Career
JUNE – Successful Learning Skills
JULY – Successful Communication
AUGUST – Successful Relationships
SEPTEMBER – Power Over Problems
OCTOBER – Success With Stress
NOVEMBER – Successful Use of Time
DECEMBER – Abundant Living
Wisdom From The Past
“To make no mistakes is not in the power of man; but from their errors and mistakes the wise and good learn wisdom for the future.”
– Plutarch, Greek Historian and Philosopher (46–120 AD)
“The maxim ‘Know Yourself’ …should be imprinted in the heart and stored in the memory.”
– Juvenal (55–140 AD)
“O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood, as to understand; to be loved, as to love; for it is in giving that we receive…”
– St Francis of Assisi (1181–1226)
DECEMBER 31
A Prayer
“O God who changest not with changing years, we creatures of time, look back along the road we have come. We thank thee for all thy loving kindness and tender mercies along the way. When the road has been dark thou hast not failed us, though we have often failed thee. Forgive us and help us to do better.
We look forward, not knowing what may befall… Help us to live a day at a time, to trust thee as much in the shadow as in the sunshine and to find our way by the light of thy will.
O thou who art both guide and goal, whose companionship is our stay and strength, go with us, we pray thee, into the New Year and bring us at last to our journey’s end in peace.
Through Jesus Christ our LORD.” – Reverend Leslie D Weatherhead (1883–1975)
The Principles of Successful Living
1). Ask the right foundational questions
2). Success is being the best that you can be
3). Act yourself into a new way of thinking
4). See life as lessons to be learned
5). Take control of your life
6). Have a clear plan for your life
7). What you focus on decides what you’ll become
8). Have a strategy of small steps
9). I am a victor over, not a victim of my circumstances
10). How you see yourself is the most important factor
11). Find what you do well and seek to excel at it
12). Confidence isn’t given to you – you have to claim it
13). What you believe is what you receive or achieve
14). Change your thinking and you change your life
15). The way you see things determines your reaction
16). You need to learn how to learn successfully
17). The mind recalls images easier than facts or figures
18). Abundant life begins with what God thinks of you, and what you think of yourself
19). Take the risk and love
20). You need a relationship with God. Not just a religion
21). What you sow is what you reap.
DECEMBER 30
Live a Full Life
“These are my last words to you: Do not be afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.” – Prof. William James
To live your life to the full you need to:
A = Accept responsibility. I can change my life because I can change my thoughts.
B = Believe you can. I believe that I can live a full and an abundant life.
U = Unify your personality. I will keep my inner and outer life in harmony.
N = Nurture your potential. I will nurture every area of my personality so that I am fully alive.
D = Direct your life. I will take control of my destiny by taking control of my thinking.
A = Alter your attitudes. I will develop positive attitudes to God, others, myself, and my problems.
N = Never give up. I will never give up trying, or appreciating the wonders of nature.
T = Trust people. I will trust others until they prove otherwise.
Question – Do you act as if what you do makes a difference?
Affirm – I will remove any obstacles which prevents me from loving God, others, or myself.
DECEMBER 29
T = Trust Others
“We’re all like blind men on a corner – we’ve got to learn to trust people, or we’ll never cross the street.” – George Foreman, American boxer (b. 1949)
At the beginning of time God made the statement: “It is not good for man to be alone”.
We all need relationships to enrich our lives. The way we treat other people will affect the way they will respond to us.
The Arapaho Indians have a proverb: “When we show our respect for other living things, they respond with respect for us.”
Virtually all of the great thinkers and writers of history have noticed an important principle.
Principle 21 of Successful Living
What you sow is what you reap
This is never truer than in the area of relationships. The secret is seeing others as friends. I recently noticed a sign over a hotel door which read: “There are no strangers in here, only friends that you haven’t yet met.” The New Zealand Māori word for enemy is “Hoa Riri” which means “Friends in anger”.
Question – Do you see strangers as friends to be met?
Affirm – I’ll trust people.
DECEMBER 28
Never Give Up (2)
Wondering
“The happiest man is he who learns from nature the lesson of worship.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803–82)
Learn to be more observant. Appreciate the beauty and the wonder of nature. We live on a planet of outstanding beauty, but most of the time we are too busy rushing around to take time to enjoy it. Learn to appreciate all that you see and let a sense of wonder rise in your soul.
From my study, where I am writing, I look down onto a tract of rolling fields with beautiful trees engulfing the perimeter. During the summer I sometimes go and sit around the back and watch the sun set on the river, to just enjoy the beauty and the tranquillity.
Question – Do you appreciate all that you see?
Affirm – I thank God for eyes to behold this beautiful world.
DECEMBER 27
N = Never Give Up (1)
Trying
“The only time you cannot afford to fail is the last time you try.” – Charles Kettering
If you read the lives of famous people, you will notice that very few of them have had an easy life. They have had to put up with setbacks, obstacles, disappointments, and ridicule.
If you want to enter into an abundant life then you need to be prepared for problems. Some are created by your circumstances, some by others, and some by yourself.
Nelson Mandela gave this wise advice to Bill Clinton, when he was involved in the Monica Lewinsky scandal:
“The greatest glory of living, lies not in never failing, but in rising every time you fall.”
William Hickson put it poetically when he wrote:
“Tis a lesson you should heed,
Try, try again,
If at first you don’t succeed,
Try, try again.”
Question – Have you given up?
Affirm – “He conquers who endures.” Italian proverb
DECEMBER 26
Alter Your Attitudes (7)
To Things
“Happiness lies not in having what you want but in wanting what you have.” – Hartley Howard in Time Bomb
We live in a materialistic world where we are evaluated by the things we own and the way we look.
Jesus said, “A man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” We have certain survival needs. We need food, drink, clothing, and shelter. A millionaire eating better food, drinking expensive wines, wearing designer hand-made clothes, and living in a mansion, is still only fulfilling those same basic survival needs.
Remember, you are made up of body, mind, and spirit. Happiness lies more in the areas of the mind and the spirit, than in the realm of possessions. You cannot go out and buy happiness, love, peace of mind, or health, yet these are the important things in life.
Question – Are you happy with what you’ve got?
Affirm – An altered attitude is an altered life.
DECEMBER 25
Alter Your Attitudes (6)
To Life
“I would rather be ashes than dust. I would rather that my spark would burn out in a brilliant blaze than be stifled out by dry rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet.” – Jack London, Author of Call of the Wild (1876–1916)
At the age of 85, Nadine Stair of Louisville, Kentucky, wrote: “If I had my life over… I’d dare to make more mistakes next time. I’d relax. I would limber up. I would be sillier than I have been this trip. I would take fewer things seriously. I would take more chances. I would take more trips. I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers. I would eat more ice cream and less beans. I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I’d have fewer imaginary ones.”
She then added: “You see, I’m one of those people who live sensibly and sanely hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I’ve had my moments, and if I had to do it over again, I’d have more of them.”
In his book Paths to Power, the late A.W. Tozer wrote:
“God works as long as his people live daringly.”
Question – Are you living daringly or boringly?
Affirm – I will live my life to the full.
DECEMBER 24
Alter Your Attitudes (5)
To God
“I have come that they might have abundant life.” – Jesus in John 10:10
God does not want to take all of the enjoyment out of life. He is our heavenly Father who “gives us all things richly to enjoy…”
When God tells us not to do something, it’s because he has our best interests at heart. If an earthly father tells his child not to play in the road or play with fire, it is not because he is a spoilsport, but because he is concerned for the health and safety of the child. That is how God is with us.
God created us and He knows how we function best.
The Bible is a handbook on how to live a full life.
. God wants to free us from our past mistakes
. In the present, He wants us to enjoy life to the full
. For the future, He wants to give us hope.
This is not a rehearsal for life, it’s the real thing.
So enjoy it.
Question – Are you enjoying life to the full?
Affirm – God wants what’s best for me.
DECEMBER 23
Alter Your Attitude (4)
To Your Past
“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” – George Santayana (1863–1952)
St Paul: “Forgetting what is behind I press on…”
When you find an apparent contradiction, study it closely and you will find a profound truth.
You cannot walk backwards into the future. What you have to do is remember what you learnt from a past failure. Remember – what you focus on you will become.
If you are constantly focusing on your past failures then you are going to:
. Think you’re a failure
. Feel you’re a failure
. Become a failure.
When William of Normandy invaded England on 15th October 1066, he commanded that the boats be burnt so that his soldiers knew there was no going back.
Question – Have you burnt the boats to your past?
Affirm – My past does not rule my present or my future, I do.
DECEMBER 22
Alter Your Attitudes (3)
To People
“I don’t know what your destiny will be, but one thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve.” – Albert Schweitzer, Doctor, musician, and missionary (1875–1965)
The secret of happiness is not to be found in gaining but in giving, not in saving but in serving. Sir James Barrie, author of Peter Pan, wrote: “Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.”
We live in a society where advertisers make us think that unless we are buying and using their product, our life is incomplete. Therefore, we have a generation of people who now believe that true happiness lies in what they possess.
The modern hero is the one who has gone from “Rags to Riches”, yet there are many examples throughout history where great religious leaders have gone from “Riches to Rags”.
Question – Which is your priority: gaining or giving?
Affirm – I will be a blessing to others.
DECEMBER 21
Alter Your Attitudes (2)
To Your Problems
“Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.” – Helen Keller (1880–1968)
There is power in positive thinking. You keep your face to the sunshine by concentrating on the good things that the problem is either going to teach you or build into your character. This will also have a positive effect upon your physical health. The medical profession has identified four characteristics that are detrimental to physical health.
[1] Poor self-image
[2] Harbouring resentment
[3] Self-pity
[4] Poor long-term relationships.
So, there is great wisdom in the words of Johnny Mercer, who argued that to keep rightly focused we should: “Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative.”
Think solution rather than problem.
Focus on what you are gaining not what you’re giving up.
Focus on God’s power, not the size of the problem.
Question – What have you focused on this last week?
Affirm – I will keep rightly focused.
DECEMBER 20
A = Alter Your Attitudes (1)
Your Thinking
“Every thought that one consciously thinks makes an impression on the subconscious mind that will be expressed as action according to the strength and desire contained within the thought.” – Dr Jack Addington, Psychogenesis
There is a law of life: you are moulded by your mind.
Your mind is like a camera. What you focus it on, is what will develop in your character.
A clear illustration of this principle took place at Hungerford in England. Michael Ryan spent most of his time watching highly aggressive films like Rambo. One day he put on Rambo style clothing, armed himself, and walked down the street randomly shooting people. The appalling scenes will never be forgotten.
The positive side of the coin is, as St Paul wrote:
“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.”
The Lesson. Concentrate on the things you want to become.
Question – What do you think about most?
Affirm – I will focus on being a person of value.
DECEMBER 19
Direct Your Life (4)
Find Your Place
“Every individual has a place to fill in the world and is important in some respect, whether he chooses to be so or not.” – Nathaniel Hawthorne (1804–1864)
To find your niche in life you need to know your place.
The word P.L.A.C.E. gives us the initials of five types of work.
P = Providing a service. If you enjoy meeting and caring for other people, then this is where you belong.
L = Lone worker. If you enjoy working alone, like a long-distance lorry driver or a forest ranger and only be responsible for yourself then this is where you fit in.
A = Administrative work. If policies, facts and figures give you a buzz then you are probably an administrator.
C = Creative work. If designing, discovering, and developing new things appeals to you, this is your niche.
E = Executive work. If you like things to run smoothly like a well-oiled machine, if you’re interested in the dynamics of what’s going on and can see the overall picture, then you will make a good executive.
Question – What is your place?
Affirm – I will work from my strengths.
DECEMBER 18
Direct Your Life (3)
Where am I Going?
“To be what we are, and to become what we are capable of becoming is the only end of life.” – Robert Louis Stevenson in Familiar Studies of Men and Books
This quote highlights the two main goals of abundant living.
1). Be what you are, that is “Be yourself”.
2). Become what you are capable of becoming, or in other words make the most of your opportunities and fulfil your potential.
Robert Louis Stevenson also made this wise observation:
“Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but playing a poor hand well.”
We all have different characters, circumstances, and abilities. The key is not what you have, but how you use it.
Question – Are you playing your hand well?
Affirm – I’ll make the most of the hand I’ve been dealt.
DECEMBER 17
Direct Your Life (2)
What Is My Dream?
“Far away, there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.” – Louisa May Alcott, Author of Little Women (1832–88)
As you look forward to the rest of your life, you can either be like the U.S. Politician Jerry Brown and say, “Life just is. You have to flow with it… Let it happen.” Or you can be like Martin Luther King Jr who said: “I have a dream…” which meant risking rejection, ridicule, and rebuke, and taking life by the throat and seeking to change it.
What vision and values are directing your life?
If time, talent, and training were not an issue, what would you most like to do with your life?
What could you begin to do today that would move you a step nearer your dream?
Question – Will you drift or dream?
Affirm – I direct my life.
DECEMBER 16
D = Direct Your Life (1)
“Acting without thinking is like shooting without aiming.” – B.C. Forbes
You can accept responsibility for your life.
You can believe that you can change.
You can unify your personality.
You can nurture your full potential, but it’s only as you begin to direct your life that you start to see real progress.
To direct your life, you need to ask five basic questions:
1). What is my dream?
2). Where am I?
3). Where am I going?
4). Where will I pass through?
5). How will I know when I have arrived?
Question – Have you asked yourself these five basic questions?
Affirm – I can be a success.
DECEMBER 15
N = Nurture all your potential (6)
Emotionally
“Above all else, guard your affections. For they influence everything else in your life.” – Proverb of Solomon (10th Century BCE)
Finally, we come to the E of S.P.I.C.E. = emotionally fulfilled.
We all have certain inborn emotional needs. The main three are:
. To be loved
. To belong, and
. To be accepted.
Are these needs being met in your life? If not, then find ways in which you can help meet these needs in and through the lives of others.
As you make others feel welcome, and give love and acceptance, you will reap what you sow. In the Book of Proverbs, we read: “He who have friends, must show himself friendly.”
Having these emotional needs met is essential if you are to feel fulfilled and enjoy life.
Question – Which area of S.P.I.C.E. do you need to work on?
Affirm – I can develop every area of my life.
DECEMBER 14
N = Nurture all your potential (5)
Creative
“It is all too obvious that, in the great majority of human beings, the greater part of their possibilities, whether physical or spiritual, intellectual or aesthetic, remains unreleased.” – Sir Julian Huxley (1887–1975)
The C of S.P.I.C.E. is for creatively fulfilled.
In the first chapter of the Bible, we read that God created the universe. He made man in “His own likeness” and then He looked at the creation and said, “It is good.”
Part of being made in the image of God means that humans have a need to be creative. It is that sense of satisfaction when you look at something you have done and think “that’s good”.
For people who are doing uncreative jobs it is difficult to feel fulfilled. If that is your situation then, by developing a creative hobby, this area of your life can be enriched.
Question – In what ways are you creative?
Affirm – I can create because I’m made in God’s image.
DECEMBER 13
N = Nurture all your potential (4)
Intellectual
“Nurture your minds with great thoughts.” – Benjamin Disraeli
By intellectual fulfilment I don’t mean becoming another Einstein. For the Greeks, education was to prepare people for life and not just a theoretical exercise. Education meant knowing how to talk to people, develop your memory, and make wise decisions.
Not all information is useful. G.C. Lichtenberg makes the wry observation that “Most subjects at universities are taught for no other purpose than they may be re-taught when the students become teachers.”
Question – Are you learning how to live?
Affirm – I will focus upon wisdom and not knowledge.
DECEMBER 12
N = Nurture all your potential (3)
Psychological
“There is a great deal of unmapped country within us.” – George Eliot (1819–80)
Psychological fulfilment is characterised by a joyful self-acceptance, a good self-image, and a celebration of one’s own uniqueness. These are the foundations for building relationships, and being fully alive.
In 1855 the American poet Walt Whitman wrote Song of Myself which contains the line “I celebrate myself and sing myself.”
Oprah Winfrey, the talk show hostess and actress, said: “The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.”
Question – Can you celebrate who you are?
Affirm – I am unique, therefore worth celebrating.
DECEMBER 11
N = Nurture all your potential (2)
Spiritual
“There is a God shaped space inside all of us which nothing else can fill.” – Blaise Pascal (1623–1662)
Material possessions and money alone will never bring fulfilment.
Since the mid-1960s, when the Beatles set the trend, people have been seeking spiritual fulfilment in Eastern religions, New Age philosophies, or the occult.
Within the church there has been the charismatic movement which has given many church goers a spiritual experience and not just a formal creed to give mental assent to.
Principle 20 of Successful Living
You need a relationship with God and not just a religion
Spiritual fulfilment also helps our physical well-being.
American psychiatrists have produced a report. It claims that people whose faith gives them a deep sense of divine support and comfort are more likely to be alive six months after open heart surgery. The report also claims that if you have the social support of a church, as well as faith, it apparently packs a double health punch.
Question – Are you experiencing spiritual reality?
Affirm – I will seek a real experience of God.
DECEMBER 10
N = Nurture all your potential (1)
“Variety’s the very spice of life… That gives it all its flavour.” – William Cowper (1731–1800)
Your inner person is like a house with five rooms. When all five rooms are properly maintained and habitable you will feel fulfilled.
The word S.P.I.C.E. gives an outline of the five areas.
S = Spiritual
P = Psychological
I = Intellectual
C = Creative
E = Emotional
When all five areas are satisfied then the person is living an abundant life.
Question – Which part of your inner person do you need to develop?
Affirm – I will develop my…
DECEMBER 9
U = Unify Your Personality (3)
“The highest wisdom has but one science, the science of the whole.” – Leo Tolstoy in War and Peace
To live a full and abundant life you need to develop every aspect of your personality.
. Through your eyes learn to appreciate beauty
. Through your ears listen to music and poetry
. With your nose enjoy the smell of flowers and perfumes
. With your tongue discover new flavours and tastes
. With your mind learn to enquire and understand. Ask the right questions and read the right books that will stimulate you.
. Be in touch with your emotions. Develop a sense of worship, wonder, and awe. Develop tenderness and sensitivity to others.
. Learn to love and commit yourself to someone or something, so that your life is not self-centred.
A problem was highlighted by Alan Watts when he said, “We can’t be more sensitive to pleasure without being more sensitive to pain.” Feeling the pain of grief through loss exemplifies what he meant.
Principle 19 of living a successful life
Take the risk and love
Question – Will you take the risk?
Affirm – I’ll live an abundant life.
DECEMBER 8
U = Unify Your Personality (2)
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” – Mahatma Gandhi
What God thinks, says, and does are always in harmony. If we are to live an abundant life then we need to be doing the same.
Are your vision and your vocation in harmony? If you could do anything you wanted, would you be working at your present job? If the answer is no, then what can you do to change your circumstances?
Practise what you preach. God’s works and God’s words are always in harmony. When what we say and what we do are in harmony, then we will experience “the peace of God.”
Your past and your present. Do failures from your past influence the way you think, speak, and act today? Richard Whately once wrote, “He is only exempt from failures who makes no efforts.”
To live a full life, your past and present lives need to be in harmony. Make peace with your past.
Question – Is what you think, say, and do in harmony?
Affirm – I will live in harmony with God and myself.
DECEMBER 7
U = Unify Your Personality (1)
“The key concept in Jung’s entire psychology, to me, is ‘individuation’: the idea that it is possible to become an ‘individual’ …in the original and literal sense of someone who is ‘in-divisible’ that is whole.” – Ralph Metzner in Maps of Consciousness
William Barclay, in his commentary on Ephesians, claims that “Every man is a walking civil war.” So how do you change from being a walking civil war to becoming an indivisible individual?
Imagine yourself as a team. The players in your team are your body, your intellect, your emotions, your will, your instincts, your reason, your spirit, and your memory.
How do you get a team to function properly?
[1] You appoint a captain. In your team it has to be the will.
[2] You have a common focus. i.e. having a shared vision, goal, or opposition.
During the 1939–45 war the British parliament forgot political differences because there was a common enemy – namely Hitler.
If you are going to unite your personality, you need to recognise your will as captain, and then find a focus for your whole being.
Question – What is going to unite your personality?
Affirm – My point of focus is…
DECEMBER 6
B = Believe You Can
“We hear of a silent generation, more concerned with security than integrity, with conforming than performing, with imitating rather than creating.” – Thomas J Watson
In the first century BCE, Publius Syrus wrote these wise words: “No man is happy until he believes he is.”
Having accepted responsibility for your life, the next step is to believe you can live an abundant life.
Jesus practised what he preached. He not only preached an abundant life, but he also demonstrated it.
Therefore, living an abundant life does not depend upon:
. Money and possessions. Jesus had none. – Luke 12:15
. Attractive appearance – Isaiah 53:2
. Charismatic presence – Isaiah 53:2
. Being well thought of. Jesus was despised. – Isaiah 53:3
. Being happy. He was a man of sorrows. – Isaiah 53:3
Principle 18 of Successful Living
An abundant life begins with what God thinks of you, and what you think of yourself.
Question – Do you believe you can live an abundant life?
Affirm – Nothing is too hard for God.
DECEMBER 5
Accept Responsibility (2)
“In reading the lives of great men, I found that the first victory they won was over themselves.” – President Harry S. Truman (1884–1972)
Rather than accept responsibility, and risk the possibility of ridicule, rebuke, or rejection, many people prefer to go with the flow and do what everyone else is doing.
Nathaniel Hawthorne, the 19th century novelist and short-story writer, pointed out that, “The greatest obstacle to being heroic is the doubt whether one may not be going to prove oneself a fool.”
If you are afraid of being ridiculed you will never achieve anything worthwhile. John Stuart Mill, the English philosopher and social reformer observed “every great movement must experience three stages: ridicule, discussion, and adoption.”
If you are not prepared to break through the barrier of the fear of ridicule you will end up locked into conforming to what your society says is acceptable.
Question – Are you concerned what others think of you?
Affirm – What I think of me is the all-important factor.
DECEMBER 4
A = Accept Responsibility (1)
“To get what you want from life – success, happiness, achieving your personal goals – you and you alone are responsible.” – George Shinn in The Miracle of Motivation
The first step on the road to an abundant life is to accept responsibility for the way you live.
It is easy to blame something outside of yourself. Your circumstances, your parents, your schooling, or your bad luck. The truth is you are the only one who can live an abundant life for you.
I once heard someone say to another person, “If you are going into town, will you get measured for a new suit for me?”
He was joking, but the truth is – there are certain things that only you can do. No one else can do them for you.
Question – Are you accepting responsibility for your life?
Affirm – It’s up to me to be a success.
DECEMBER 3
Abundant Life
“O for a man to arise in me… That the man I am may cease to be.” – Alfred, Lord Tennyson (1809–1892)
So, what constitutes an abundant life?
I will use the word A.B.U.N.D.A.N.T. as an outline.
A = Accept responsibility for your life. Stop blaming your luck, your parents, or your circumstances. Take responsibility.
B = Believe you can live an abundant life and do it.
U = Unify your personality. Bring your whole being into harmony.
N = Nurture your potential. Develop all aspects of your potential.
D = Direct your life. Decide what you want from life, how to get and – Go for it!
A = Alter your attitude. Learn positive thinking, attitudes, and actions.
N = Never give up. Persistence produces progress.
T = Trust people. Learn to enjoy relationships.
Question – Which areas do you need to work on?
Affirm – My quest is for my best.
DECEMBER 2
Advancing to Abundance
“From this moment, I ordain myself loos’d of all limit and imaginary lines; my own master total and absolute; listening well to others; considering well what they say; gently but firmly divesting myself of the holds that would hold me.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749–1832)
The Indians trained elephants to work for them. They would take a baby elephant and with a rope secure one of its hind legs to a peg fixed securely in the ground. For a time, the young elephant would struggle to break free, but eventually it would give up.
When the animal was fully grown, and well able to uproot the peg, it would not break free. It was bound by its memory and not the rope and the peg. Its greatest strength actually became its greatest weakness.
Question – Do things from your past keep you bound?
Affirm – I can break free from my past.
DECEMBER 1
Life or Existence?
“The Glory of God is a human being who is fully alive.” – St Irenaeus (2nd Century A.D.)
The Sun gives the Earth both heat and light, and without it all life on Earth would cease. Fortunately, the Sun will continue to give us heat and light for the next five billion years, but the Sun will only sustain us physically. There is more to life than mere physical survival. That is just an existence, not abundant life.
The dictionary defines abundance as “from abundo, to abound… A fullness or plenteousness great to overflowing: ample sufficiency …copiousness.”
A disturbing story is told of a Roman soldier, who came before Julius Ceaser. As Ceaser looked at the miserable, discouraged wretched man, he asked him: “Man, were you ever really alive?”
Question – Are you living or existing?
Affirm – I can live an abundant life.
Theme For the Month of December – Living an Abundant Life
Quotation for the Month
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Map of the Month
ABUNDANT LIFE
A = Accept responsibility
B = Believe you can
U = Unify your personality
N = Nurture your potential
D = Direct your life
A = Alter your attitudes
N = Never give up
T = Trust people
A Meditation for the Month
“Look to this day
for it is life
the very life of life
In its brief course lie all the realities
and truths of existence
the joy of growth
the splendour of action
the glory of power
For yesterday is but a memory
And tomorrow is only a vision
But today well lived makes every yesterday
a memory of happiness
and every tomorrow a vision of hope
Look well therefore, to this day!”
– An Ancient Sanskrit Poem
A Promise
“I have come that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”
– Jesus
A Prayer
“Grant to us, O Lord, to know what is worth knowing, to love that which is worth loving, to praise that which pleaseth thee most, to esteem that which is most precious to thee, and to dislike whatsoever is evil in thy eyes.”
Thomas A Kempis (1379–1471)
NOVEMBER 30
The Successful Use of Time
“Dividing the day into manageable portions, brings peace of mind and healthful activity to the body.” – Robert Louis Stevenson (1850–1894)
The ancient Greeks used two words to describe time – kronos and kairos. (In the Bible, they are translated as “times” and “seasons”).
Kronos, from which we derive our word chronology, looks at how much time has elapsed. It has to do with quantity.
Kairos focuses on what takes place and has been achieved and is more concerned with quality.
Kronos watches the clock for home-time, whereas kairos wants to make the most use of time available.
To achieve kairos time, you need to understand and apply these six principles for the P.R.O.P.E.R. use of time.
P = Priorities. Have you got clearly defined goals to build your priorities around?
R = Relationships. People are more important for living a full life than possessions.
O = Organise yourself, so that you spend the majority of your time working towards your goals.
P = Planning. Drive into your future, don’t drift. Work out a strategy for getting where you want to go.
E = Explore alternatives. Constantly look for more effective ways of working.
R = Reviewing your life. Are you spending most of your time in the effective pursuit of your goals?
Question – Are you applying all that you read?
Affirm – Knowledge that is not used is abused.
NOVEMBER 29
Reviewing Your Life (4)
Business Time
“The greatest of all sacrifices is the sacrifice of time!” – Plutarch (50–120 A.D.)
Someone once said, “A business meeting is where they keep minutes but waste hours.”
If eight people attend a meeting and one hour is non-productive, then a complete working day has been lost.
Two principles apply if a business meeting is to be effectively run.
Principle 1. Have a clear purpose for the meeting that everyone subscribes to.
. Is it to brainstorm ideas for the future?
. Is it to make decisions?
. Is it an information exchange?
Stick to one purpose per meeting or, if people are travelling a long way, break it up into clearly defined sections.
For example –
First 30 minutes = Information exchange
Next 30 minutes = Brainstorming ideas
Last 30 minutes = Decision making time.
Principle 2. Set a time limit on discussion before a decision.
I would suggest 15 minutes. After that amount of time, you need to either:
a). Decide on the information at hand
b). Decide to discuss it for another 15 minutes
c). Delegate it to someone to explore the alternatives and report back to the next meeting with proposals.
Question – Have you wasted time in meetings? Affirm – I will save the minutes and the hours will look after themselves.
NOVEMBER 28
Reviewing Your Life (3)
Bed Time?
“The hours of sleep… Nature needs but five; Custom gives us seven; Laziness takes nine; And wickedness eleven.” – A Victorian Embroidery Sampler
Are you the type of person who says, “There are not enough days in the week?”
Many successful people, like the politician Margaret Thatcher, managed to live very full lives on 5 hours sleep per day. If you spend 8 hours a day in bed that is 56 hours per week, 2,912 hours per year which equals 17.5 weeks in bed.
If you only spent 5 hours per day in bed, then you would have an extra 21 hours per week. Over the year it would give you the equivalent of another 136.5 eight-hour working days. That is over 27 five-day working weeks.
Now let’s be realistic. If you want another working day in your week, then spend 1 hour and 10 minutes less in bed each night and you will have another 8-hour working day per week.
Question – How many hours per night do you spend in bed?
Affirm – I could live on 7 hours sleep instead of 8.5.
NOVEMBER 27
Reviewing Your Life (2)
The “U” Problems
“Time management takes perseverance and self-discipline, but no other investment pays higher dividends.” – Peter Drucker, Management Consultant
Check your diary, and see how much these three time-wasters have influenced your life.
The “U” problems:
. Unfocussed – By now you should have applied Pareto’s principle and found your 20% effort that produces your 80% results. How much of your day do you spend doing things that are not part of your effective 20%?
. Undisciplined – How much time was taken up with interruptions, distractions, coffee breaks, crossword puzzles, or discussing what you did last night?
. Unmotivated – How much time do you lose by putting off until tomorrow things you could have completed today?
Question – Do you recognise any U problems?
Affirm – I will be focused, disciplined, and motivated.
NOVEMBER 26
R = Reviewing Your Life (1)
“I wasted time, now doth time waste me.” – Richard II
There are several things that waste time. If we eliminated them from our life we would find we had more time.
1). Not saying no. We need to learn how to use two letters from the middle of the alphabet, N & O. If we don’t, we end up taking on tasks that we are not good at, or are not an effective use of our time. Answer – Learn to say “no” politely.
2). Not interrupting. If someone is talking on and on about nothing important then politely say, “Nice seeing you again but you’ll have to excuse me. I must go.”
3). Watching television. A video recorder can be a great asset.
. You can watch programmes when it suits you
. You can fast forward the advertisements or anything else that does not interest you.
Question – Are you too polite for your own good?
Affirm – I will be more decisive and assertive.
NOVEMBER 25
Exploring Alternatives (4)
“Research is to see what everybody else has seen, and to think what nobody else has thought.” – Albert Szent-Gyorgyi
With every job there are three ways to do it:
. The Right way
. The Wrong way
. The Easy way.
The key is to know all three and use the easiest way you can.
King Augeas had 10,000 horses and, according to legend, Hercules was given the job to keep their stables permanently clean. With such a huge task in front of him, Hercules sat and thought about it. He then came upon an easy way to keep the stables clean. He diverted two rivers through the stables so that they were constantly being washed clean.
Question – Do you look for the easy way?
Affirm – I will explore new ways of doing things.
NOVEMBER 24
Exploring Alternatives (3)
“If you can fill the unforgiving minute, With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it, And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!” – If by Rudyard Kipling (1865–1936)
One of the most effective ways of saving time is, in the words of the old proverb, “To kill two birds with one stone.”
If you’re driving alone, you can listen to tapes of lectures or talks. You can borrow books on audio tape from the library.
If you are travelling by bus or train (and you are not the driver) you can read or use a lap-top computer or similar device.
Always make sure you have a book with you, so that if you have to wait for someone or something, you can read.
Learn how to make the most of your time.
Question – How much time do you waste each day?
Affirm – I will seek to use my time to the full.
NOVEMBER 23
Exploring Alternatives (2)
“Time is more important than money; it’s the most valuable commodity we can spend… the only way to save time is to spend it wisely.” – Harry Lorayne in Secrets of Mind Power
Learn a lesson from the typewriter.
A British patent for a typewriter was granted by Queen Anne, on the 7th January 1714, to Henry Mill. It was not until 1874 that an American, named Christopher Latham Sholes, employed gunsmith E. Remington to produce the first typewriter. Mark Twain was the first author to submit a typewritten manuscript.
In spite of great advances in the technology of computers and word processes the keyboard has remained the same. The original reason for the layout of the keys was to slow typists down so that the early typewriters could cope.
No one has been brave enough to reorganise the keyboard because every typist in the English-speaking world would need retraining.
Question – Do you do things the way they have always been done?
Affirm – I will explore more efficient alternatives.
NOVEMBER 22
E = Explore Alternatives (1)
“Discontentment is the first step in progress.” – An old proverb
The fifth principle for the P.R.O.P.E.R. use of time is to explore alternatives.
The attitude “if it works, leave it alone” leads to mediocrity. You need to be constantly trying to improve your performance. It is so easy to get immersed in your problems that you can’t see the wood for the trees. You need to learn how to make your problems pay. Be imaginative and make problem-solving fun.
A builder gained the contract to build a suspension bridge across a deep ravine. This posed a problem. How to get the first rope from the one side to the other?
The builder advertised a kite flying day at the ravine. When the kite flyers arrived, he offered a cash prize for anyone who could fly a kite across the ravine and land it on the far side. He then used the kite string to pull a thicker piece of string, and so on, until eventually he got the large steel cables across the ravine. He used his imagination to solve his problems.
So, when you see a problem, affirm to yourself:
. This problem can be solved
. I’m the person to solve it
. How can I make it fun?
Question – Do you enjoy your problems?
Affirm – I will become a problem solver.
NOVEMBER 21
Planning (3)
Make a Dream a Reality
“To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream, not only plan, but also believe.” – Anatole France (1844–1924)
The five stages to planning. Planning is the process of making a D.R.E.A.M. a reality.
D = Discover your desires. Sit down and brainstorm on a piece of paper all the things you would like to achieve in the next five years.
R = Review your goals. Are any of them contradictory? Consider this example. A church needed a new building. It was decided:
. To build on the same site
. To re-cycle most of the materials
. To meet in the old church until the new one was built.
E = Exact goal. Explore the options and decide which one you are going to aim for. Write it in exact, measurable terms. For example, ‘By this time next year I want to have achieved…’
A = Action plan. Write down a list of steps to reach your goal.
M = Monitor your progress. Have a monthly check on your progress.
Question – Are your dreams vague castles in the air?
Affirm – I will make my dreams a reality.
NOVEMBER 20
Planning (2)
What is a Plan?
“Think long, work quickly.” – Chinese Proverb
The clearer and more thought out you plan is, the quicker you will be able to get the job done. There are four things that make up a plan.
I will use P.L.A.N. as an outline which will help you to remember them.
P = Pre-writing your history. To plan is:
- To take control of your future.
- Decide “How you want your history to read.”
- Going out and making it happen.
L = Look to the future. To plan is to look at “How would I like things to be.”
- It’s how to move things from now to then.
- It’s changing things from the way they are, to the way they could be.
A = An arrow. To plan is an arrow pointing in the direction I want to go but allowing me flexibility to change should the need arise.
N = No wasted time. When you know the road ahead, you do not take pointless detours and waste time. Spending time planning can save a lot of time actually achieving your goal.
Question – Have you pre-written your history?
Affirm – I am the master of my fate.
NOVEMBER 19
P = Planning (1)
“It is pleasant to see plans develop. That is why fools refuse to give them up even when they are wrong.” – Proverbs 13:19
We are looking at the P.R.O.P.E.R. use of our time. The second P = Planning.
Organisation is the here and now; planning is looking at the road ahead.
A couple were on holiday in Austria. They were sitting next to the driver in a coach going up a narrow valley. They came to a lay-by and the driver pulled over. The driver of a car, that had been following them for some distance, waved as he drove passed and headed on up the valley.
The driver of the coach turned to the couple and pointed up the valley. They then noticed a large concrete mixer truck coming down the valley. The coach driver had anticipated a problem and avoided it. The driver of the car who passed them had to reverse about half a mile down a narrow winding road.
Question – Do you anticipate and avoid problems?
Affirm – I will learn to anticipate.
NOVEMBER 18
O = Organisation (4)
Your Reading
“We always have time enough, if we but use it aright.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749–1832)
You can save time by reading with an overlining pen in your hand.
If it’s a letter – overline the key points and reply at once. If possible don’t handle the same piece of paper twice.
Overline key information in a book or trade magazine so that you can find it easily should you need it.
Learn to speed read. By reading the first sentence in each paragraph you will be able to follow the writer’s thinking. You then read in full any information that is relevant to you. Learn to skip irrelevant information.
Don’t waste time reading every word of a newspaper. Just watch the headlines on the television.
Question – How much time do you spend reading each day?
Affirm – I will learn to be selective in my reading.
NOVEMBER 17
Organisation (3)
Organise Your Things
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.” – Ecclesiastes 3
One of the basic rules for saving time is:
A place for everything and everything in its place
If you put documents, books, or tools back where they belong, you can easily find them when you need them. It is so easy to take the idle way out and just leave them where you used them. The problem is finding them the next time you need them.
It would only have taken a few seconds to put them back in the right place, it now takes you at least five minutes to find them.
Multiply that by six items a day and you have wasted quite a bit of time out of your working day.
Question – How much time do you waste looking for things?
Affirm – I will organise my life.
NOVEMBER 16
Organisation (2)
Organise Your Day
“Sum up at night what thou hast done by day… And in the morning what thou hast to do.” – George Spencer (born 1534)
Sit down with two pieces of paper and a pen.
[Step 1] Brainstorm. Write down everything you need to, or would like to achieve tomorrow.
[Step 2] Prioritise. At the top of the page write the most important, not the most urgent – the most important (i.e. linked to your goals). Remember to keep the Main Thing as the main thing. List all of the items on your brainstorm page in order of importance.
[Step 3] Tomorrow morning – write down your list from the top. Do not choose the things you would prefer to do. Work systematically through your list and in order of importance.
[Stage 4] Last item for the day – Repeat the process, ready for the following day.
Question – Do you plan your day?
Affirm – I will plan my life, not just drift.
NOVEMBER 15
O = Organisation (1)
Rightly Focused
“The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing at all times.” – Zig Ziglar
The principles
. Your goals are the basis of your priorities
. Your priorities are the basis of your organisation.
The practicalities
[Step 1] Find out what is important to you, and what are your areas of greatest effectiveness.
[Step 2] Organise your day so that you focus the majority of your time on these areas.
[Step 3] You automatically increase your effectiveness.
Question – How organised is your day?
Affirm – I will organise my life around my priorities.
NOVEMBER 14
“If you always live with those who are lame, you will yourself learn to limp.” – Latin Proverb
You need to be building relationships with the right people. Look at your diary and see who you spend most of your time with.
Are they positive or negative people?
Organise your life so that you spend a minimum of 50% of your time with positive people. To evaluate this, review your diary and ask yourself:
What type of person are they?
Are they ahead of you on the road to success? Then they can be very helpful to you. So put a + and V.H.P. = Very Helpful Person. If they are part of your peer group, but a useful contact, put a + and V.S.P. = Very Similar Person.
If they are behind you on the road to success, but you are training them so that they will be useful to you in the future then put a + and V.T.P. = Very Teachable Person.
These three groups are the people to spend most of your time with.
If they are part of your peer group, whose company you enjoy, but tend to be a Not Now-er, a Yes But-er or a What If-er, then put a – beside the entry and V.N.P. = Very Nice People.
If they are behind you – unteachable and very negative then put a – beside the entry and V.D.P. = Very Draining Person.
Question – Are most of your acquaintances, colleagues, or friends + or -?
Affirm – I will spend time with plus people.
NOVEMBER 13
Relationships (2)
Respect v Riches
“A good reputation is more valuable than money.” – Publius Syrus (1st century BCE)
The time when you appreciate strong relationships is when you’re in a difficult situation. It’s then that you realise – what people think of you is more important than the size of your bank account.
A contemporary of Publius Syrus quoted above, was Spartacus. He was a slave and a gladiator, who raised an army in rebellion against the might of Rome. When Spartacus’s army was defeated the Roman general offered the rebels this deal:
“If Spartacus will give himself up, only he will be crucified.”
Immediately, several hundred men stood up; all claiming: “I am Spartacus.”
At times like that, friends mean more than finances.
Question – Are your friends more important than your finances?
Affirm – I will develop my relationships rather than my riches.
NOVEMBER 12
R = Relationships (1)
“You must always love people and use things and never love things and use people.” – John Powell, S.J.
How many people do you know whose lives have been made unhappy because they have put money, possessions, or their work before their relationships?
Jean Paul Getty used to be acclaimed as the world’s richest man, yet he was married and divorced five times. One of his sons said of him: “He never had a solid, loving relationship with anyone.”
One of the women in his life concluded that, “Money was a curse on him, the idea that distorted everything he did.”
A true perspective on money was sung by The Beatles –
“I don’t care too much for money, money can’t buy me love.”
Question – Are your relationships strong?
Affirm – I will put people before possessions.
NOVEMBER 11
Priorities (5)
Be Enthusiastic
“There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it with reluctance.” – Terence, Roman playwright (2nd century BCE)
One of the secrets for getting most out of your time is to work enthusiastically, even if you don’t feel like it. You will achieve far more and with a lot less stress. So, when you have to make a decision you should ask yourself these three questions.
. Is it easy for me?
. Will I enjoy doing it?
. Will I be enthusiastic about it?
Question – Are you enthusiastic about your work?
Affirm – I will find what I do best and do it.
NOVEMBER 10
Priorities (4)
The Important versus the Urgent
“Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749–1832)
Some years ago, Charles E Hummell wrote a booklet called The Tyranny of the Urgent. To be successful in our use of time, we need to break that tyranny, by clearly distinguishing between the Important and the Urgent.
Important things are linked to achieving your goals.
Urgent things demand your immediate attention, like answering the phone, but may not be linked to your goals.
Using these two headings we can form four groups of activities.
1). The important and urgent = panic activity
2). The important and not urgent = planned activity
3). The not important but urgent = pressured activity
4). Not important and not urgent = pointless activity
To be more effective you need to focus on planned activity. When this is under control, number 1 is less likely to occur. To find the time for number 2 you need to reduce the amount of time given to numbers 3 and 4.
Question – What do you class as important?
Affirm – I will clarify my priorities.
NOVEMBER 9
Priorities (3)
One Day at a Time
“One day at a time – this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled for the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be well worth remembering.” – Ida Scott Taylor
To live each day to the full, you need a three-fold balance.
[1] Work and play. If your life is all work and no relaxation, then your stress levels will increase and your overall effectiveness will be reduced. John Wanamaker put it like this: “People who cannot find time for recreation are obliged sooner or later to find time for illness.”
[2] Pleasure and achievement. These are the two things that provide us with enjoyment. The achievement may be after hard work. When a task is completed there is that warm inner glow of a job well done. Pleasure is doing what you like and liking what you do. So remember mix pleasure and achievement.
[3] Important and urgent. The important things are linked to your goal for success. The urgent may be irritating intrusions into your routine.
Keep all in balance.
Question – Are you living a balanced life?
Affirm – I will keep my life in balance.
NOVEMBER 8
Priorities (2)
Concentrate on Your Strengths
“The best-kept secret for career success? Find what you do best. Then do it. And stick to it. Stick to it. Stick to it.” – Dr M Blaine Smith in The Yes Anxiety
Effectiveness is directly linked to an understanding of your personality type, and cultivating your personality strengths.
. Your personality and your preferences are closely linked.
. Your personality influences your preferences.
. Your preferences will govern your performance.
. Your performance will produce your success.
When you are doing things you enjoy and are enthusiastic about, you will perform better and be more successful.
Question – Had you realised that what you enjoy doing is the basis of your success?
Affirm – I’ll not remain average. I will excel at what I do well.
NOVEMBER 7
P = Priorities (1)
Pareto’s Law
“Twenty per cent of the time at work is spent doing things that account for eighty per cent of the results, and vice-versa.” – Vilfredo Pareto (1848–1923)
The application of this principle, put forward by Italian economist, philosopher, and sociologist Vilfredo Pareto, could dramatically increase your effectiveness. The secret is to discover the 20% effort that produces the 80% results.
We will use P.A.R.E.T.O. as the steps to discover and by developing your 20%.
P = Pause. Take time out from constantly chasing your tail.
A = Analyse. Draw two columns on a piece of paper. List activities in one column and results in the other.
R = Recognise your areas of effectiveness.
E = Expand time given to your effective 20%.
T = Training to be more effective in those areas.
O = Off load as much of the other 80% as possible.
Question – Have you cultivated your strengths?
Affirm – I will apply PARETO.
NOVEMBER 6
Today’s The Day
“Gather ye rose-buds while ye may. Old Time is still a-flying: And this same flower that smiles today, Tomorrow will by dying.” – Robert Herrick (1591–1674)
To use our time effectively we need to know where we are going (our goals) and how we will get there (our priorities). This means making proper use of our time.
If we use the word P.R.O.P.E.R. as an outline, then we should be working on:
P = Priorities
R = Relationships
O = Organisation
P = Planning
E = Exploring alternatives
R = Reviewing our life
As you apply these six principles into your life, you will find it will become happier, richer, and more effective.
Question – Are you seizing the day?
Affirm – I will make most of today.
NOVEMBER 5
Live Today – Not The Future
“Yesterday is history, Tomorrow’s still a mystery, Today’s a gift from God to me – That’s why it’s called the PRESENT.” – Anonymous
We have all been given this Present. Many waste it by living in the future with one of three D’s:
[1] Dreaming. Alexander Woollcott put this in its true perspective. He said, “Many of us spend half our time wishing for things we could have if we didn’t spend our time wishing.”
Don’t let day-dreams dominate your life – live today!
[2] Dreading. Dorothy Dix said, “I have learned to live each day as it comes, and not to borrow by dreading tomorrow. It is the dark menace of the future that makes cowards of us.” Don’t let fear of the future dominate your life – Live today!
[3] Delaying. “Procrastination is the thief of time.” (Edward Young). Don’t let the fear of making the wrong decision, or what other people might think, make you indecisive. Live today to the full!
Question – Do you have a problem with any of these Ds?
Affirm – I’ll look to the future but not live in it.
NOVEMBER 4
Live Today – Not The Past
“Don’t let yesterday use up too much of today.” – Cherokee Indian Proverb
Victor Hugo, the author of Les Misérables, was part of an insurrection against Emperor Louis-Philippe in France. The uprising failed and in 1851 he was exiled to the Channel Islands.
His wife left him and went to live in Brussels. His daughter, Adele, ran off to marry an English officer, and he was in ill health.
Whilst living at Marine Parade in Jersey, he carried out a daily ritual. Each evening, he would walk from his residence to a bench on the cliff overlooking the harbour. He would sit there alone and watch the sunset.
He would then rise, pick up a pebble, throw it into the sea and walk back to his residence.
One evening a young girl passing by asked him:
“Monsieur Hugo, why do you come here and throw these stones?”
Hugo replied: “It’s not a stone, my dear, but my self-pity that I am throwing into the sea.”
At the end of each day, we should throw all our failures and mistakes away so they don’t take up anything of tomorrow. We can then live each day to the full.
Question – Does your past use up today?
Affirm – Forgetting what is past I press on towards my goal.
NOVEMBER 3
Carpe Diem
“While we’re talking, time will have meanly run on: pick today’s fruits, not relying on the future in the slightest.” – Horace, Roman Poet (65–8 BCE)
From the words “pick today’s fruits”, the Romans took the maxim Carpe Diem which means “pluck or seize today”. It means to make the most of every opportunity that comes your way because you do not know what tomorrow may bring.
Many people fail to live today to the full. They either spend most of their time in the past, or the future. As you live each day to the full, it will leave you with good memories of the past and fill you with hope for the future.
Q: How do you live each day to the full?
A: By making the most of your resources and your opportunities. To do that, you need to use your time wisely.
Question – Are you living each day to the full?
Affirm – I will manage my time better?
NOVEMBER 2
Movement or Progress?
“Never confuse movement with progress.” – Ernest Hemingway, American author
If you are chasing your tail but getting nowhere, then learn from the wise old cat that watched a kitten chasing its tail.
“What are you doing?” asked the cat.
“I am seeking happiness,” replied the kitten. “I have studied the mysteries of the universe”, he continued, “and found that happiness lies in the end of my own tail. If I could only get in between my teeth then I know I would be happy.”
The old cat responded, “I too have studied the mysteries of the universe and found that happiness does indeed lie in the end of my tail. I found that every time I chased it, it eluded me. So, I just went about my life and found that happiness followed me everywhere I went.”
You can be moving like the kitten chasing its tail, but it is only as you have clear priorities that you make progress.
Question – Are you too busy chasing your tail?
Affirm – I will take time out to assess my life.
NOVEMBER 1
Do You Love Life?
“Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of.” – Benjamin Franklin (1706–90)
Whatever our status in life, in one respect we are all equal – Time. You can’t inherit time from your parents or save it for a rainy day. We are all given the same gift of 24 hours or 1,440 minutes each day, 7 days or 168 hours every week, and 52 weeks or 365 days every year.
It is what we do with our time that is the all-important factor.
When there is a limited resource, you need to budget how to spend it. The key to effective budgeting is prioritising. If a mother has only £168 to spend each week, then she will need to separate the essential from the non-essentials; so that she can provide the best for her family. We have 168 hours to spend each week. We need to discover how to use it to maximum effect.
Question – Do you complain of not having enough time?
Affirm – I will make wise use of my time.
Theme For the Month of November – Successful Use of Time
Quotation for the Month
“Make the best possible use of your time.” – St Paul in Colossians 4:5
Map of the Month
Six keys to the PROPER Use of Time
P = Priorities
R = Relationships
O = Organisation
P = Planning
E = Exploring alternatives
R = Reviewing your life
Meditation for the Month
“The LORD is my pace setter, I shall not rush, he makes me stop and rest for quiet intervals, he provides me with images of stillness, which restore my serenity.
He leads me in the ways of effectiveness through calmness of mind, and his guidance is peace. Even though I have a great many things to accomplish each day I will not fret for his presence is here, his timelessness, his all-importance, will keep me in balance.
He prepares refreshment and renewal in the midst of activity by anointing my mind with his oils of tranquillity, my cup of joyous energy overflows. Surely harmony and effectiveness shall be the fruit of my hours for I shall walk at the pace of the LORD, and dwell in his house for ever.”
The 23rd Psalm by Toki Miyashoi
A Promise
“Honour your father and mother, so that you may have a long and prosperous life.” – Deuteronomy 5:16
A Prayer
“Make us remember, O God, that every day is thy gift.” – Dr Samuel Johnson (1709–1784)
OCTOBER 31
Success with your Stress
“Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, stays always just beyond your grasp – but which, if you sit down quietly, may alight upon you.” – Nathaniel Hawthorne (1804–1864)
To successfully cope with your stress, you need to stop chasing your tail and take time out to ask yourself some basic questions about how you use your time.
. Am I directing my life, driven by others, or just drifting?
. What do I want to achieve with my life?
. How am I going to use my 168 hours this week?
. Is there a mix of enjoyment and achievement?
. Am I spending enough time with my partner and family?
. What work can I delegate so that I can be more effective?
Question – Have you learned to be C.A.L.M.?
Affirm – I will think seriously about these questions.
OCTOBER 30
Manage Your Time (2)
Thinking Time
“Never be afraid to sit awhile and think.” – Lorraine Hansberry, American Playwright (1930–1965)
When someone asks you to do something, ask them for time to think it through. If you are asked to commit yourself to do something when you’re on your own, talk it over with your partner or another family member. Hopefully, your partner would apply a similar strategy and would want to discuss it with you. This gives you both time to evaluate if it is in harmony with your priorities, and a good use of your time and talents.
If it’s a minor decision you may give an instant reply. But you may want to think over “Is this a good use of my time?”
If it is a big decision, then you need to take time to think it over. No one can realistically expect an instant decision on a major issue.
Question – Do you feel you must answer now?
Affirm – I will take ‘thinking time’.
OCTOBER 29
M = Managing Your Time (1)
“To be able to fill leisure intelligently is the last great product of civilisation.” – Arnold Toynbee, Economic Historian (1852–1883)
If you are going to remain effective over a long period of time, then you need to learn how to take time out to relax. The Almighty paced himself. According to the first chapter in the Bible, he took six days over creation and then rested on the seventh.
If you are the type of person that feels guilty when they sit down – Beware: You are a prime candidate for “burn out” or even a heart attack.
Recreation = re-creation. Learn to relax and refresh yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
. Cross one day out per week to spend with your family
. Find a hobby that will take your mind off your work. Winston Churchill would do bricklaying and jigsaw puzzles.
Remember – a change is as good as a rest.
Question – Are you a candidate for “burn out”?
Affirm – I will learn how to relax.
OCTOBER 28
Learn To Relax (4)
Sports and Hobbies
“Acquire a secondary interest in life …You will work all the better for it, and leisure will become, not a problem, but an integral part of the fullness of life.” – Prof. William Barclay
To break out of the stress cycle you may take up a sport that uses the fight or flight response, like running. Neil Kinnock who was leader of the British Labour Party, commented: “Stress is part of the job, but while you run you really do feel relaxed… the stressful aspects go away.”
Or take up an aggressive sport like rugby or American football where the fight mechanism is used. These will result in the fight or flight system being deactivated.
Question – Have you learned to relax yet?
Affirm – Relaxing will increase my efficiency.
OCTOBER 27
Learn To Relax (3)
“Stress is an inevitable, and perhaps essential, part of life. You need to counter it by finding ways to relax.” – Dr Barry Lynch in Don’t Break Your Heart
Removing tension from the body.
When the brain senses tension in the body it activates the fight or flight defences. The mouth, tongue, hands, and feet account for over two-thirds of the body’s senses, so those are the areas to concentrate on.
The body has 640 voluntary muscles. To break the tension in them, deliberately tense them for three seconds and then release them.
. Tense your toes – feel the tension – and relax
. Push your heels into the floor – hold it – and relax
. Clench your fists tightly – hold it and let go
. Press your lips tightly together – hold – and let go
. Press your tongue into the roof of your mouth – hold – let go
. Screw up your eyes – hold and let go
. Frown your forehead – hold and let go
Question – Are you coping with your stress yet?
Affirm – My stress is under my control.
OCTOBER 26
Learn to Relax (2)
“One lesson, Nature, let me learn from thee… Of toil unsevered from tranquillity.” – Matthew Arnold (1822–1888)
With your mind, remember your place of peace. If a distraction comes into your mind, imagine it as a person. Tell it “Not now” and gently dismiss it, so your peace is not disturbed.
Now: Focus on slow, deep, and rhythmic breathing.
Breathe in gently through the nose for 2–3 seconds.
Breathe out for 2–3 seconds.
Pause for 2–3 seconds and begin the cycle again.
Every time you breathe out say “relax”, “peace”, or a word that you would associate with your place of peace and tranquillity.
Continue breathing for about 10 minutes.
Two words of warning:
1). After a meal, allow about 1 hour before doing this exercise.
2). When you finish remain seated for a short while.
Question – Are you beginning to feel calm?
Affirm – I can control my breathing, my brain, and my body.
OCTOBER 25
L = Learn to Relax (1)
“What is this life if, full of care, we have no time to stand and stare? To stand and stare beneath the boughs… To stand and stare like sheep or cows.” – Leisure by William Davies (1871–1940)
Most of us know these words but so few of us live them.
To be C.A.L.M. you need to:
1). Challenge your beliefs
2). Assert Yourself and say “No”.
Thirdly, to be successful with stress you need to learn to relax.
Tension in the body or brain activates the fight or flight mechanism. To switch off the defence system you need to begin by sitting as comfortably as you can. Rest your hands in your lap and close your eyes.
First, remove the tension from your brain. Imagine a place where you have felt secure and at peace. It may be in a room or out of doors, by a lakeside, a seashore, or looking over a gate at sheep and cows. It does not matter where it is – so long as you feel at peace.
Question – Have you identified your peaceful place?
Affirm – I’ll withdraw to my peaceful place when I feel stressed.
OCTOBER 24
Assert Yourself (3)
Saying “No”
“You have the right to say no, without feeling guilty.” – Manuel J Smith Ph.D. in When I say “No” I Feel Guilty
Most of us have been programmed by our parents to believe that “To say ‘No’ is heartless and uncaring.” As a result, we feel guilty.
There are five steps towards saying “No” more assertively.
Step 1 = No + Involve someone else. “No, I can’t. I’ve promised to take my wife out, and she would be upset if I let her down.”
Step 2 = No + An alternative. “No. I can’t now, how about one evening next week?”
Step 3 = No + An explanation. “No. This is not a convenient time.” But no alternative offered.
Step 4 = No + Repetition and no explanation. “I won’t be able to make it.” Keep repeating it until they get the message.
Step 5 = No assertively – with a question. “No thanks, I would rather not…” If they persist, this can be followed by the question “What part of the word ‘No’ don’t you understand?” This can be used with persistent salesmen, etc.
Question – Do you feel guilty when you say “No”?
Affirm – I will practise saying “No”.
OCTOBER 23
Assert Your Self (2)
“To know oneself, one should assert oneself.” – Albert Camus
You’ll never have success with stress if you’re not assertive. You will never be assertive until you have conquered being able to say “No” without feeling selfish or guilty.
Many people struggle with this, namely because:
a). They were told as a child – “You should be seen and not heard.” So, I shouldn’t speak up for myself. I must keep quiet. That was when you were a child. You are an adult now. You no longer have to keep quiet.
b). They were manipulated as a child. If you didn’t do what mummy said she would get angry with you and threaten to leave you. If I say “No” then they may get angry and leave.
c). They do not believe they have the right to say “No”. If they have the right to ask you to do something for them, then you have the right to say no. If you don’t claim this right you’ll always be passive and never assertive.
Question – If you never say “No”, what is your “Yes” worth?
Affirm – I have the right to say “No”.
OCTOBER 22
Assert Yourself (1)
“Love yourself, get outside of yourself, and take action. Focus on the solution; be at peace.” – Sioux Indian Proverb
To be C.A.L.M. we begin by C = Challenge our beliefs. We now move on to the second stage which is A = Assert yourself.
The main place where we encounter stress is in our relationships with others. The four main ways we react towards people are:
1). Passive. Let them do what they like. Be a doormat, lie down, and let them walk all over you.
2). Aggressive. I’m going to get my own way and I will walk all over anyone who gets in my way.
3). Manipulative. I won’t make any demands, but if you don’t do it my way I will make you feel guilty, uncaring, stupid, or anxious.
4). Assertive. Which comes from a position of confidence. It is characterised by clarity of what I want but without violating anyone else’s rights.
Question – Which one is your usual response?
Affirm – From now on I will seek to be more assertive.
OCTOBER 21
Challenge Your Beliefs (5)
“Those who reach greatness on earth reach it through concentration.” – Upanishads
Having Found, Analysed, and Challenged our false beliefs, finally endurance.
Your mind is like a mountain top on which rain falls. Gradually it forms rivulets that become streams and then rivers. If you begin to divert the rain down a new path consistently for a month, a new rivulet will form.
Each time a must, a should, or an ought comes into your mind, if you divert it regularly by challenging it, you will break their hold on your thinking. This will take endurance but it will be worth it in the end.
Question – Are you prepared to make the effort required?
Affirm – The end is worth the effort.
OCTOBER 20
Challenge Your Beliefs (4)
“Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.” – Desiderata
Having found and analysed them we now move on to stage three – challenging them.
1). Why must I? I have the right as a human being to live my life to my own standards, not those of my parents, teachers, or other people.
2). Why should I? I have the right to say “No”. If I never say “No” what is my “Yes” worth?
3). What ought I? The word ought comes from the Old English and means “To owe it”. Ask yourself: “What debt do I owe that I should do this?”
The only debt you owe is to treat yourself gently. If you end up burnt out and stressed you will be no good to anyone.
In the words of the old proverb:
“He that is ill to himself will be no good to anyone.”
Question – Do you feel putting yourself first is selfish?
Affirm – I will look after myself so that I can help others.
OCTOBER 19
Challenge Your Beliefs (3)
“Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
You begin by finding your wrong beliefs. They are usually linked to self-talk like “You should…”, “You must…”, and “You ought to…”. Having found them we now move on to stage two which is to analyse them.
Ask yourself these two questions.
1). Where does it come from? You will probably find that it is an echo from childhood. Something your parents or a teacher used to say to you.
2). Does this help or hinder me? Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. Write help at the top of one column and hindrance at the top of the other.
Assess just how helpful they are.
Question – Are you prepared to take the time to do this exercise?
Affirm – I will analyse my self-talk.
OCTOBER 18
Challenge Your Beliefs (2)
“Happy is he who has overcome his ego; happy is he who has attained peace; happy is he who has found the truth.” – The Buddha, Anuttara Nikaya (563–483 BCE)
If we are going to challenge our wrong beliefs we must begin by finding them.
There are three types of belief that you need to challenge.
[1] Irresponsible beliefs. Some examples include:
. I’m not responsible for the way I am
. It’s my parent’s fault, my mother was a worrier
. If I am going to change, someone must do it for me
. I am controlled by my circumstances.
[2] Irrational beliefs.
. If I don’t do everything perfectly, I’m a failure
. I predict the worst is going to happen to me.
[3] Impossible beliefs.
. I must know everything
. I must be able to do anything I’m asked
. I must be popular with everyone
. It’s rude to say “No”.
These beliefs will result in you:
. Feeling powerless
. Trying to please everyone
. Never saying “No”
. Striving to live up to unrealistic standards.
The result – You are stressed.
Question – Do you believe any of these statements?
Affirm – I will challenge my false beliefs.
OCTOBER 17
C = Challenge Your Beliefs (1)
“The Psychoanalytic School of Psychiatry has postulated that chronic fatigue, like anxiety, is a danger signal that something is wrong.” – Harrison’s Principles of Internal Medicine
There is a law of life, as real as any law of nature.
What you Believe is What you Receive.
An example of this can be found in the Book of Job. The Greek translation of the Old Testament, called the Septuagint, translates Job 3:25–26 like this:
“For the terror on which I meditated has come upon me, and that which I feared has befallen me. I was not at peace, nor quiet, nor had I rest; yet wrath came upon me.”
So, a good place to begin to succeed with stress is:
Challenge and Change Wrong Beliefs.
To bring this about you need to F.A.C.E. your beliefs.
F = Find them
A = Analyse them
C = Challenge them
E = Endure until you change them.
Question – Are you ready to face your wrong beliefs?
Affirm – I will challenge and change my wrong beliefs.
OCTOBER 16
Success with Stress
“A calm and undisturbed mind and heart are the life and health of the body, but envy, jealousy, and wrath are as rottenness to the bones.” – A Proverb of Solomon (10th Century BCE)
King Solomon of Israel, reputed to be the wisest man that ever lived, gives this concise description of psychosomatic illness.
The word psychosomatic comes from two Greek words: psyche, the soul or mind, and soma, the body. It is the study of sicknesses caused by the way we think.
The basic question is how can you have a calm mind?
There are four keys:
C = Challenge your beliefs
A = Assert yourself
L = Learn to relax
M = Manage your time
Question – Do you have a calm mind?
Affirm – I will apply these four keys to my life.
OCTOBER 15
Signs of Stress (5)
When a Friend becomes a Foe
“To live with our emotion perpetually on the stretch, and our minds always on the alert, is not to live, but uselessly to waste the very fine fibre of our nervous being.” – W. C. Loosemore
A short-term fight or flight reaction is a friend to protect us. It becomes a foe when it’s prolonged, because it can cause harm.
Here are some of the possible results:
1). Muscle tension restricts the blood flow and increases blood pressure. Long term result = headaches and possible strokes.
2). Persistent pressure on the heart will cause heart problems.
3). The thickening of the blood increases the possibility of thrombosis.
4). The brain on red alert makes it harder to concentrate and by getting to sleep. Therefore, your efficiency decreases.
5). The digestive system shutting down can result in stomach ulcers and irritable bowel syndrome.
6). Prolonged stress makes the immune system less efficient, leaving you more susceptible to infections and allergies.
Question – Are you controlling stress or is it controlling you?
Affirm – I will get my stress under control.
OCTOBER 14
Signs of Stress (4)
Brain and Behaviour
“In the tumult of my anxious thoughts your comfort has spoken peace to my soul.” – Psalm 94
The same time that the body is going onto Red Alert, so is the brain. The senses are heightened to receive any information. The brain goes into overdrive to process all of the information that is coming in via the senses. Because the brain is sensing a threat, the behaviour becomes aggressive and anxious.
This will show itself in increased irritability, frustration, and restlessness.
This will result in muddled thinking, rash decision making, and loss of concentration and perspective.
Question – Do you find your thoughts in turmoil?
Affirm – I will speak peace to my soul.
OCTOBER 13
Signs of Stress (3)
Fight or Flight
“Happy is he who has been able to learn the cause of things.” – Virgil (1st Century BCE)
How does the body react to a threat?
1). Muscles tense ready for action – fight or flight.
2). Heart beats faster to supply blood to essential muscles.
3). Breathing quickens – ready for action.
4). Skin begins to perspire to keep the body cool.
5). The eye pupils dilate to give wider vision.
6). 30 different hormones are activated.
7). Digestive system shuts down, blood is needed elsewhere.
8). Blood thickens in case of wounds.
9). A cocktail of chemicals are released into the bloodstream.
10). The bladder and bowel want to empty themselves to lighten the body in order to be ready for the fight or flight response.
These reactions take place automatically, so that your body is now ready to fight the enemy or run away.
Question – Did you know stress is your reaction to a threat?
Affirm – I will make sure that stress is a friend not a foe.
OCTOBER 12
Signs of Stress (2)
A Bow and a Body
“The bow too tensely strung is easily broken.” – Publius Syrus (1st Century BCE)
There is a legend about the Apostle John. One day someone saw him sitting enjoying the sunshine and asked him why he was not out building the Kingdom of God. John replied: “The bow that is always at full stretch will soon cease to shoot straight.”
The picture of a bow helps illustrate how stress can be both a friend and a foe. In a battle, the bow string needs to be tense so that it is ready to shoot arrows. Problems begin if the bow string is constantly taught and tight. It will eventually weaken the bow.
When the body perceives a threat it goes into self-preservation mode. For a short time this is alright, but if the body stays on full alert for long periods of time it can cause a variety of harmful disorders and problems.
Question – Do you find it difficult to relax?
Affirm – I must learn to take time to relax.
OCTOBER 11
Signs of Stress (1)
“Stress has an impact on our thoughts, feelings, behaviour, and physiology.” – Dr Don Meichenbaum
Stress effects:
. Our Body
. Our Brain
. Our Behaviour.
Since the dawn of time, mankind has learned to survive by being able to react quickly to a threat of attack. The root cause of any stress is an assumed threat. This causes our body, brain, and behaviour to go onto “Red Alert” in preparation to defend ourselves. This is known as the “Fight or flight response”.
All the signs of stress can be explained in the light of this principle of self-preservation. The stress response can either be a friend or foe. It is all a question of time.
Question – What do you think of as signs of stress?
Affirm – I will shorten my stress responses.
OCTOBER 10
Sources of Stress (8)
S = Self Talk
“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” – Shakespeare in Hamlet
Your thought life can produce stress. If you constantly have a tape playing in your head which is telling you “You ought”, “You must”, “You should”, or “You have to”, you will feel driven and not relaxed.
Many people in the caring professions, like doctors and nurses, end up with “burn-out”. The reason being is because there are so many needs they feel they “ought” to be doing something about.
Question – Are you driving or driven?
Affirm – I will control my thoughts and my ought’s.
OCTOBER 9
Sources of Stress (7)
E = Environment
“If you can keep your head, when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you…” – If by Rudyard Kipling (1865–1936)
There are several factors in your environment that can cause you to become stressed.
. The threat of redundancy
. An overdemanding boss with unrealistic expectations
. If you live with constant criticism
. If you live with constant noise
. If you have long-running relationship difficulties
. If you have continuous financial problems
. Being under-challenged and bored can also cause stress.
When we read in a newspaper of someone who is unemployed being stressed we tend to think it’s a joke, but it is true. Underachieving can be stressful.
Question – Do any of these points ring any bells?
Affirm – I will become more aware of what stresses me.
OCTOBER 8
Sources of Stress (6)
C = Compulsive Behaviour
“When we begin to believe that perfection is actually possible – and even necessary – for self-esteem, peace of mind, and acceptance by others. At that point it has become a compulsion.” – Ann W. Smith M.S. in Overcoming Perfectionism
The three main ways compulsive behaviour shows itself are:
[1] In your work.
. Are you afraid to finish a task in case someone criticises it?
. Do you make a great effort to see that every detail is right?
. Do you get upset if you make a mistake?
. Do others call you a perfectionist?
[2] In your washing.
. Do you have to make sure everything is spotlessly clean?
. Do you take an excessive amount of time over your appearance?
. Are you house proud?
. Does your car have to be immaculate?
[3] Your weight.
. Are you compulsive over the things you eat?
. Do you have to chew every mouthful a certain number of times?
. Are you constantly on a diet?
Question – Do you ever ask why do I have to do this?
Affirm – My self-worth is not because I am perfect.
OCTOBER 7
Source of Stress (5)
R = Relationship
“I have a bias which leads me to believe that no problem of human relations is ever insoluble.” – Ralph Bunche
When you commit yourself to loving someone, you make yourself vulnerable to being hurt. Hurt can produce stress.
The highest causes of stress are the death of your partner, divorce, and marriage separation. These are closely followed by the death of a close member of your family.
Strife between parents and teenagers can also cause stress. The sense of loss when your children leave home to go to college, get married, or make a career move can cause stress. The greater the love the greater the loss.
Question – Do your relationships cause you stress?
Affirm – I will love no matter what the cost.
OCTOBER 6
Sources of Stress (4)
U = Unsuited to Your Job
“A man’s got to know his limitations.” – Clint Eastwood in the film Magnum Force
Some years ago, the Daily Telegraph carried the obituary of the Reverend Paul Kingdon. Here is an abridged version of his obituary.
“The Reverend Paul Kingdon, the scholar priest, who has died, aged 82, was well known in Oxford in the 1930s, but never fulfilled his early promise. Although a Fellow of Exeter College Oxford from 1933–45, he had no vocation as a teacher. He was relentless in the pursuit of arcane detail and lectured in terms so obscure that few of his students could understand him. Sadly, he faired little better as a parish priest. He had a remarkable capacity for creating misunderstanding and often left a trail of havoc behind him… In 1951 he returned to teaching at King Alfred’s College Winchester. He was not a success there and left in 1956.
Kingdon then became vicar of Chewton Mendip near Bath and was also appointed lecturer at Wells Theological College. He was quite unfitted for both of these posts, the second of which lasted no more than a fortnight… Fortunately, he inherited enough money to retire in 1964.”
The Reverend Kingdon could never have experienced job satisfaction or felt fulfilled. To be constantly struggling to keep his head above water, must have created high levels of stress for him.
Question – Are you struggling to keep your head above water?
Affirm – I will identify and develop my strengths.
OCTOBER 5
Sources of Stress (3)
O = Old Hurts
“Patience under old injuries invites new ones.” – Proverb
Your life is like a bucket. Things that are said and done to you, unless they are dealt with, begin to fill your bucket.
If a child is criticised and never complemented – by a parent or teacher – then its bucket has begun to fill up. Every negative comment made from then on, just adds to the amount already in the bucket. If your bucket is almost full, then the final thing that causes your bucket to overflow may be something small. The old hurts and problems can cause you to erupt like a volcano, quite inappropriately to the size of the problem.
Question – Do you ever react to situations?
Affirm – I will respond responsibly.
OCTOBER 4
Sources of Stress (2)
S = Situations
“Life is not always what one wants it to be, but to make the best of it as it is, is the only way to be happy.” – Lady Randolph “Jennie” Churchill (1854–1921)
Changes happen in our lives. How we react can produce stress.
Frank’s life revolved around two things: his work and his wife. He was made redundant and within a month his wife died. His stress levels went through the roof and resulted in him having a nervous breakdown.
Some changes are good, but they can still produce stress. You may be promoted at work which means you have more responsibility. You may have a baby which upsets your sleep patterns and the routine of your house.
Question – How well do you cope with change in your life?
Affirm – I will cope with the changes that come.
OCTOBER 3
Source of Stress (1)
“If, under stress, a man goes to pieces, he will probably be told to pull himself together. It would be more effective to help him identify the pieces and to understand why they have come apart.” – R Ruddock in Six Approaches to the Person
There are seven main sources of stress. I have linked them to the word S.O.U.R.C.E.S. to make them easier to remember.
S = Situations
O = Old hurts
U = Unsuited to your job
R = Relationship problems
C = Compulsive behaviour
S = Self talk
Question – Do you know the source of your stress?
Affirm – I can confront it and control it.
OCTOBER 2
The Stress Test
“Stress upon structures, or upon people, occurs when more pressure or strain is being applied than they were designed to withstand.” – Prof. Terry Looker
Are you enduring more pressure than you were designed to?
- Do you wake up feeling tired?
- Do you feel guilty if you sit still for more than 10 minutes?
- Can you remember the last time you had fun?
- Are you impatient or irritable?
- Are you forgetful?
- Do you find it difficult to concentrate?
- Do you find there are not enough hours in the day?
- Do you catch every infection that’s going around?
- Do you have any nervous habits (nail biting, chain smoking)?
- Do you find it difficult to get to sleep?
Your scores
- Yes to more than 5. You have a potential problem with stress.
- Yes to more than 7. You have a problem with stress.
Question – Do you have a problem with stress?
Affirm – I can learn to control my stress levels.
OCTOBER 1
Stressful Times
“But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of stress.” – St Paul to Timothy
We live in an age and era where more and more are demanded of us. Larry Dossey M.D. in his book Space, Time, and Medicine writes:
“. . . we attempt to do more and more in less and less time. The price we pay is stress, tension, and anxiety.”
To be competitive in today’s economic climate we have to produce more and more in our working day. This results in stress.
As we look at society today, we see that many people are burning out, having panic attacks, feeling anxious and tense. 70% of adults will need help with stress at sometime during their life.
The medical profession in the United States and Britain are on record as claiming that some seventy per cent of people who go to see their doctor, are suffering with symptoms that are stress induced.
It is estimated that 180 million working days are lost in Britain every year due to stress. This means that the cost of stress in the UK is approximately 10% of the Gross National Output.
To live effectively, we need to learn how to cope with stress.
Question – Are you good at handling your stress levels?
Affirm – I will learn how to control my stress.
Theme For the Month of October – Success With Stress
Quotation for the Month
“O God of my righteousness: in pressure thou hast enlarged me.” – Psalm 4:1
Map of the Month
The Right Foundational Questions
[1] The source of stress
S = Situations
O = Old hurts
U = Unsuited to your job
R = Relationship problems
C = Compulsive behaviour
E = Environmental factors
S = Self talk
[2] The signs of stress
[3] Success with stress
C = Challenge your beliefs
A = Assert yourself
L = Learn to relax
M = Manage your time
A Meditation for the Month
Desideria (Latin for “The desired things”)
Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant: they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
Do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.
Found in Old St Paul’s Church, Baltimore, dated 1692
A Promise
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:7
A Prayer
O God, make us children of quietness, and heirs of peace.
Clement of Rome (1st century)
SEPTEMBER 30
Power Over Problems (3)
“Things do not change; we change.” – Henry David Thoreau
Our problems do not change. They are still the same problems.
The key to having power over our problems is to change our view of them. To do this we need to understand and apply the five principles which will give us P.O.W.E.R. over problems.
P = Problem solving. Break them down into manageable pieces and explore how to deal with them.
O = Overcoming obstacles. Identify any obstacles in your way and turn a bastille into a bridge.
W = Ways of seeing problems. See the problems as: a friend having come to teach you something; a trend preparing you for the future; or a bend – a change of direction in your life.
E = Endurance. Persevere until you are victorious.
R = Rejoice in your problems. Learn how to live above your problems and not under them.
Question – Do you have power over your problems?
Affirm – I will rule over my problems.
SEPTEMBER 29
Rejoice in Your Problems
“Whenever a man allows himself to have anxieties, fears, or complaints, he must consider his behaviour as either a denial of the wisdom of God or as a confession that he is out of His will.” – William Law in An Affectionate Address to the Clergy (First published in 1761)
If you believe that God, or providence, is in control of your life, then it can help you rejoice in your problems.
George Matheson, born in 1842, went blind which led to him being abandoned by his girlfriend. Out of that experience he wrote the hymn “Oh Love that will not let me go…”
He was also the author of several prayers. One that is particularly relevant to rejoicing in your problems, reads:
“My Father, help me as a follower of Christ to say, ‘Thy will be done.’ Thou wouldest not have me accept Thy will because I must,but because I may. Thou wouldest have me take it, not with resignation, but with joy, not with the absence of murmur, but with the song of praise.”
If you can pray that prayer then you have learned how to have power over your problems.
Question – Can you submit joyfully to God’s will?
Affirm – I know not what the future holds but I know who holds the future.
SEPTEMBER 28
Rejoice in Your Problems (2)
Your Circumstances
“Everything that happens to you is your teacher. The secret is to learn to sit at the feet of your own life and be taught by it. Everything that happens is either a blessing which is also a lesson, or a lesson which is also a blessing.” – Polly Berends
When writing to the Romans, the Apostle Paul claimed that along with our circumstances “All things work together for the good…”
He later lists all of the trials and problems that come into a person’s life and ends with these triumphant words: “In all these things we are more than conquerors.”
A contemporary of Paul was the Greek stoic philosopher Epictetus who asked this question:
“Who then remains unconquerable? He whom the inevitable can not overcome.”
If you have learned how to rejoice in your problems, you are living above your circumstances and not under them. Therefore, the inevitable cannot overcome you – you are unconquerable.
Question – Do you reign over your problems?
Affirm – I rule over my circumstances; they don’t rule me.
SEPTEMBER 27
Power Over Problems – Stage Five
R = Rejoice in Your Problems (1)
“We can be full of joy here and now even in our trials and troubles. Taken in the right spirit these very things will give us patient endurance; this in turn will develop a mature character, and …this produces a steady hope that will never disappoint us.” – J.B. Phillips’ translation of Roman 5
The two main sources of problems are people and circumstances. If we can’t change other people or our circumstances, then all we can do is change our attitude towards them.
Q: How can we learn to rejoice in our problems?
A: By looking for the right answers.
The kettle of water was just coming up to the boil. The son asked: “Mum, why is the water boiling?”
Mum could answer in one of two ways.
[1] Explain what is happening. “The water has been heated until it has reached the temperature where water turns to steam – therefore it’s boiling.”
[2] Explain why it is happening. “Because I want a cup of coffee.”
We resent our problems, rather than rejoice in them because we concentrate on now. We therefore focus on what is happening, rather than asking ourselves why is this happening?
1). Is this a friend come to teach me something?
2). Is this a trend, preparing me for the future, like the Chinese peasant?
3). Is this a bend, a change of direction in my life, like Julio Iglesias?
Question – Do you ask what? Or why?
Affirm – I will seek to understand why things happen.
SEPTEMBER 26
Endurance (3)
Come To Pass!
Whoever knocks persistently, ends by entering. – Ali, Arabian Caliph (600-661)
I remember reading of a self-taught preacher who loved and lived his Bible. Once, when preaching about overcoming problems, he said:
“When I have a problem, I read my Bible. Before long I come to the words ‘and it came to pass’ and I remember that these problems are not here to stay [but] they have ‘come to pass.’”
I’m not too sure of his explanation of ‘come to pass’, but the principle is right. Problems come and problems go.
Ephesus in Turkey is a complete ancient city. In the first century, the church at Ephesus struggled with two major problems: the worship of the Emperor and the worship of Artemis (or Diana).
Today, all that is left of the temple of Artemis is one column, and there is nothing left of the Emperor worship.
In more recent times Communism was the scourge of religion. In many places the grip of communism has now been broken.
Question – Have you a problem that has ‘come to pass’?
Affirm – I won’t be a worrier; I’ll be a warrior.
SEPTEMBER 25
Endurance (2)
Sink or Swim?
“A failure establishes only this, that our determination to succeed was not strong enough.” – Bovee
Over 2,000 years ago, Aesop told the story of the two frogs who fell into a bucket of cream. The first frog tried to get out and couldn’t so he gave up, sank to the bottom, and was drowned.
The second frog, so the story goes, kept swimming around until he had churned the cream into butter. When it was stiff enough he managed to escape.
How do you cope with problems? Do you give in and sink, or keep on going until you overcome them?
Question – Are you going to sink or swim?
Affirm – I will keep going until I overcome the problem.
SEPTEMBER 24
Power Over Problems – Stage Four
E = Endurance
“The nose of the bulldog is slanted backwards so that he can continue to breathe without letting go.” – Winston Churchill
The E of P.O.W.E.R = Endurance
Persistence and perseverance lead to success. Many people give up just before the breakthrough comes. As a result, they end up defeated and discouraged.
Thomas Edison attributed his success to: “I start where the last man left off.”
In the Far East, Chinese Bamboo is grown. For four years they continue to water and feed it with no apparent results. Then, during the fifth year, in a period of just five weeks, the bamboo grows ninety feet into the air.
If the farmers, at the end of the fourth year, had decided that after watering and fertilising it for four years, that it was no good wasting any more time, money, and effort on it, they would never have seen the breakthrough, because the plant would have perished.
Question – Do you give up too easily?
Affirm – I will be patient and persistent.
SEPTEMBER 23
Ways of Seeing Things (4)
“Life can only be understood backwards …it has to be lived forwards.” – Soren Kierkegaard, Danish philosopher (1813–1855)
A Chinese peasant had two things of which he was very proud. A strong son and a horse. In his culture, a horse was a sign of great wealth, and the people in the village said to him:
“How fortunate you are having a strong son and a horse to help you work your farm.”
To which he responded: “How do you know I am fortunate?”
One day the horse escaped and the villagers came and said to him, “How unfortunate you are losing your horse.”
Again, he responded: “How do you know I am unfortunate?”
A week later the horse returned with twelve more, and the son captured them in the corral. No one in all of the province had that many horses, and true to form the villagers said to him: “How fortunate you are having so many horses.”
Back came the usual reply, “How do you know I am fortunate?”
Whilst breaking in one of the wild horses the son’s knee smashed, and so he became a cripple. The villagers all gave their condolences and as a collective said: “How unfortunate you are having a crippled son.”
The wise old Chinaman stroked his grey beard and gave the same response. “How do you know I am unfortunate?”
A year later the local warlord came and took all of the fit able bodied young men off to war (and they all died). The crippled son was left behind and survived.
The villagers did not say to the old man, “How fortunate you are”, because they had learned a valuable lesson.
Question – Do you think life is all a matter of chance?
Affirm – I will look for trends in my life.
SEPTEMBER 22
Ways of Seeing Things (3)
“Gray skies are just clouds passing over.” – Duke Ellington, Composer and Band Leader (1894–1974)
A professional footballer played for Real Madrid. His soccer career came to an abrupt end when he crashed his sports car. He was paralysed and spent over a year in hospital. To help him pass the time whilst he was recuperating, one of the nurses loaned him a guitar. Although he had no musical aspirations, this crisis was a bend in the road of his life.
He did not wallow in self-pity at the loss of his football career, but he went on to become an international singing star. His name – Julio Iglesias.
Although Franklin D Roosevelt was stricken with paralysis, he still went on to become President of the United States.
Glenn Cunninham, whose legs as a child were so badly burnt that doctors said he would never walk again, set the world record for the mile (4 min. 6.7 secs) in 1934.
Question – Are you letting self-pity rob you?
Affirm – I will not let self-pity invade my life.
SEPTEMBER 21
Ways of Seeing Things (2)
Circumstances
“When all kinds of trials and temptations crowd into your lives… don’t resent them as intruders, but welcome them as friends.” – Epistle of James Chapter 1
Q: How can we welcome problems into our lives as friends?
A: Because they have come to teach us something.
When you see problems as friends that have come to teach you something, then your attitude towards them will change.
Ask yourself, “What is this person or situation going to teach me, or build into my life?”
When you ask the right questions and listen to yourself for the right answers, you will start to learn from your problems.
Question – Do you see problems as enemies or friends?
Affirm – I will learn from my life.
SEPTEMBER 20
Power Over Problems – Stage Three
W = Ways of Seeing Things (1)
People
“So that’s what Hell is …it’s other people.” – Jean-Paul Sartre, French Existentialist (b. 1905)
One day Aesop, who wrote the fables, was sitting by the roadside just outside Athens. A passing stranger stopped and asked him:
“What are the people like in Athens?”
Aesop enquired: “Tell me where you come from and what sort of people live there?”
“I come from Argos, and the people there are terrible – liars, thieves, unjust, and argumentative,” the man answered.
“Sorry to tell you” replied Aesop, “that you will find the people of Athens just like that.”
A few minutes later, another man stopped and asked Aesop the same question. So, Aesop asked him the same question, “Where are you from and what are the people like?”
“I’m from Argos” the man replied, “and the people are very friendly, helpful, and trustworthy.”
Aesop smiled and said: “Friend, I’m glad to tell you that you will find the people of Athens just like that.”
Remember the words from the Talmud.
“We don’t see things as they are, but as we are.”
Question – How do you see people?
Affirm – I will see the best in people.
SEPTEMBER 19
Overcoming Obstacles (9)
People 4
“Don’t hate – it’s too big a burden to bear.” – Martin Luther King Sr (1899–1984)
The American Hopi Indians have a proverb:
Do not allow anger to poison you.
This principle is illustrated by Dr Paul Tournier. He recounts the story of a woman who came to see him with a blood disorder. He referred her to the local hospital for blood tests. Two weeks later the results came back – “normal”.
Dr Tournier asked her, “Has anything happened to you since I examined you?” to which she replied: “Oh yes! I have been bearing a grudge against someone for a long time, but last week I decided to forgive them.”
Scientists believe they have found the missing link between the brain and the body; they are proteins called cytokines.
Positive attitudes help stimulate the production of cytokines which strengthens the immune system and protects the body. Stress and negative attitudes hinder their production and therefore leave the body more liable to infection.
Question – Have you taken back the people you forgave?
Affirm – I will focus on positive attitudes.
SEPTEMBER 18
Overcoming Obstacles (8)
People 3
“Those people who keep the peace of the inner self in the midst of turmoil are immune to both nervous and organic disorders.” – Dr Alexis Carrel
I told the story of the bear and the coffee pot to someone who was holding a grudge against several people. I asked him to forgive them and explained that he was only hurting himself.
As he thought of the people who had hurt him it brought on an angina attack, but as he forgave them it stopped. He later told me that normally he would have had to take medication and lie down, but the moment his attitude changed the angina stopped.
Ask yourself – How am I hurting them by being resentful? Am I hurting myself by being resentful?
I know you think they don’t deserve to be forgiven, but why damage yourself? Holding on to the hurts of the past is only damaging you and not the person who wounded you.
You are acting like the bear hugging the coffee pot. The longer you do it, the more it is going to damage you. Let them go for your own sake.
Question – Are you prepared to let them go?
Affirm – I release you… (Say their name out loud)
SEPTEMBER 17
Overcoming Obstacles (7)
People 2
“The way I see it, if you want the rainbow you gotta’ put up with the rain.” – Dolly Parton, Singer and Actress
Doug Hooper tells the story of a group of men who went hunting in the Rockies. They pitched camp, lit a fire, left a coffee pot hanging over the fire, and went off hunting.
Whilst they were away, a bear ambled into their camp. He saw the coffee pot with its lid dancing in the steam. Out of curiosity he touched it and burnt himself. His instinctive reaction was to give the pot a bear hug. Yet the more he hugged it the more it burnt him.
You may think, “What a stupid bear. Why didn’t he let it go.”
The fact is most humans react in exactly the same way. They get hurt by someone and instead of letting them go, they hold them in a bear hug of resentment and unforgiveness. They end up damaging themselves physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Question – Are you holding unforgiveness towards someone?
Affirm – I will let go of unforgiveness.
SEPTEMBER 16
Overcoming Obstacles (6)
People 1
“If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man.” – The Epistle of James
Sidney J Harris, the American columnist and author, tells the story of a friend buying a newspaper on a Friday evening. He politely greeted the man at the kiosk but got a very brusque reply and a newspaper thrust rudely into his hand. Harris’ friend wished the newspaper man a pleasant weekend.
As they walked away Harris asked, “Does he always treat you that rudely?”
“Yes, unfortunately he does,” the friend responded.
“Are you always so polite to him?” Harris enquired.
“Yes I am,” came the brief reply.
Harris continued to probe: “Why are you so polite to him, when he is so rude to you?”
The friend then made a profound statement. “Because I don’t want him to decide how I’m going to act.”
Act don’t react
If you’re going to have power over your problems then you need to take control of your life, and not let other people dictate how you will respond in any given situation.
Question – Do you act or react towards people?
Affirm – I will not give others authority over my emotions.
SEPTEMBER 15
Overcoming Obstacles (5)
Wrong Beliefs
“The perpetual obstacle to human advancement is custom.” – John Stuart Mill (1806–73)
The ancient Greeks tried every conceivable way to get a man to run a mile in under four minutes. According to folklore, they had lions chasing the runners and the athletes drank tiger’s milk to gain extra strength.
None of these measures worked, so the Greeks assumed that it was a physical impossibility for a human being to run a mile in under four minutes. This assumption was put forward as fact for 2,000 years.
On Thursday, May 6, 1952, at an athletics competition at Oxford between the University and the A.A.A., a medical student named Roger Bannister ran the mile. At the end of the race everyone waited with bated breath for the result.
The announcement began: “Result of one mile… Time: 3 minutes…” the 59.4 seconds was lost in the roar of the crowd. He had achieved the impossible and broken a 2,000-year-old wrong belief.
Question – Have you got any assumptions that need changing?
Affirm – I will be transformed by renewing my mind.
SEPTEMBER 14
Overcoming Obstacles (4)
Educational
“Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.” – Oscar Wilde (1854–1900)
Many successful people have struggled with their education.
In politics, Winston Churchill failed the 11 plus exam and John Major had only two ‘O’ levels. Yet both became Prime Minister of Britain.
Edison and Einstein were both thrown out of school. They were such hopeless students their teachers called them unteachable. The psychologist Adler’s parents were told by his teacher: “He may become a shoe repairer but don’t expect much more.”
In the business world, neither Richard Branson, whose Virgin empire is currently valued at more than £3 billion, nor Anita Roddick, founder of the Body Shop stores, excelled academically.
Yet all of these people made the most of their opportunities and resources.
Question – Are you blaming your education?
Affirm – I can be anything I set my mind to be.
SEPTEMBER 13
Overcoming Obstacles (3)
Social Obstacles
“I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed.” – Booker T Washington (1856–1915)
As you read the life stories of great people, you will find that they all had obstacles to overcome. Firstly, there are social obstacles.
Booker T Washington knew what he was talking about when it came to overcoming obstacles. He was born in Virginia in 1856 a slave of mixed parentage. He grew up in a society filled with racism yet he became a great leader of the black people of America.
Some 15 years after Booker T’s death, Martin Luther King Jr was born and continued the fight against racism. Even though he had many obstacles, setbacks, and disappointments, he still could say:
“I have a dream that one day…”
The Rev Jessie Jackson, in one of his election speeches, referred to an obstacle he had overcome, when he said:
“I was born in the slums but the slums weren’t born in me.”
These three men all had social obstacles to overcome but they didn’t prevent them from achieving their destiny.
Question – What obstacles have you got to overcome?
Affirm – I will overcome all obstacles in my path.
SEPTEMBER 12
Overcoming Obstacles (2)
Lighthouse or Lifeboat?
“If there is no struggle, there is no progress.” – Frederick Douglass (1817–95)
On January 12, 1899, a Force 8 gale was lashing the south coast of England. The Forest Hall was in trouble in Porlock Bay and was requesting assistance. The nearest lifeboat was the Louisa at Lynmouth.
There was a problem. The gale was blowing onshore so it was impossible to launch the lifeboat from Lynmouth. After conferring, the Louisa’s coxswain said, “We launch from Porlock.”
The Louisa was over 34 feet (11 metres) long and weighed 3.5 tons. They took her up a 1:4 hill, to a height of 1,400 feet. By this time the wind had increased to Force 10. They still had 15 miles of Exmoor, and some of the wildest countryside in England, to cross. They also had to get down Porlock Hill, which is 1 in 3, and one of the most dangerous hills in Britain.
Some of the obstacles they moved enroute were a large Elm tree, and an elderly lady’s cottage garden. They arrived at Porlock early the next morning and proceeded to launch and rescue those stranded on the Forest Hall.
Remember – The main difference between a lifeboat and a lighthouse is, you can move a lifeboat.
Question – When you see an obstacle, do you distinguish between a lighthouse and a lifeboat?
Affirm – Obstacles are to be overcome.
SEPTEMBER 11
Power Over Problems – Stage Two
O = Overcoming Obstacles
“Life is mostly froth and bubble,
Two things stand like stone,
Kindness in another’s trouble,
Courage in your own.”
– Adam Lindsay Gordon (1833–70) in Ye Wearie Wayfarer Fytte 8
The O of P.O.W.E.R. = Overcoming obstacles
A basic question: “Can I alter this situation or not?”
This is an abridged version of a report by Frank Koch in Proceedings, the U.S. Naval Institute Magazine.
“Two battleships had been at sea on manoeuvres in heavy weather for several days… The visibility was poor with patchy fog.
Shortly after dark, the look-out reported: “Light, bearing on the starboard bow.”
“Is it steady or moving astern?” the captain called out.
The look-out replied: “Steady, captain,” which meant a collision.
The captain then called to the signalman, “Signal that ship: we are on a collision course, advise you change course 20 degrees.”
Back came a signal, “Advisable for you to change course 20 degrees.”
“I’m a captain, change course 20 degrees.”
“I’m a seaman second class, you had better change course.”
The captain: “I’m on a battleship, change course 20 degrees.”
Back came the flashing light: “I’m in a lighthouse.”
Question – Guess who changed course?
Affirm – I will change the things I can.
SEPTEMBER 10
7 Steps To Problem Solving (7)
Move On
“Let nothing disturb thee, Nothing affright thee; All things are passing; God never changeth.” – Saint Teresa of Avila (1515–1582 AD)
There’s a Swahili Proverb: After distress, solace.
When you have resolved a big problem, have a brief rest before you begin to look for another project. If you are anything like me you’ll have several projects you are planning for the future, but remember the age-old adage “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”
When you come to look at your next problem, remember:
P = Pin-point the problem – Be specific
R = Review your options – Brainstorm the possibilities
O = Option evaluation – Look at the pros and cons, the for and against
B = Best solution – Decide which is the best solution
L = List the stages – Break the project down into small stages
E = Encourage yourself – Pat yourself on the back
M = Move on – When you finish have a rest, then move on to your next problem.
Question – Do you analyse your problems?
Affirm – I will break my problems down into manageable pieces.
SEPTEMBER 9
7 Steps To Problem Solving (6)
Encourage Yourself
“Even the smallest victory is never to be taken for granted. Each victory is to be applauded, because it is so easy not to battle at all.” – Andre Lorde (1934–1992)
If the project is going to take some time to accomplish, then you need encouragement to maintain your motivation. So, as the project proceeds, be sure to acknowledge and applaud your courage in tackling this problem. It is so easy to just sit back, complain, and do nothing about it.
If you are working with someone else on the project, then encourage each other as you complete each stage in the strategy. Give yourself and your partners a good pat on the back.
People are always ready to criticise and complain but few take the opportunity to praise someone.
Question – I need encouraging. Don’t you?
Affirm – I will encourage myself and others.
SEPTEMBER 8
7 Steps To Problem Solving (5)
List the Stages to the Solution
“All things are difficult before they are easy.” – John Norley
Seen as a whole, a problem can look very daunting. As you break it down into smaller tasks, it seems to be more manageable.
Stage 1: Estimation – Calculate the cost of the materials you will need.
. Black plastic sheeting, to cover the lawn and stop the grass growing up through the chippings
. Stone chippings to cover the lawn to a depth of three inches
. Edgings to stop the chippings spreading and being lost
. Tubs to plant shrubs in to brighten up the chippings on the ground.
Stage 2: Application –
. Set a date for the project to be implemented
. Is there enough manpower, shovels, wheelbarrows, etc.?
Question – Do you try to anticipate obstacles?
Affirm – Anticipation can prevent frustration.
SEPTEMBER 7
7 Steps To Problem Solving (4)
Best Solution
“It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.” – Roy Disney
We need to go for the best solution. Sometimes we can’t have the ideal and so we need to make a realistic compromise.
In his book The Cherry Orchard, Chekhov tells of a family who owned a large house which they could not afford to maintain. Someone suggested selling off some of the land to raise money. The family rejected the idea. They preferred to risk losing it all rather than compromise.
Three categories of solutions
. Short-term solutions
. Long-term solutions
. Unrealistic solutions.
Begin by looking at the facts – Frank’s lawn
. Frank has a lawn mower
. Frank’s son David goes to visit his parents once a week.
Short-term solution. David will mow the lawn, weather permitting, when he visits each week.
Long-term solution. During the winter months, whilst the grass is not growing, David will replace the lawn with stone chippings.
Question – Do you agree with my conclusions?
Affirm – I can identify the best solution.
SEPTEMBER 6
7 Steps To Problem Solving (3)
Option Evaluation
“To be, or not to be: that is the question.” – Shakespeare in Hamlet
When you have finished writing down your options, take a new piece of paper. Draw a line down the middle of the page and put FOR and AGAINST at the top of the page.
Evaluate each option, with regard to cost, inconvenience, the time, and work involved, etc., until you find the one which has the most in its favour and the least against it.
Frank’s lawn – Option evaluation
. Buying astroturf or moving house are out because of the cost involved
. The goat or sheep are out due to inconvenience
. Replacing with slabs or chippings will take time and money.
The short-term solution is to find a volunteer or pay someone to do it. A longer-term solution would be to replace the lawn with slabs or chippings.
Question – Which do you think is the best solution?
Affirm – I can solve any problem using this outline.
SEPTEMBER 5
7 Steps To Problem Solving (2)
Review Your Options
“The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.” – David Russell
Sit down with a pen and paper, and with your partner if appropriate. Relax your body and mind and tune into your imagination. Now write down any solutions that come into your mind. Don’t try to evaluate them, just brainstorm possibilities. It does not matter how unrealistic they are. Write them down.
To illustrate the principles, we will take a simple example. Frank is 84 years old. His problem is mowing the lawn. His options.
[1] Find a volunteer to do it for him
[2] Pay someone to do it
[3] Buy a goat or a sheep that would eat the grass
[4] Buy astroturf which doesn’t need mowing
[5] Have the lawn replaced with paving slabs or stone chippings
[6] Move to another house which doesn’t have a lawn.
Question – Can you think of any other options?
Affirm – I’ll be imaginative in my problem solving.
SEPTEMBER 4
7 Steps To Problem Solving (1)
“It is a capital mistake to theorise before one has the data.” – Sherlock Holmes in Scandal in Bohemia by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (1859–1930)
Step 1. Pin-Point the Problem
It is no use saying, “I’m unhappy” or “I’m dissatisfied”. You need to pin-point why you are unhappy or dissatisfied. Until you know what the problem is you can’t solve it.
If your car won’t start, it’s no good just saying “It won’t start…”. You need to find out why it’s not starting.
Is there fuel in the tank? Is the fuel getting to the engine? Are the electrics working okay? Is the spark plug sparking?
Once you have pin-pointed the problem, then you can solve it.
The same is true in life.
Question – Do you pin-point your problems?
Affirm – I will clearly identify the problem.
SEPTEMBER 3
Power Over Problems – Stage One
P = Problem Solving
“Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.” – Marie Curie, Nobel Prize Winner 1903 (1867–1934)
We are faced with problems of varying importance most of the days of our life. How we handle our problems will determine if we are going to be a success or a failure.
There are 7 steps to problem solving. We will use the acronym P.R.O.B.L.E.M. as an outline.
P = Pin-point the problem
R = Review your options
O = Option evaluation
B = Best solution
L = List the stages
E = Encourage yourself
M = Move on.
Question – How do you deal with your problems?
Affirm – I can resolve any problem.
SEPTEMBER 2
Where Will You End Up?
“I will be a different person when this problem is past. I will be a wiser, stronger, more patient person; or I will be sour, cynical, bitter, disillusioned, and angry. It all depends on what I do with this problem.” – Pastor Robert H Schuller
The Lickey Hills are a range of hills 11 miles south-west of the centre of Birmingham, England. On top of these hills there is a spot which is a watershed. Two drops of rain can fall within an inch of each other; one will end up off the east coast in the North Sea, and the other off the west coast in the Atlantic.
Problems are like a watershed in your life. According to how you handle them, you will decide where you will end up. You will either end up bitter or better.
This month we will be looking at five principles which give us P.O.W.E.R. over problems.
P = Problem solving
O = Overcoming obstacles
W = Ways of seeing problems
E = Endurance
R = Rejoice in your problems.
Question – Will your problems make you bitter or better?
Affirm – I will be better not bitter.
SEPTEMBER 1
Build a Bridge from a Bastille
“In every block of marble, I see a statue… I only have to hew away the rough walls… to reveal it to the other eyes as mine see it.” – Michelangelo (1475–1564)
Problems are like blocks of stone. It all depends upon how you view them and use them.
When the Bastille in Paris was destroyed in 1789, the blocks of stone were re-used to build a bridge. Problems are like blocks of stone, they can either imprison you or build a bridge to a more fulfilled life.
Twenty-five miles east of Paris lies Coupvray. In 1809, the village saddler, Simon-Rene Braille, and his wife had a son Louis. At the age of three he was playing with an awl in his father’s workshop. The child accidentally poked himself in the eye with the sharp pointed tool and lost his sight.
About 15 years later, Louis Braille used the same tool which had put him into a prison of blindness, to build a bridge to the outside world for himself and other blind people. He developed the system of reading and writing that still bears his name.
Question – Do you see stumbling blocks or stepping stones?
Affirm – I will look for positive solutions.
Theme For the Month of September – Power Over Problems
Quotation for the Month
“Problems are opportunities in work clothes.” – Henry Kaiser, U.S. Industrialist
Map of the Month
The Right Foundational Questions
P = Problem solving
O = Overcoming obstacles
W = Ways of viewing problems
E = Endurance
R = Rejoice in your problems.
A Meditation for the Month
“He is a miserly man who does not solve the problems of life as a human and who thus quits this world like the cats and dogs, without understanding the science of self-realisation.” – The Brhad (Aranyaka Upanishad)
A Promise
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” – St Paul to the Philippians
A Prayer
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” – Pastor Reinhold Niebuhr (1892–1971)
AUGUST 31
Brave New World
“An entirely new system of thought is needed, a system based on attention to people, and not primarily attention to goods.” – E.F. Schumacher in Small is Beautiful
Principle of Successful Living 18
In one of his books, John Powell put it like this:
“There is a law of life as real as the law of gravity, that we should love people and use things, and not love things and use people.”
We need relationships not only to survive but also to succeed.
We must build on the principles of mutual respect, recognition, and responsibility. As we do, we will develop strong and healthy relationships. This will build a stronger, caring society that is more concerned with people than with material possessions.
Question – Are people more important to you than possessions?
Affirm – I will put people before possessions.
AUGUST 30
Develop Sensitivity (2)
To Your Children
“It takes mutual respect to make a family work, not because parents and children are equals, but because they have an equal right to be respected.” – M Kelly in The Mother’s Almanac
Parents need to spend quality time with their children, listening to what they have to say, and how they are seeing things. Your children are growing up in a completely different world to the one you grew up in.
When I left school some of my peers could walk out of a job on a Friday and start another one on Monday morning. Today’s youth can study, go to university, gain a degree, and still not get a job.
When I left school, the world was my oyster. This bred an optimistic generation. We had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Stevie Wonder. The youth of today have no cash, no hope, and no wonder.
Learn to listen to your children. Develop a sensitivity to them. Don’t say, “I can’t understand my teenager, he won’t listen to me.”
Question – Do you listen to your children?
Affirm – I will treat my children with respect.
AUGUST 29
Develop Sensitivity (1)
To Your Partner
“Creativity is so delicate a flower that praise tends to make it bloom, while discouragement often nips it in the bud.” – Alex F. Osborn
Success in a relationship, comes from being sensitive to the needs of the other person.
This principle applies:
. In business – when a salesman knows the needs of a buyer he can successfully sell to him.
. In medicine – when the doctor/therapist knows the needs of the patient, they can successfully treat them.
. In marriage – when you are sensitive to the needs of your partner, you can build a successful marriage.
Exercise. Have a relaxed meal with just your partner. After the meal, ask each other two questions. Listen to each other and discuss the implications and the application of what you’ve shared.
Question 1. What is it like being married to me?
Question 2. How could I make our marriage better for you?
Question – Do you know your partner’s needs?
Affirm – I will become more sensitive to my partner.
AUGUST 28
Assert Yourself (3)
Giving Criticism
“You have to be little, to belittle.” – John D Murphy in Your Life Magazine
The old saying, “You don’t have to blow out someone else’s candle to let your light shine”, is particularly relevant to criticism. Some people think they have to put others down to feel good.
Make sure your criticism is always P.O.S.I.T.I.V.E.
P = Private. Never criticise in public.
O = Open with a compliment.
S = Share from concern. Think about how you share.
I = Impersonal. Criticise the act, not the person.
T = Talk it through. Explain how you feel.
I = Invite co-operation. “Can we work this through together?” Demanding only produces resentment.
V = Vision. Find ways to improve the situation in the future.
E = End as friends.
Question – Is your criticism always positive?
Affirm – I will always give positive criticism.
AUGUST 27
Assert Yourself (2)
Coping with Sarcasm
“I’ve had a wonderful evening but this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx (1895–1977)
Groucho made this comment as he was leaving a party. This type of “put down” is humorous but also hurtful. Imagine how you would feel if you were the hostess. We’ll use the word S.A.R.C.A.S.M. as an outline of how to cope.
S = Source. Who said it? Is the person to be taken seriously or was it said as a joke? Are they really concerned about your well-being? They may be right, but do they have the right to say it?
A = Ask yourself. Are they insecure and constantly need to put others down? Are they going through a bad time? Are they resentful?
R = Reject negative criticism. When Buddha was verbally abused by a man, he replied: “My son, if someone declined to accept a present, to whom would it belong?”
The man answered: “To the one who offered it.”
“And so,” said Buddha, “I decline to accept your criticism.”
C = Come backs. Beware of using insults as come backs. It could result in violence, especially in a bar.
A woman criticised Winston Churchill, saying: “You’re drunk, sir!”
Churchill replied: “Madam, you are ugly, but tomorrow, I’ll be sober.”
A = A slip of the tongue. It’s a rule of life that 10% of the time you won’t be able to avoid hurtful comments. Even good friends say something they wish they hadn’t.
S = Signals. Pretend to be bored. Fake a yawn or look away. Flick an imaginary spot off your shoulder.
M = Make light of it. If possible agree and make a joke of it.
Question – How do you cope with criticism?
Affirm – I’ll have a tough skin and a tender heart.
AUGUST 26
A = Assert Yourself (1)
“Cowardice asks the question, ‘Is it safe?’ Expediency asks the question, ‘Is it politic?’ vanity asks the question, ‘Is it popular?’ But conscience asks the question, ‘Is it right?’.” – Martin Luther (1483–1546)
There are six principles within assertiveness. To help you remember them we will use the word A.S.S.E.R.T. as an outline.
A = Accept yourself. The basic principle of mutual respect.
S = Specify your principles. Before you can be assertive you need to have a clear outline of the principles upon which you will not compromise. You will then know at a glance if it’s a matter of principle or taste.
S = Stick to the point. When you confront an issue don’t get sidetracked. Keep repeating yourself ‘til they hear you.
E = Express how you feel… “I find that hurtful or offensive.” “That makes me feel angry …taken for granted, etc.”
R = Refuse, don’t reject. Say no without feeling guilty. Refuse to accept their behaviour, not them as an individual.
T = Talk calmly. Don’t loose your cool and rant and rave at them. Just make your point in a clear and composed way.
Question – Do you find it easy to be assertive?
Affirm – I expect mutual respect.
AUGUST 25
Open Lines of Communication (5)
“When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.” – St Paul: 1 Corinthians 13
Recognising childish words and ways
Childish words. The dependent phase is summed up in the word “You”. The independent phase in words like “I”, “me”, and “my”. The interdependent phase in “we” and “us”. Thomas Harris popularised T.A. in his books I’m O.K. You’re O.K. Harris sums up the child’s attitude as I’m Not O.K. You’re O.K. In other words, self-pity. The child expresses itself in phrases like “It’s all right for you…”
Childish behaviour. If a two-year-old finds, that by having a temper tantrum, his parents let him have his own way, then this may well become a permanent behavioural pattern. I have known men in their later years who, when they weren’t getting their own way at a business meeting, would throw a temper tantrum until they did.
That is childish behaviour.
Question – Does your child take over at times?
Affirm – I’ll act like a mature person.
AUGUST 24
Open Lines of Communication (4)
“It is from the heart’s overflow that the mouth speaks.” – Jesus in Matthew 12:34
According to T.A., problems emerge in relationships when there are crossed lines of communication. When someone speaks to another adult as though they were a child – this can cause resentment which in turn can kill communication.
Two difficult periods of transition
Teenage. During the teenage years there is a need to change from a parent-to-child to an adult-to-adult relationship. This transition takes careful handling and open communication, to avoid misunderstanding and resentment.
Old age. When parents get old and feeble another change takes place. The parent becomes dependent on the child, so the roles are reversed – the child becomes the parent and the parent becomes the child. This can be as trying as having children going through their teens.
During these transitions the principles of mutual recognition, respect, and responsibility are crucial.
Question – Do you have any crossed lines?
Affirm – I will listen for my parent and child.
AUGUST 23
Open Lines of Communication (3)
“There are no unhappy marriages, only marriage partners who are immature.” – Dr David Mace, author of How to Have a Happy Marriage
Psychotherapist Eric Berne developed a way of evaluating how people talk to each other; he called it Transactional Analysis, or T.A. for short.
According to T.A. we can communicate in three ways.
. As a parent – the words and attitudes of our parents
. As a child – expressing hurt emotions from childhood
. As an adult – the objective, assertive decision maker.
How does this work in life?
Imagine a husband is going out to work. He calls to his wife “Have you seen my car keys?” She can answer in three ways:
1). As a parent: “If you hung them where they belonged, you would know where to find them.”
2). As a child: “Why do you always blame me when you lose things?”
3). As an adult: “They were on the dining room table last night.”
The key to open communication is speaking adult to adult.
This is the outworking of the principle of mutual respect.
Question – Have you put away your childish ways?
Affirm – I will talk adult to adult.
AUGUST 22
Open Lines of Communication (2)
“The measure of mental health is the disposition to find good everywhere.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
There is an old saying:
You catch more wasps with honey than with vinegar.
You get better service with compliments than with criticism. When you compliment someone – S.M.I.L.E.
S = Speak clearly. Don’t mumble as though you are ashamed to be paying them a compliment.
M = Mean it. Be sincere in your praise.
I = Individualise it. Mention them by name, and their attitude or action that has impressed you.
L = Look at them. Smile at them. Make them feel special.
E = Explore. Try to find ways to praise other people.
An elderly woman was known to never criticise anyone. One day she was asked, “What do you think of evil in the world?”
She replied: “If we were half as persistent in doing good, as those who do evil, we would be much better people.”
Constantly explore how to compliment or thank people.
Question – How many people did you thank or compliment today?
Affirm – I’ll have an attitude of gratitude.
AUGUST 21
O = Open Lines of Communication
“Everyone likes a compliment.” – Abraham Lincoln (1809–65)
Learn to compliment and thank people. So many people only hear criticism.
Eric was having a meal with some friends in a restaurant. At the end of the meal, they asked to speak to the manageress. She came over to the table and very politely asked what the problem was.
“No problem,” they replied, “we just wanted to compliment you on the quality of the food and the service Joanne our waitress has given us.”
The manageress’s reply amazed Eric. She said: “In all the years that I have worked here, you are the first to ask to see me, to give me a compliment and not a complaint.”
Learn to show appreciation.
Question – When did you last compliment someone?
Affirm – I will express my gratitude today.
AUGUST 20
Remembering Appointments and Dates
“Weak ink [is] better than strong memory.” – Confucius (551–467 BCE)
Personally, I do not think it is worth cluttering up your mind with remembering appointments and dates. Write them down.
Two words of advice
[1] Keep two diaries. A desk diary by your phone and a pocket diary. Each day transfer any new information from the one into the other. This way you will not double book things, also if you misplace your pocket diary, you have a back-up.
[2] Get a birthdays and anniversaries wall calendar. This way you can keep a permanent record hanging up, that will remind you of impending events. Remember to check it each week.
You can also get computer programs, so that when you switch your computer on, the screen displays forthcoming birthdays or events before you get into the main menu.
Question – Is your diary organised?
Affirm – I will remember important dates.
AUGUST 19
Remembering Names (4)
“The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” – Prof. William James (1842–1910)
One of the main ways in which a person feels important and appreciated is when someone remembers their name.
By now you are saying to yourself “He’s only using easy names. What if it’s a Polish or Russian name?”
Let’s look at film directors Roman Polanski and Stanley Kubrick.
The Romans carried a standard into battle. So, see Roman Polanski on skis carrying a Roman standard – hence, “Roman pole on skis.”
For Stanley Kubrick see him looking like a cube shaped brick.
The more way out the image is, the easier it is to recall it. If you can’t find an image, use your imagination to find a word that rhymes with the name. So that you have got a hook to recall their name.
Question – Are you still struggling with names?
Affirm – I will develop my own system.
AUGUST 18
Remembering Names (3)
“The good shepherd …calls his own sheep by name.” – Jesus
The use of association to remember people’s names is the most crucial and also the most difficult stage. Let’s explore it more.
1). Names linked to trades, like Carpenter, Mason, Butcher, Baker, Smith, or Miller. Imagine the person functioning in that job.
2). Names linked to places, Muddy Waters, Joan Rivers, or Roger Moore. See them in these environments. Also, names linked to towns or cities like Michael York, Abraham Lincoln, John Denver, or Jack London. Imagine them sightseeing around these places.
3). Names linked to things. Harrison Ford – see him in a Ford Car. If someone’s name is Wellington, then see them in boots, or if it’s Macintosh, see them in a raincoat.
Question – Which name do you need a picture for?
Affirm – I will use my ingenuity.
AUGUST 17
Remembering Names (2)
“It is the disease of not listening, the malady of not marking, that I am troubled withal.” – William Shakespeare in Henry IV Part 2
The reason most people do not remember another person’s name is, in Shakespeare’s words “not listening… not marking.”
The S-A-S of remembering names.
Sound – When you are introduced to someone, listen carefully and take a mental note of their name. Then use it as often as you can in the course of the conversation. Get to know the sound.
If you’re not sure say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name!”
Association – Find some way to recall their surname. You need to create an image in your mind. For example, if someone’s surname is Dix, that is 10 in French. So, in remembering the surname, you could see the person dressed as a Frenchman/woman with a big 10 on their shirt or blouse. Or you may link it to Dixieland and see the person playing in a traditional jazz band in New Orleans.
Sight – Stage three is to get a good look at them, so that you have a mental image of their face, so you can link it to the name.
Question – Can you recall names?
Affirm – I will remember the names of people.
AUGUST 16
Remembering Names (1)
“I remember your name perfectly, but I just can’t think of your face.” – Attributed to Rev. W.A. Spooner
A woman was walking down London’s Regent Street when she saw two men coming towards her. She knew she recognised one of them but was not able to put a name to the face. The two men were about the same age as her son, so she assumed they were her son’s friends. To avoid any embarrassment, as they got close, she smiled broadly and said: “Sorry! Can’t stop! Lots of shopping to do!” and hurried on.
As soon as she had said it she realised who it was. It was the then Prince of Wales (now King Charles) with his personal bodyguard.
Question – Does your memory let you down?
Affirm – I can train my memory to recall important information.
AUGUST 15
Remembering Important Information
“Memory is what tells a man his wife’s birthday was yesterday.” – Mario Rocco
The Duke of Wellington claimed that when Napoleon was on the battlefield it was like fighting an extra 40,000 men. Why? Because Napoleon could motivate his army.
He motivated them because he knew:
. All of his officers by name
. What town they came from
. If they were married and the wife’s name
. What battles they had been in.
On the night before a battle, Napoleon would stroll through the camp and talk to the officers, ask after their family and home town. He would then discuss the other battles they had been in. This made each officer feel as though he was a personal friend of Napoleon. No wonder they were all motivated.
Question – Do you remember important information?
Affirm – I will develop my memory more.
AUGUST 14
Perfecting Your Relationships
“Do unto others what you would like them to do to you.” – Jesus in Sermon on the Mount
Having looked at…
. The purpose of relationships
. The progress of relationships
. The principles of relationships
…we finally come to the perfecting of relationships. I want to introduce you to
The Road to Perfection in Relationships.
To make it simple, and easy to remember, the R.O.A.D. stands for:
R = Remember important information
O = Open channels of communication
A = Assert yourself
D = Develop sensitivity
Question – Where do your relationships need improving?
Affirm – I will learn to perfect my people skills.
AUGUST 13
The Principles of Relationships (5)
“Only people who avoid love can avoid grief. The point is to learn from it and remain vulnerable to love.” – John Brantner
Mutual Responsibility
The final principle upon which relationships are built is this:
Both people must accept a mutual responsibility to build towards each other.
The leadership of the Church of Rome is called the Pontifex, with the Pope being the Pontifex Maximus. The word ponti = bridge. The pontifex means literally bridge builders. When we build relationships, we are bridge building with other people.
To build a bridge, you have to start from both sides of the river and meet in the middle. Unless people both sides of the river accept their mutual responsibility to build towards each other, the bridge will collapse.
Question – Do you find it difficult to build bridges?
Affirm – I will build towards anyone who responds to me.
AUGUST 12
The Principles of Relationships (4)
“…the teaching of the law by the priest will not be lost, nor will counsel from the sage, nor the word from the prophets.” – Jeremiah 18:18
Mutual Respect
Mutual respect is a natural outflow of mutual recognition. As differences of personality, ability, and thinking are recognised, the next step is to respect those differences.
Jeremiah 18:18 refers to three leaders in Israel. The priest, the sage, and the prophet. In his book By What Authority the late William Barclay made these comments:
“The prophets would think of the sages as lacking in zeal for God, for the sage is altogether a quieter and less flaming personality than the prophet. The priest would resent the coldness of the sage to the cult (ceremonial and ritual). The sage with what he regarded as his superior wisdom would find the prophet arbitrary and hard, and the priest narrow-minded…”
Mutual respect shows itself in giving others freedom to think and act in a way that is different to you.
Question – Can you respect other’s strengths?
Affirm – Not everyone is like me.
AUGUST 11
Principles of Relationships (2)
“Embarrassment means literally to ‘stop’ or to ‘bar’. When it occurs, a social encounter grinds to an unpleasant halt.” – Judy Gahagan in Interpersonal and Group Behaviour
Mutual Recognition
I once heard a story. A married couple joined a strict and very authoritarian church. The husband was a chef and the wife was an accountant. Therefore, he did all the cooking and she looked after the finances.
The Elders of the church asked to see them and told them: “It’s the woman’s place to do the cooking, and the husband should deal with the finances.” So, they did as instructed. Within a month they had nearly starved and the finances were in a terrible mess. One evening the couple discussed the situation and decided to go back to the way things used to be.
The couple’s relationship was based upon mutual recognition. They were functioning from their strengths and not their roles.
They were using their strengths for their mutual benefit.
Question – Do you know your strengths?
Affirm – I will function from my strengths.
AUGUST 10
Principles of Relationships (1)
“Society is a necessary condition of life in this world and a necessary medium of personal self-realisation…” – Will Herberg
Wedding ceremonies in various parts of the world differ from our own. In Austria, for example, during the marriage ceremony the bride and groom are sometimes given a two-handed bow saw and told to go and cut down a small tree. This is to symbolise the need for give and take in the relationship.
Three principles are foundational to good relationships.
a). Mutual recognition. This means acknowledging each other’s strengths and abilities.
b). Mutal respect. This involves giving each other the freedom to behave differently.
c). Mutual responsibility. This means both people have to build towards each other if the relationship is going to work.
As these three principles are applied then there will be strong and deep interdependent relationships.
Question – Do you find it difficult to build relationships?
Affirm – I can build relationships.
AUGUST 9
The Progress of Relationships (3)
Interdependence
“Genuine freedom in personal and social relationships comes from a deep sense of security – knowing who we are, where we belong, and what is expected of us.” – Sidney J Harris in The Authentic Person
Harris lists the four factors that make for interdependence.
[1] Having a deep sense of security. Many employers fail to build this into their work force. The threat is “Your job is only secure as long as you perform to my expectations.” The same can be true in relationships. The implied and sometimes spoken threat is “You do what I want or I’m off.” A deep sense of security comes from knowing 2, 3, and 4.
[2] Knowing who we are. Knowing our strengths and abilities.
[3] Knowing where we belong. Where we fit into the scheme of things.
[4] What is expected of us. The expectations of our partner or employer. One of the benefits of playing team games, like football or hockey, is that it teaches the principles of interdependence.
Interdependence is learning to be a team player.
Question – Do you have a deep sense of security?
Affirm – I know who I am, where I belong, and what is expected of me.
AUGUST 8
The Progress of Relationships (2)
Independence
“The beginning is the most important part of the work.” – Plato (428–348 BCE)
The first decade of life is the dependent stage. Some parents, out of sincere motives, try to do everything for their children. This results in the child staying in the dependent phase. They grow up thinking that they are the centre of the universe.
Parents need to prepare their children for stage 2 which is independence.
As children are about to come into puberty, parents should share with them, that during the next few years they would be changing from being children to being adults. This means physical changes, but also during this time they would be more responsible for their lives. They would become more independent.
This is a vital period in our development. If we are not secure in our independence we will struggle with the next stage which is interdependence.
Question – Do you feel the world owes you a living?
Affirm – I will work towards interdependence.
AUGUST 7
The Progress of Relationships (1)
Dependence
“The most important a thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” – Theodore Hesburgh
You’re born into this world, totally dependent upon your parents. It is up to them to provide a roof over your head, food, and drink in your stomach, positive thoughts in your mind, and love in your heart.
If a child grows up in a warm loving home, where Dad shows his love for both their mother and them, then that child has a great start in life.
During the dependence period the child needs to be taught six things. I will use P.A.R.E.N.T. as an acronym.
P = People skills. Being taught how to respect and relate to others.
A = Affirming. Praise them more than criticise them. Express disappointment with their behaviour and not with them.
R = Right from wrong. Moral guidance in everyday things, like not taking another child’s toy without asking.
E = Enjoyment. Have fun with them. Turn chores into games.
N = New boundaries. As they develop, the boundaries must grow with them.
T = Taboo’s. Be prepared to talk about taboo subjects like sex, illicit drugs, and alcohol etc.
These formative years mould us into the person we will become.
Question – Do you remember your childhood with warmth or dread?
Affirm – My parents did the best they knew how.
AUGUST 6
The Purpose of Relationships (4)
Success
“Two can accomplish more than twice as much as one, for the results can be much better.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9
Again, we come back to the question “What is success?”
Answer: Success is finding love and fulfilment in your life. Love comes out of relationships and fulfilment is, in the words of the Marquis de Vauvenargues:
“To live up to one’s opportunities and make the most of one’s resources.”
Vilfredo Pareto explained the outworking of this principle.
Pareto claims that 20% of what we do produces 80% of the results. This is also means that 80% of what we do only produces 20% of the results.
If I can find and function in my successful 20% all of the time then I can produce so much more. To do this I need someone who can cover the other things I didn’t do so effectively.
Question – What is your definition of success?
Affirm – I will seek love and fulfilment in my life.
AUGUST 5
The Purpose of Relationships (3)
Synergy
“How could one man chase a thousand, or two put ten thousand to flight.” – Deuteronomy 32:30
The word synergy comes from two Greek words syn = together and ergos = to work. Literally, to work together. It is usually used to describe, when the effect of two things working together is greater than if they were working separately.
In the quote from Deuteronomy, one man can chase a thousand. Two can chase, not two, but ten thousand. That is synergy at work.
This principle has been adopted by management strategists, to increase the effectiveness of groups working together as teams.
In a relationship, or a team, if each person is functioning from their strengths they can be more effective than if they were working as individuals.
Question – How can you work more effectively?
Affirm – I will learn to synergise.
AUGUST 4
The Purpose of Relationships (2)
Support
“It takes two to speak the truth – one to speak, and another to hear.” – Henry David Thoreau (1817–1862)
Relationships need not be limited to family life. In the Book of 1 Samuel, we read of David and Jonathan who had a deep and lasting relationship in which they supported each other.
. They were loyal to each other
. They were honest with each other
. They advised each other
. They warned each other of personal danger
. They encouraged each other
. They made a covenant with each other.
It is possible to have this depth of relationship, between two men or two women, without there being any implications of sexual attractiveness.
The six principles listed above should also be displayed in a good marriage.
Question – Do you have that depth of relationship with someone?
Affirm – I will build a supportive relationship.
AUGUST 3
Purpose of Relationships (1)
Survival
“If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up… Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.” – Ecclesiastes 4:10–12
The Bible gives four basic reasons for relationships. The most basic one is survival.
a). In a battle two men fight more effectively than one. So relationships help the individual to survive.
b). Marriage was designed to give a secure environment into which children could be born and raised. Hence relationships help the survival of the species.
c). Society is built upon the strength of family relationships.
History shows that the collapse of all the great civilisations, like the Greeks and the Romans, was mainly due to the break up of family life. Relationships help society to survive.
Question – How strong are your relationships?
Affirm – I will build strong relationships.
AUGUST 2
The Importance of Relationships (2)
“There is no better way to dismantle a personality than to isolate it.” – Diane Princess of Wales (BBC Panorama programme 1995)
The word sulk can be used either as a verb or a noun. The verb means to not communicate because you’re in a bad mood. The noun is a light two wheeled horse drawn carriage which will carry only one person. Either way the person is isolated from others.
We need the company of others for four reasons.
a). Survival. Physically and mentally
b). Support. To help us function socially
c). Synergy. So that we will be more effective
d). Success. No one’s good at everything, we all need help.
Question – Have you got good friends?
Affirm – I will appreciate my friends.
AUGUST 1
The Importance of Relationships (1)
“It is not good that man should be alone…” – Genesis 2:18
Relationships enrich our lives with love and laughter, but also problems and pains. The most enriching thing for most people will be the love of their family and children.
Sure, there would have been painful times. The mother goes through the pain of childbirth, but when the child is born, the pain is forgotten because of the joy of having a baby.
When the children go through their teenage years you wonder what you have got yourself into. When they are adults and you can relate to them as friends, all that is just a distant memory.
You need to focus on the pleasures not the pains of a loving relationship. In one of their songs, Simon and Garfunkel sing the words “I am a rock, I am an island…” The whole track focuses on avoiding relationships for fear of getting hurt. That is a lonely place to be because, as John Donne wrote:
“No man is an island, entire of itself.”
Question – Are you afraid of getting hurt?
Affirm – God loved us, in spite of what it cost Him.
Theme For the Month of August – Successful Relationships
Quotation for the Month
“The most important single ingredient to the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people.” – Theodore Roosevelt (1858–1919)
Map of the Month
1). The purpose of relationships – a. Survival b. Support c. Synergy d. Success
2). The progress of relationships – a. Dependence b. Independence c. Interdependence d. Dependence
3). The principles of relationships – a. Mutual recognition b. Mutual respect c. Mutual responsibility
4). The perfecting of relationships – a. Remember important information b. Open lines of communication c. Assert yourself d. Developing sensitivity.
A Meditation for the Month
“To laugh often and love much, to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest critics and to endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give one’s self; to leave the world a bit better …and to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803–1882)
A Promise
“For the Holy Spirit, God’s gift, does not want you to be afraid of people, but to be wise and strong, and to love them and enjoy being with them.” – St Paul, 2 Timothy 1:7
A Prayer
“May there be such a oneness between you that when the one weeps the other will taste salt.” – A Jewish Blessing
JULY 31
The Power of Words
“Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.” – Rudyard Kipling (1865–1936)
Communication is the most powerful ability we have. We can use our communication skills in three ways:
[1] To build strong relationships
[2] To further our chosen career
[3] To increase our health.
In the Hebrew Scriptures, there is a proverb of King Solomon: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”
Many of the world’s religions emphasise the power of positive speech. Modern research has shown that as you speak positively you will feel better emotionally and physically. Your subconscious mind hears every word you say and acts upon it. If you are constantly talking negatively then you will begin to feel negative, but if you speak positively you will begin to think positively and feel positively great.
Question – Do you always speak positively?
Affirm – I will always be positive.
JULY 30
Speak Concisely
“A short speech requires great preparation; a long speech can be given anytime on short notice.” – Abraham Lincoln
By concise, I remember my tutor in public speaking saying, “If you can’t sum up your speech or sermon in one sentence, then you have not thought it through sufficiently.”
The three principles of public speaking are Stand up – Speak up – Shut up. Another gem of wisdom from George Orwell, in Politics and the English Language is…
“If it is possible to cut out a word, always cut it out.”
I go to meetings where people will talk for ages, and when they finally stop, I think “They could have said that in a couple of sentences, and not taken 20 minutes.”
How often have you heard people using expressions like “At this present moment in time” when they could say “Now”, or “I myself personally…” when “I” would have done.
Some years ago, I went into a second-hand bookshop called Ralph the Books. I was looking at a book, and Ralph the proprietor said to me “There’s a lot of paper in that book.”
What he meant was, it took the writer a long time to make his point. Be concise in your speaking. Don’t waffle.
Question – Do you communicate concisely?
Affirm – I will practise at being to the point.
JULY 29
How To Speak Clearly (2)
Make It Understandable
“Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.” – Albert Einstein
In his book Politics and the English Language, George Orwell gave these words of advice:
“Never use a long word if a short one will do. Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.”
Do not try and impress your listeners by making it sound complicated or by using obscure words. Keep it simple.
To communicate clearly involves a two-fold understanding.
. The speaker must understand what they want to say
. The hearer must understand what has been said.
The essence of communicating clearly is to speak in a way that the hearer can understand. It is no good a Russian speaking to me in his native language. I would not understand a word of what he was saying. So don’t use obscure words to try and impress others, it only hinders clear lines of communication.
Question – Do you use big words to impress people?
Affirm – I will communicate clearly.
JULY 28
How To Speak Clearly (1)
How You Speak
“When you talk, your words, feelings and body must be in harmony. To achieve this harmony, know how you really feel. Express these feelings through your words, tone of voice and body language.” – Virginia Satir, Family Therapist
There are two aspects of Speaking Clearly:
. How you speak
. What you speak
There are three Elements of How to Speak Correctly.
Element 1 – Clarity. If you mumble, speak quickly or quietly, or with a very strong accent, then others will find it difficult to follow what you are saying.
a). Ask friends, family, or a colleague to comment every time you speak indistinctly.
b). Avoid using abbreviations or slang words.
Element 2 – Variety. Some people’s voices are so monotonous they are hard to listen to. Learn to alter the tone and pitch of your voice.
Practise reading aloud and emphasise what you are reading.
Element 3 – Flowing. I know someone who is a Ph.D but when they speak every other word is either “urr” or “umm”. So even though the person knows their subject, they do not communicate it well because it doesn’t flow naturally.
Question – Which element do you need to work on?
Affirm – I will be proficient in all three.
JULY 27
S = Sensitivity
“Communication is more than a skill. It requires that kind of love which enables us to see right into the soul.” – James H Jauncey
This kind of sensitivity comes from knowing:
. What is important to the other person
. Areas where they have been hurt
. Understanding what motivates them
. Knowing their hopes and dreams.
To realise these fruits, you must spend time listening to them. To do so, you must FOCUS:
F = Focus on them which means taking an interest in them
O = Open body language invites them to share with you
C = Constant feedback will inspire them to share more
U = Understanding is having insights into what is important to them, their hurts, their motivation, and their hopes and dreams. This results in…
S = Sensitivity. When you have got to this level in your communication then you are communicating with compassion.
Question – Had you realised that the secret to being a good communicator was being a good listener?
Affirm – I will communicate with compassion.
JULY 26
U = Understanding
“O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood, as to understand; to be loved, as to love; for it is in giving that we receive…” – St Francis of Assisi (1181–1226)
Most conflicts could be avoided if people would only seek to understand the other person.
What it needs is one person to say to the other: “You share with me until you feel I fully understand you. Then you let me share until I feel you understand me. Then we’ll try to work out a solution we can both live with.”
The problem is we come from a position of fear. We put up barriers. We want to have our say. We want to put our point of view across. We don’t listen to what they are saying, and they don’t listen to what we are saying. This results in tension.
Hold an elastic band with both hands. Pull your hands apart and it will produce tension in your hands, arms, and in the elastic band. If you push your hands towards each other, there is no tension and your hands will have much greater freedom to manoeuvre.
Question – Do you seek to first understand?
Affirm – I will understand, then be understood.
JULY 25
C = Constant Feedback
“The reason why we have two ears and only one mouth is that we may listen the more and talk the less.” – Zeno of Citium, Greek Philosopher (334–262 BCE)
You need to learn how to actively listen to the other person.
If we use LISTEN, as an outline, the six principles are:
L = Look and listen. It has already been commented upon on the need to pay attention, and by showing it through your body language.
I = Identify icebergs. An iceberg is 90% under water. Make a mental note of anything that is just the tip of something much larger. For example, an experience, a hope, a fear, a hurt, etc.
S = Stimulate. If they begin to wander off the point, bring them back by saying “You were commenting about… It sounds to me as though there was a lot more you could share about it.”
T = Take stock. You can do this by interjecting a comment like “From what you have been saying, am I to understand…?”
E = Encourage. Use expressions like “I never knew any of this …this is really interesting, fascinating, exciting …tell me more.”
N = New subjects. When the conversation begins to run out of steam, go back to the icebergs and ask an open-ended question. For example, “You mentioned earlier about…”
Question – Are you a good listener or do you get bored?
Affirm – I will learn to be an active listener.
JULY 24
O = Open Body Language
“This skill involves squaring your body toward the person who you are listening to, using eye contact, and being within handshake distance.” – Paul Weller in Connecting With a Friend
Your body speaks before you do. To have open body language means having a friendly and concerned posture.
[1] Lean towards the person speaking. This gives the message “I’m hanging on your every word…” Don’t be a space invader. If you get too close, people feel that their personal space is being invaded. As a guideline, 2 feet (60cm) is a comfortable distance.
[2] Eye contact. Work on the five second principle. Maintain eye contact for five seconds then briefly look at the rest of their face before returning to eye contact. This will prevent the other person feeling that you’re staring at them.
[3] Uncross your arms and legs. Crossed arms and legs give off an “I’m defensive” signal and will discourage the speaker.
[4] Nod regularly. This gives the message “I’m hearing you and wanting you to share more.”
Question – Were you aware of your body language?
Affirm – I will develop a more open body language.
JULY 23
F = Focus on the Speaker
“A person is a bore who talks when you want him to listen.” – Ambrose Bierce (1842–1914)
During a conversation, many people are busy thinking about what they are going to say when the other person finishes talking. This means it becomes a dialogue of the deaf. Nobody is listening to the other person. There is no real communication.
True communication is not just getting an idea out of my head and into the air; it is also getting it into your mind.
Focusing on the speaker makes them feel valued. Then they are more likely to trust you with personal information. It is easier to make friendships by taking an interest in someone else, than it is trying to get them to be interested in you.
Question – Are you a good listener?
Affirm – I will make others feel valued.
JULY 22
How To Speak Compassionately (2)
“Ask questions from your heart and you will be answered from the heart.” – Omaha Indian Proverb
In 1530, Copernicus told the world that the Sun was the centre of the universe and not the Earth. Speaking compassionately means putting the other person at the centre of the conversation and not yourself. It comes from having a different point of focus.
The word FOCUS highlights five characteristics of speaking with compassion.
F = Focus on the speaker
O = Open body language
C = Constant feedback
U = Understand them first
S = Sensitivity
Question – How do you know when someone is listening to you?
Affirm – I will make others feel valued.
JULY 21
How To Speak Compassionately (1)
“When the satisfaction, security and development of another person becomes as significant to you as your own satisfaction, security and development, love exists.” – Harry Stack Sullivan in Conceptions of Modern Psychiatry
Having learned how to communicate confidently, you now need to learn how to communicate compassionately.
Love unlocks communication
Speaking compassionately is something that comes from within. It shows itself in three ways.
. When your primary concern is for the person you are talking to, and not yourself.
. When it’s not what you say, so much as the way you say it. You can speak the truth in bitterness and dogmatism, but to speak the truth in love is more difficult.
. When you are not afraid of showing your emotions.
Someone asked Charles Haddon Spurgeon, the great 19th century preacher, “How can I communicate like you do?” Spurgeon replied:
“Set yourself on fire and people will come to watch you burn.”
Question – Do you really care about other people?
Affirm – I will not be afraid of my emotions.
JULY 20
How To Speak Confidently (8)
Self-Image
“The beginning of all true amendment is to see ourselves as we are.” – Richard C. Trench (1807–86)
Your self-image is an important factor in your struggle for success. If you have a poor self-image, you will never achieve your full potential. You will never achieve more than you can believe. Remember the motto of W. Clement Stone:
“What a man can conceive and believe, he can achieve.”
If you don’t believe you can achieve something then you are beaten already.
The governor on a truck’s accelerator pedal limits what speed the truck can achieve. In the same way, your self-image will limit what you can achieve.
The great thing is: You can change your self-image.
It’s up to you.
Question – What do you think you can achieve?
Affirm – I can be anything I want to be.
JULY 19
How To Speak Confidently (7)
Accept Yourself
“Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.” – Will Rogers (1879–1935)
Many people don’t speak up because they are afraid they may make themselves look ignorant or foolish. You need to put it into perspective.
The amount of information in the world has at least trebled within my lifetime. Dean Rusk put it like this:
“The pace of events is so fast that unless we can find some way to keep our sights on tomorrow, we cannot expect to be in touch with today.”
This means that nobody can know everything. So don’t be made to feel inferior by people who claim to know it all, they are just showing their ignorance.
Remember: 99% of the time you will have positive and powerful input into people’s lives through what you share. Are you going to let the 1% rob you, and those you share with, the other 99%.
Question – Do you keep quiet, because you feel ignorant?
Affirm – My opinions are worth hearing.
JULY 18
How To Speak Confidently (6)
Back To Basics
“To be properly expressed a thing must proceed from within…” – Meister Eckhart, German Mystic (1260–1327)
Your subconscious mind is like a computer. It accepts as truth everything it is told. So, what you say is fed back into your subconscious mind and is regurgitated and becomes part of your cycle of thinking.
You have control over what you say and what you think. If you begin speaking confidently, you will begin to feel confident.
Change from negative to positive
If someone asks, “How are you?” be positive. Replace “Bearing up under the pressures and strains” or “Not bad for my age” with a positive such as “I’m feeling great, how are you?”.
Watch out for other negative comments and replace them. Change “a problem” into “a learning experience”. Replace “impossible” with “a challenge”.
Change from passive to active
If someone asks you to do something for them reply “I’d be glad to,” instead of “I suppose so if no one else will do it”. For “I’ll try to…” say “I will have it done by…” For “If…” say “When…”
You will soon find that what you say is how you will feel. Positive speech stimulates the thyroid which releases extra energy into your body. You’ll feel as good as you sound.
Question – What is your normal response to “How are you?”
Affirm – I’ll be more positive and active in my speech.
JULY 17
How To Speak Confidently (5)
Change Your Self-Talk
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me…” – St Paul to the Philippians
Begin to speak the truth to yourself. Affirm the six beliefs mentioned earlier.
[1] I am responsible for my life – I will stop making excuses for my failures. I will stop blaming my parents or my circumstances. I will seek to develop my character to the full.
[2] I am unique – I am an original. I will not become a copy. I will not compare myself or let anyone else compare me to others. I will not let others intimidate me. My opinions are of value.
[3] Who I am is more important than what I own – I will seek personal worth not personal wealth.
[4] I am worthy of a full and happy life – I will look for the possibilities in my problems. I will celebrate my life.
[5] People matter more than things – I will seek to build deep and lasting relationships.
[6] I know I have strengths and weaknesses – I will not let my feelings hold me back from building good relationships.
Question – Do you find it difficult to claim these truths?
Affirm – I will exercise my rights and be an individual.
JULY 16
How To Speak Confidently (4)
Self-Talk
“Whether you think you can or you can’t – you are right.” – Henry Ford (1863–1947)
You may communicate with people for several hours each day, but you are constantly talking to yourself.
If you have got the right self-beliefs, then the right self-talk will follow.
What you say to yourself is the most important factor in your life. Your words, like God’s in Genesis Chapter 1, have the power to create.
What you confess is what you’ll possess
Cassius Clay was constantly saying to himself and to others “I’m the greatest…” and sure enough he became the greatest boxer of his generation.
Question – What are you saying to yourself?
Affirm – I will censor any negative talk.
JULY 15
How To Speak Confidently (3)
Self-Beliefs
“If you don’t think you’re worthy of happiness and success you won’t have the confidence to achieve it.” – Johnson and Swindley in Creating Confidence
The following self-beliefs make for a happy, successful life.
[1] I am responsible for my life. The way I respond makes me responsible. Therefore, I will not blame my parents, my circumstances, or my personality. It’s up to me.
[2] I am unique. Therefore, I will not wear a mask to be accepted. I will not be afraid to think for myself. I will be the best “me” that I can achieve.
[3] Who I am is more important than what I own. Because of this, I do not depend upon status symbols. I am not intimidated by other people’s possessions.
[4] I am worthy of a full and happy life.
[5] People matter more than things. We should never love things more than people.
[6] I know I have strengths and weaknesses. I will focus on my strengths and not let my weaknesses hold me back from being a success.
Question – Do you believe and accept these six statements?
Affirm – I’ll be the best “me” that I can be.
JULY 14
How To Speak Confidently (2)
Take Control
“We are the masters of our fate, the captain of our souls, because we have the power to control our thoughts.” – Napoleon Hill (1883–1970)
The way you communicate is based upon your self-confidence. Your confidence is based upon what is going on inside your head.
Within your mind there is a little ladder with four steps. It is like going down into the basement to examine the foundations of a building. At the top of the basement stairs is…
Step 1. Your self-confidence reflects…
Step 2. Your self-image – which grows out of…
Step 3. Your self-talk – which is built upon…
Step 4. Your self-beliefs.
You need to challenge your self-beliefs. What do you believe about yourself? Are you constantly telling yourself “I’m a winner?” or “I’m useless.”
Question – Do you believe your worthy of happiness and success?
Affirm – I am worthy of living a happy and successful life.
JULY 13
How To Speak Confidently (1)
“To succeed in anything, we need a measure of confidence and, once we have it, even to a small degree, the wheels begin to turn and anything can happen.” – Dianne Doubtfire in Overcoming Shyness
So what is this thing called confidence?
Confidence has its roots in knowing and loving yourself. This causes you to feel good about yourself. This results in you becoming confident.
A confident person shows certain characteristics:
C = Coping. They can cope with new people and situations.
O = Outgoing. They are prepared to speak to other people.
N = Natural. Relaxed, not trying to impress people.
F = Friendly and approachable.
I = Initiate. They make the first move.
D = Dependable. They keep their promises.
E = Enthusiastic. They live life to the full.
N = Nurture themselves. They develop their abilities.
T = Thankful. They appreciate the things they have.
The first step towards confidence is what you are communicating to yourself, or your self-talk.
Question – What are you saying to yourself?
Affirm – I will take control of my self-talk.
JULY 12
Question (3)
How To Talk?
“Success depends on three things: who says it, what he says, how he says it; and, of these three things, what he says is the least important.” – John, Viscount Morley of Blackburn (1838–1923)
This quotation introduces three factors that are important in successful communication.
[1] Who says it
[2] What they say
[3] How they say it.
You may be surprised to find that the least important factor is what is said. I read, or heard, the following statistics on the impact of what we say:
‘7% Is the content; 38% Is the tone of voice; 55% Is non-verbal communication… of the overall impact, 93% is how you say it, whereas only 7% is what you say.’
Two people can speak exactly the same words, but get two totally different reactions. Success in communication is dependent upon these four principles.
Speaking
. Confidently
. Compassionately
. Clearly
. Concisely.
Question – Did you realise the importance of how you speak?
Affirm – I will speak confidently, clearly, and concisely.
JULY 11
What To Say (6)
H = Honesty
“…no man can come to know himself except as an outcome of disclosing himself to another person… honest, direct, uncontrived…” – Sidney M Jourard in The Transparent Self
Eugene Kennedy wrote a book which posed the question “If you really knew me, would you still like me?”
Author John Powell told someone that he was writing a book on the question “Why am I Afraid to Tell You Who I am?”
They responded, “Do you want to know the answer to your question?” and then proceeded to say, “I am afraid to tell you who I am, because, if I tell you who I am, you may not like who I am, and it’s all that I have.”
Of all your friends, try to develop a relationship with one or two with whom you can share the innermost secrets of your heart. William Shakespeare in Hamlet explained it in these words:
“Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice.”
To have this depth of relationship is a liberating thing. You need not fear that someone is going to tell them something about you, that will cause them to reject you. You can be absolutely real and honest with them.
Question – Are you afraid to be absolutely honest?
Affirm – I will build at least one transparent relationship.
JULY 10
What To Say (5)
C = Confronting Problems
“He wreathed the rod of criticism with roses.” – Issac D’Israeli (1766–1848)
There is no such thing as a problem free life. It may be poor service at a restaurant, or someone with a bad attitude in a shop. In all of our lives there comes a time when we need to complain.
Three ways to respond
[1] Passively – You don’t complain or make a fuss when you are not happy with the service you receive. You always say yes when asked to do something, because you feel it would be rude to say no, or you’re afraid they might reject you.
[2] Aggressively – Where you make a big commotion. You shout and demand to see the manager. If you don’t get your own way you have a temper tantrum. No one ever asks you to do anything, for fear of having their head bitten off.
[3] Assertively – In between those two extremes there is the mature and adult way of dealing with the situation. You gently but firmly say, “This is not good enough, please correct it.”
What is your motivation that makes you react the way you do? Are you afraid of ridicule, rejection, or rebuke, and therefore do what is safe rather than what is right?
Question – Which way do you normally respond?
Affirm – I will be assertive.
JULY 9
What To Say (4)
E = Express Feelings
“When you disclose your hopes, dreams, loves, joys, and sorrows, people will be able to identify with you…” – Don Gabor in How to Start a Conversation & Make Friends
It is more difficult to share your feelings. You can share facts but that is only half the story. For instance, someone I know has several friends who are Doctors of Medicine.
That is a fact. The question is “How does that make that person feel?”
. Does it make that person feel proud to know them?
. Does it make that individual feel inferior?
. Does it make the person envious of their salaries?
When you get down to sharing your feelings, you are beginning to reveal what is really going on inside your head and heart.
Women tend to share their feelings far more easily than men. I have observed that men tend to say, “I think”, whereas women generally will say “I feel…”
Personality profiles have shown that 2 out of 3 men are thinkers and 2 out of 3 women are feelers. Perhaps that is why women tend to communicate better than men.
Question – Have you a friend with whom you can share your feelings?
Affirm – I will develop that level of relationship.
JULY 8
What To Say (3)
E = Expressing Opinions
“An obstinate man does not hold opinions, but they hold him.” – Alexander Pope (1688–1744)
Or, as Prof. Kenneth Galbraith put it: “When people are least sure, they are often most dogmatic.”
With a new relationship you need to keep the conversation at a fairly light level. If you want to build a deeper relationship with someone, then you need to open up deeper levels of communication and personal disclosure.
The next level is to share your opinions. If you’ve found a common interest, you then need to put forward your opinions on the subject. For instance, if you are both interested in art, share your opinions.
“I’m not much into Picasso. I prefer Turner or Constable.”
Follow your opinion with a question: “Which painters do you like?”
If they like something different to you, it does not mean the relationship is doomed. It gives whole areas for discussion and sharing.
As a general rule, until you have built a strong friendship, the areas of religion and politics are probably best avoided.
Question – Do you find it difficult to express an opinion?
Affirm – I’m entitled to hold my own opinion.
JULY 7
What To Say (2)
P = Personal Information
“Change and growth takes place when a person has risked himself and dares to become involved with experimenting with his own life.” – Herbert Otto
Having had the self-confidence to speak to the other person, we now move on to the next stage:
Self-disclosure. There are varying degrees of self-disclosure. Begin with your personal information. Tell them something about yourself and follow it with a question.
Some examples:
“Last night I went to the cinema to see the new movie… have you been to see it yet?”
“I’ve just had a letter from my son who lives in… Is your family local?”
“I went to a football game over the weekend… are you interested in sport?”
“I’m going to art classes… do you have any hobbies?”
As you share something of yourself you are trying to find some area of common interest to take the conversation further.
Question – What do you say when you’ve said hello?
Affirm – I will begin to develop my communication skills.
JULY 6
What To Say? (1)
S = Starting a Conversation
“When two Englishmen meet, their first talk is of the weather.” – Dr Samuel Johnson (1709–1984)
If you’re an extravert who finds it easy to start a conversation, then you might find this a bit like stating the obvious. I want to share the obvious, for the sake of any people who may find it difficult to break the ice with a stranger.
B.R.E.A.K. gives the five stages in starting a conversation.
B = Body language. Make eye contact and smile at them. Look for a response. If they smile back then:
R = Risk rejection. Take the initiative. Strangers are friends you have not met as yet. The Dutch have a proverb “Unknown makes unloved.”
E = Express approval. “Excuse me being personal but I can’t help but admire your dress…” For a man it may be his jacket, necktie, or his car.
A = Ask a non-threatening question. “I can never find the right thing when I go shopping… did you manage to buy it locally?”
K = Know what to say next
The key is to listen, and then ask a follow up question. Try to link it to some information about yourself.
Question – Do you find it difficult to break the ice?
Affirm – I will begin to apply these principles today.
JULY 5
Question (2)
What To Say? – Remember SPEECH
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more than important than fear.” – Ambrose Redmoon
You need courage to communicate. If you’re overly concerned about what other people think, then you will never open your mouth.
To communicate you need to know what you want to say, and not be worried by what the other person might think.
There are six levels of communication. To make them easy to recall, I will use the word SPEECH as an outline.
S = Starting a conversation
P = Personal information
E = Expressing opinions
E = Expressing feelings
C = Confronting problems
H = Honesty
You need to act upon this information if it is to change your life. As you gradually reveal more of yourself, you also increase the risk of being hurt by rejection, ridicule, or rebuke.
Question – Are you prepared to risk ridicule, rebuke, or rejection for the sake of a relationship?
Affirm – I will relate to people whatever the cost.
JULY 4
Why Communicate? – To Love
“The reason that husbands and wives do not understand each other is because they belong to different sexes.” – Dorothy Dix, U.S. Journalist and Writer (1861–1951)
When man was first created in the Garden of Eden, God said “It is not good for man to be alone…” It is through talking that we begin to understand each other and break out of our aloneness. If God had created Eve but Adam never spoke to her, he would still have been lonely.
Through the art of conversation, we build new friendships and relationships. We also deepen the relationships we already have by sharing our ideas, emotions, opinions, and goals.
Relationships give meaning and richness to life. One of the worst things you can do is avoid relationships for fear of being hurt. If you build barriers you stop anyone from hurting you, but you also stop anyone from loving you.
You will end up a lonely and empty person.
Question – How can you love someone if you never talk to them?
Affirm – I will learn to love.
JULY 3
Why Communicate? – To Learn
“Education is not filling a bucket but lighting a fire.” – William Butler Yeats, Irish poet
Through speech we teach children how to read and write. Once they have learned how to read, they are then able to learn for themselves from the writings of others.
Bishop Grundtvig, the pioneer of Danish education, worked from this premise: “Make examinations almost nothing and the personality of the teacher almost everything.”
The teacher who had the biggest impact on your life was most likely the one who inspired you rather than informed you. If a teacher can inspire a child to want to learn, then they are a good teacher irrespective of their academic qualifications.
Communication and education go hand in hand.
Question – Which teacher do you remember most?
Affirm – I’ll communicate to learn, and learn to communicate.
JULY 2
Question (1)
Why Communicate? – To Live
“People working together in a group can either enhance one another or get in one another’s way.” – Stewart & Chadwick in Changing Trains
There are three basic reasons why humans need to communicate: to Live, Learn, and Love.
To live. For early man to survive, he had to work as part of a team, therefore he needed to learn how to communicate clearly.
There is a display of rich history at the Indian museum in Wanuskewin, near Saskatoon, in Canada. Before the Spanish arrived and brought the horse, the native American Indians would work together as a tribe and stampede the buffalo over a precipice. The pile of carcasses at the bottom of the rock face would then be used to provide food and clothing for the whole tribe.
To survive in today’s competitive world, we need to work with others who have the skills that we lack. I once saw a training course on team building entitled “No one’s perfect, but a team can be.”
To work as part of a team you need to develop good communication skills.
Question – Do you find it difficult to be a team player?
Affirm – I will learn to communicate to survive.
JULY 1
The Importance of Communication
“It is impossible to overemphasise the immense need humans have to be really listened to, to be taken seriously, to be understood.” – Dr Paul Tournier, Medical Doctor, Swiss Psychiatrist, and Author
Communication isn’t just speaking; it is also listening. The other person needs to feel that they have been listened to, taken seriously, and understood. It is a very important part of life.
So, how can we be successful at communicating?
Aristotle provided us with some advice: “Those who wish to succeed must ask the right basic questions,” he said, and they apply in all areas of life. We will look at some of the right basic questions regarding communication.
. First, we will look at Why Communicate?
. We will then move on to What to Communicate?
. And finally, we will explore How to Communicate?
Question – Do you find communication a problem?
Affirm – Communication is a skill I can learn.
Theme For the Month of July – Successful Communication
Quotation for the Month
“As a psychologist, I cannot impress upon you too seriously the importance of the development of speech as a means towards successful living.” – Dr Beran Wolfe in Successful Living
Map of the Month
The Right Foundational Questions
[1] Why communicate?
. To Live
. To Learn
. To Love
[2] What to communicate? SPEECH
S = Starting a conversation
P = Personal information
E = Express an opinion
E = Express a feeling
C = Confront problems
H = Honesty
[3] How to communicate?
. Confidently
. Compassionately
. Clearly
. Concisely
A Meditation for the Month
“Success” by John O’Shea
“Success is speaking words of praise
In cheering other people’s ways
In doing just the best you can
With every task and every plan
It’s silence when your speech would hurt
Politeness when your neighbour’s curt
It’s deafness when the scandal flows
And sympathy with others’ woes
It’s loyalty when duty calls
It’s courage when disaster falls
It’s found in laughter and in song
It’s found in the silent time of prayer
In happiness and in despair
In all of life and nothing less
We find the things we call success…”
A Promise
“Speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up…” – St Paul to the Ephesians (A.D. 64)
A Prayer
“Don’t walk in front of me I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” – Albert Camus, French Existentialist (1913–1960)
JUNE 30
Never Stop Learning (2)
“As long as you live, keep learning how to live.” – Lucius Annaeus Seneca (4 BCE–65 AD): Epistulae ad Lucilium LXXVI
Never feel you are too old to learn or achieve something new. At the age of 80, Moses led about 2 million people out of Egypt, and he continued to lead them for another 40 years.
In his 80s, Sophocles, the Greek playwright, was taken to court by his son. The son claimed his father was mentally incapable. In his defence, Sophocles gave the judge a script of his latest play. He then proceeded to recite it faultlessly. When he reached the second act the case was thrown out of court.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe was 82 when he completed his masterpiece play. At 71, former Milwaukee school teacher, Golda Meir, became Prime Minister of Israel.
At 63 Michelangelo began the construction of St Peter’s dome in Rome. He continued to work on it until he was 89.
The conductor Toscanini had a phenomenal memory. At the age of 85 he was still active and he had memorised 250 symphonies, 100 operas, plus other pieces of music. On one occasion when the scores were mislaid, he sat down and wrote them all from memory.
Question – Are you going to use it, or lose it?
Affirm – I will continue to develop my mind.
JUNE 29
N = Never Stop Learning
“Anyone who stops learning is old whether this happens at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps on learning not only remains young but becomes constantly more valuable, regardless of physical capacity.” – Henry Ford, U.S. Industrialist
Another wise man, King Solomon of Israel, put it like this.
“Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning.”
You never stop learning, and you are never too old to begin.
Not all proverbs are true. There is one which is often quoted by middle aged people: “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks!”. That is false. There are only two reasons why you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.
[1] They don’t want to change
[2] They think they know better
Question – Do you think you are too old to learn new things?
Affirm – I will always remain teachable.
JUNE 28
Repeat the Information (2)
“Success in life is a matter not so much of talent… [but] of concentration and perseverance.” – C.W. Wendte
As you repeat the information, preferably out loud, it will become more fixed in your memory banks. When at school, you will no-doubt recall chanting in unison the times tables. This age-old method of learning still has a lot going for it, because the repetition said out loud reinforces your memory.
Now for a quick review of learning.
L = Look and listen carefully
E = Evaluate the information
A = Arrange the information
R = Repeat the information
N = Never stop learning
Question – Have you been making your affirmations out loud?
Affirm – I will never stop learning.
JUNE 27
R = Repeat the information (1)
“The memory is always present; ready and anxious to help – if only we would ask it to do so more often.” – Roger Broille
The R of L.E.A.R.N. is Repeat
Your mind has two memory systems – short and long term. To transfer information from your short term memory to your long term memory there are three steps.
Review it – Review it – and Review it
If you have been to a lecture the amount you will remember in the long term will depend upon three things:
[1] Did you Look and Listen Carefully?
[2] Did you take notes?
[3] Did you review it?
After the lecture, if possible, sit down for ten minutes with a drink. Without using your notes, rewrite the main points of the lecture. Then check them against your notes. That will keep it fresh in your memory for 24 hours.
The following day repeat the process above.
A month later repeat for a third time. If you have the outline correct then it will be in your long term memory. If you have missed out some of the outline, rewrite it and then repeat the review a week later, until you get it correct.
Question – Are you prepared to make the effort?
Affirm – Physical training would take much more effort.
JUNE 26
Arrange the Information (9): Review
“Memory, the daughter of attention, is the teeming mother of knowledge.” – Martin Farquar Tupper (1810–1889)
To recap on some of the memory devices we have looked at for recalling information.
Acronyms: where the initials of each point are used to make up a word, preferably one easily linked to the subject.
Rhymes: like ‘In 1492 Columbus sailed the ocean blue’.
Alliteration: where each point begins the same letter or sound. For example, the 3R’s of Education.
Sentences: where the first letter of each word is the same as the initial of the points to be recalled.
Numbers: look for patterns, pictures, or convert them into letters. If this is an area you need to work on, then buy some books specifically on how to increase your memory.
Question – Have you understood these principles?
Affirm – I understand and will apply these principles.
JUNE 25
Arrange the Information (8): Pictures
“The soul never thinks without a picture.” – Aristotle (384–322 BCE)
Your brain thinks in words and pictures. Therefore, to turn numbers into words, work through from 1 – 10 and memorise a consonant for each number.
For instance: –
1 = T because it has 1 upright line
2 = n which has 2 upright lines
3 = m which has 3 upright lines
4 = Looks like L with a line through it
5 = S because they are similar shapes
6 = C because they are similar shapes
7 = F similar shape in reverse
8 = g because they are similar shapes
9 = P in reverse
0 = K as in O.K. or K.O.
So, if the number you wished to remember was 5615325041 you would have the letters SCTSMNSKLT. You then add some vowels, and you have SCOTMAN’S KILT. Which is an easy picture to remember.
To translate it back to numbers…
[1] You remove the vowels,
[2] You translate the consonants back into numbers
Question – Have you memorised your National Insurance, or Social Security number?
Affirm – I will exercise my brain a little more.
JUNE 24
Arrange the Information (7): Patterns
“A single abstract memory system… can be accessed equally well by words or pictures.” – M.C. Potter & B.A. Faulconer in Time to Understand Pictures & Words
Principle 17 of Successful Living
The mind recalls images easier than facts or figures
That is why numbers above 7 digits are difficult to remember.
Look for patterns
Your brain would find the number 149219451812 hard to remember. So, you break it down into sections.
1492 = Christopher Columbus
1945 = End of World War 2
1812 = An overture by Tchaikovsky
So, to remember the number you would see Columbus sailing the ocean blue. Churchill declaring the war is over, and during the celebrations the 1812 overture was played. This helps you to keep the numbers in sequence.
The number you need to remember may be part of a friend’s telephone number and part a famous event. Then picture your friend ringing up the historic person and congratulating them.
If the number has a 4 in it (for example, 28647) remember it like a cricket score 286 for 7.
Question – Do you find numbers difficult to remember?
Affirm – I will begin to look for patterns.
JUNE 23
A = Arrange the Information (6): Sentences
“A man’s real possession, is his memory. In nothing else is he rich, in nothing else is he poor.” – Alexander Smith
If there are seven pieces of information to remember, I would begin by finding a heading for each one.
If I couldn’t make a word out of the capital letters, then I would use a book of synonyms to find some alternatives. And try juggling the letters around.
If the sequence of the letters is important then I would write down the capital letters of each point.
The colours of the spectrum are Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, and Violet. So, the initials are R.O.Y.G.B.I.V.
To recall them in the correct order some people were taught the sentence:
Richard Of York Gave Battle In Vain.
A sentence like that ensures you recall them in the right order.
Question – What information do you need to be able to recall?
Affirm – I will begin to apply these principles.
JUNE 22
Arrange the Information (5): Rhymes and Alliteration
“A ‘good’ memory is the ability to recall at will any of those stored impressions.” – Robert J Lumsden in 23 Steps to Success & Achievement
Rhymes
Another way of recalling information is by rhyme. Many of us were taught “In 14 hundred and 92 Columbus sailed the ocean blue.”
Or the rhyme to remember how many days are in each month.
“30 days hath September, April, June, and November; all the rest of 31 except February, which has 28 days clear and 29 each leap year.”
If you take the time and effort you can often work out simple ways of explaining or remembering the information you need.
Alliteration
This is where you start each point with the same letter or sound. An example of this is the 3 R’s of education: reading, writing, and ‘rithmatic.
Question – Have you tried any of these associations yet?
Affirm – I will put into practice what I am learning.
JUNE 21
A = Arrange the Information (4): The Alphabet
“Of all the functions of the brain, the memory is most easily improved by culture and exercise. Yet how little trouble is taken to cultivate it in any but a haphazard way!” – Everybody’s Doctor (published 1912)
Another way of memorising is to use the alphabet. An example of this is Psalm 119 which works systematically through the Hebrew alphabet, eight verses to each letter.
In the days before literacy the Psalms had to be memorised. With it being such a long Psalm, it was helpful to have a framework to remind you of where you were.
Some people from the Jewish faith are able to repeat the whole of the Old Testament from memory. If we only began to trust our memory more, we would be amazed at what we could remember.
At the end of Alex Hailey’s book Roots, he returns to the Gambia and finds a man who can repeat the genealogy of the whole tribe from memory.
Question – Do you trust your memory or write it down?
Affirm – I will begin to trust my memory more.
JUNE 20
A = Arrange the Information (3): Acronyms
“The more intelligible a thing is, the more easily it is retained in the memory…” – Benedict Spinoza (1632–1677)
As we have seen, the problem is not with remembering but with recalling. There are many different ways of recalling.
The one I like to use is an acronym. This is where a word is formed from the initials of other words. The acronym I am using at present is L.E.A.R.N. for the five keys of memory.
It is best to try, as much as possible, to find a word that is easily linked to the subject.
For instance, the four Keys to unlock Stress are C.A.L.M.
C = Challenge compulsive thoughts – I must do this…
A = Assert yourself – say “no” to people
L = Learn to relax
M = Manage your time better
The association of ideas helps to recall the information.
Question – Have you begun to develop any outlines?
Affirm – I will learn to develop my memory.
JUNE 19
Arrange the Information (2): Organisation
“There is no such thing as a poor memory; only a trained or untrained one.” – Harry Lorayne in How to Develop a Super-Power Memory
The opening scene of George Eliot’s novel, Middlemarch, describes the heroine’s uncle asking a friend how he organises his documents.
“In pigeon-holes”, the friend replied.
“Ah, pigeon-holes will not do. I have tried pigeon-holes,” says the uncle, “but everything gets mixed up in pigeon-holes: I never know whether a paper is in A or Z.”
The problem with most people’s memories is that all the information is there but don’t know where to put their hand on it, just like the uncle’s pigeon-holes.
This is the most important stage in the process. You need to organise the material so that you can find it when you need it. Your memory is like a deep well. When information is fresh in your mind it is floating on the surface of the well. You need to tie a line to it before it sinks. You then need to put a tag on the line so that, by finding the right tag, you can retrieve the information from the depths of your well.
We will explore different methods of recall.
Question – Is your memory like the uncle’s documents?
Affirm – I will organise my memory.
JUNE 18
A = Arrange the Information (1): Look at the Stars
“The true art of memory is the art of attention.” – Samuel Johnson (1709–1784)
The A of L.E.A.R.N. is Arrange the information.
Back at the dawn of history, early man looked at the sky at night and saw millions of stars – That’s Stage 1. Looking Carefully.
He then decided that the stars were useful to help him find his way at night – That’s Stage 2. Evaluating. He then moved on to Stage 3. Arranging the Information.
There were so many stars it was no use just numbering them, so he looked for patterns. He noticed that one group of stars looked like a plough, another like a great beat, and then another group like a warrior with those three stars for his belt.
In this way, man was able to make sense of the heavens, and use the stars to navigate at night.
This third stage is an important one. You need to arrange the information so that you can find your way around it. It is then easier for you to remember it.
Question – Now do you see why I use outlines?
Affirm – I can cope with masses of information if I arrange it.
JUNE 17
Evaluate the Information (2): Priorities
“The one real object of education is to leave a man in the condition of continually asking questions.” – Bishop Mandell Creighton (1843–1901) in Things Ancient & Modern
You need to have a clear goal for your life. This will clearly show you if a piece of information is relevant to you. Here are some basic questions to ask yourself.
Will this information:
. Help build my character?
. Help build my confidence?
. Help me communicate better?
. Help me become more competent at my job?
. Help me live a fulfilled life?
Asking these questions should bring greater clarity into your thinking. You will then be able to discern what is relevant to you and what is trivia.
Some people’s minds are like attics that are full of junk and clutter which is of no use to anyone, because they have thought “That might be useful one day!”
You need to find out, before you store it, if information is going to be of use to you.
Question – Have you spring cleaned your mind yet?
Affirm – I will sort out my mental attic.
JUNE 16
Key 2
E = Evaluate the Information
“Memory depends on processing. Very smart people process information very deeply.” – Daniel Schacter, Harvard University
The E of L.E.A.R.N. is Evaluate
Having looked and listened carefully, you then need to evaluate the information. Not all information is worth remembering.
Ask these two basic questions:
[1] Is this information going to help me live or make a living more effectively?
[2] Do I need this information to get my qualification?
If the answer is yes, then it’s worth committing it to memory. Only you can decide what is relevant information. What is important to one person will be trivial to another. It all depends on your career and life-style.
Einstein said that he never cluttered up his mind with other people’s telephone numbers. Yet if you’re a salesman, they may be very important. Only you know what is important information.
Question – What do you need to learn?
Affirm – I will learn how to manage my memory.
JUNE 15
Look and Listen Carefully (4)
“There is no such thing as voluntary, sustained attention for more than a few seconds at a time. What is called sustained, voluntary attention, is a repetition of successive efforts which bring back the topic to mind.” – Prof. William James (1842–1910)
There is only one reason why you don’t look and listen carefully and that is because you are not interested. Something else has caught your eye or your mind has wandered.
Learn the A.B.C. of concentrating
Avoid distractions. Turn off the radio or TV so that you won’t be tempted to look at or listen to something else more exciting.
Break down your workload. Give yourself ten minutes off every hour. This will help you to remain focused for the other 50 minutes. Also, allocate yourself a reasonable amount of work for the time you have allowed.
Concentrate on the present. Don’t allow yourself to start reminiscing about the past or daydreaming about the future. Focus on the here and now. If you mind begins to wander, then re-focus your thinking.
Question – Are you prepared to work at concentrating?
Affirm – My concentration is getting better.
JUNE 14
Look and Listen Carefully (3)
“Concentration is the secret of success in… all the management of human affairs.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
David Bathurst, from Chichester, set a world record by reciting from memory all four gospels in under 10 hours. If you are going to be a success at learning and remembering anything, then you need to learn how to concentrate.
I remember an art teacher saying to the class…
“You see things but you don’t observe them.”
He then asked…
“How many different styles of streetlight did you pass on your way to school?”
Most in the class had seen them but hadn’t noticed them.
The same principle is true with learning. We need to look and listen carefully.
That takes concentration.
Question – Do you find it difficult to concentrate?
Affirm – I will practise concentrating.
JUNE 13
Look and listen carefully (2): Distractions
“Pussy cat, pussy cat, where have you been? I’ve been up to London to visit the Queen. Pussy cat, pussy cat, what did you there? I frightened a little mouse under her chair.” – Songs for the Nursery
It is so easy to be like the cat. You can be distracted from the important things – seeing the queen, by something you are interested in – a mouse.
If you are keen on football, and during an important lecture you can see a game being played on the sports field, then you are going to be distracted during the lesson.
If this is a temptation, then sit as far from the window as you can to avoid being distracted. If you haven’t heard the information given during the lesson, then you are not going to be able to recall it later.
Question – Will you discipline your mind to concentrate?
Affirm – I need to concentrate in order to remember.
JUNE 12
Learning To Learn
“A man must get a thing before he can forget it.” – Judge Oliver Wendell Holmes
L = Look and listen carefully: Interest
If you don’t focus your attention on what is being said, then you’re not going to be able to recall it when you need to.
There is so much information about, that we only recall the things we are interested in, or we see as being relevant.
Sometimes you need to learn certain information as a step to a higher goal. Unless you can generate interest in what you are hearing or studying then you will never remember it.
In that case, try to find some way of making your studying more interesting and fun. Keep reminding yourself: “This is not an end but a step along the road to success.”
If you have found a career that suits your interests and personality then this should not be a problem.
Question – Do you find it difficult to concentrate?
Affirm – I will learn to listen carefully.
JUNE 11
The Memory and Learning
“All my past life is mine no more, the flying hours are gone, like the transitory dreams given o’er, whose images are kept in store by memory alone.” – Lord Rochester (1647–1680)
There are five keys to learning. I will use L.E.A.R.N. as an outline. For example – Learning a person’s name.
L = Look and listen carefully. When a person introduces themselves, make a mental note of their name, where they are from, and what they do. Next, you…
E = Evaluate the information. Am I likely to meet this person again? If I am then I need to remember their name.
A = Arrange the information. To help you remember the information you need to link it to something you already know. For example, if they have the same name as someone else you know, imagine them standing together.
R = Repeat the information. If there is more than one way of spelling their name (for example, Carol or Carole) then ask, “Do you spell Carol with an e or not?”. Then use their name as often as you can during the conversation. This will help you recall it.
N = Never stop learning. Your memory is like any other part of your body. The more you use it the stronger it becomes.
Question – Do you need to learn how to learn?
Affirm – I will begin to exercise my mind.
JUNE 10
The Magic of Your Memory
“All knowledge is but remembrance.” – Plato (428–348 BCE)
Having an accurate and well used memory is the basis of success in almost any field of endeavour. It can also help you out of some potentially embarrassing moments.
I recall the account of a preacher on his way to speak at a church of about 300 people, when his car broke down outside a friend’s house. He knocked on his door and borrowed his car. On arriving at the church, the preacher found that he had left his notes in his car back at his friend’s house. Fortunately, the churchman had a clear outline in his mind of what he was going to say and so he was able to speak without any problem. If he had been totally dependent upon his written notes, he would have found himself in a very embarrassing situation.
Question – Have you ever wished you could remember something?
Affirm – I will learn how to develop my memory.
JUNE 9
The Greatness of Your Brain
“Your brain… is awe-inspiring. It’s like a galaxy that you can hold in your hand, only more complex, more mysterious.” – Don DeLillo in White Noise
I want you to understand just how awe-inspiring your brain is.
Tony Buzan, who has written numerous books on the brain, claims that the number of atoms in the known universe is 10 followed by 100 noughts. Type written, that would take less than 12 inches.
Your brain has one thousand million brain cells.
According to the Russian neuroanatomist Pytor Anokhin, the number of interconnections between your brain cells, is 1 followed by 6.5 million miles of noughts.
That means, in round figures, that your brain has 35,000 million times more interconnections than there are atoms in the known universe. Don’t worry about overloading your brain.
No wonder the Psalmist wrote:
“Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! It is amazing to think about. Your workmanship is marvellous – and how well I know it.”
Question – Did you realise what power your brain has?
Affirm – I will unlock my brain power.
JUNE 8
Spring Clean Your Brain (4)
Negativity
“None of us is born with a good memory – we all have to learn memory strategies.” – Dr Michael Grunenburg, University of Wales
Are you the sort of person who is always complaining about having a bad memory or education, but never does anything about it?
There is a natural law called The Law of Attraction.
If you keep telling yourself “I have a poor memory!” then guess what you will attract to yourself?
Jesus put it like this: “According to your faith be it unto you.”
If you have got faith for failure then that’s what you’ll get. Likewise, if you have faith for a good memory, then success will follow.
Begin affirming… I’m a second Einstein
When Einstein died his brain was dissected and there was nothing exceptional about it. It was just like yours or mine, he had just developed his potential more than most of us.
You have the potential to be another Einstein.
Question – Do you complain about your memory or education?
Affirm – I am another Einstein.
JUNE 7
Spring Clean Your Brain (3)
Failure
“Failure is the chance to do it better next time.” – Henry Ford, U.S. Industrialist
Many people’s lives are blighted by experiences from the past. Things did not turn out the way they wanted and so they have lived with a sense of failure.
The happiest day of your life will be when you accept yourself and your past. You cannot change your past and the mistakes you made, but you can change your attitude towards them.
Stop reliving past failures – see them as learning experiences and move on towards success.
Question – Is your past holding you back from moving on?
Affirm – I will move on and be the best I can be.
JUNE 6
Spring Clean Your Brain (2)
Guilt
“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains.” – C.S. Lewis in The Problem of Pain
A second area you need to clean out is guilt.
There are two types of guilt – true and false.
True guilt is where you have violated one of God’s or society’s laws. Guilt is to the mind what pain is to the body. It is a warning that something is not right.
If you have violated God’s law then ask Him to forgive you, and He has promised that he will. If you have violated your own conscience then forgive yourself and move on. If you have sinned against someone else then ask them to forgive you, and as much as possible make restitution.
As you get rid of the guilt, your self-esteem will grow and so will your peace of mind.
Question – Who do you need to ask forgiveness from?
Affirm – I seek to find forgiveness for my guilt.
JUNE 5
Spring Clean Your Brain (1)
Resentment
“Memories are key not to the past, but the future.” – Corrie ten Boom in The Hiding Place
Before we look at how to improve your mind power, we need to get rid of any negative information that is still there. Negative information acts like a virus in a computer. It will destroy any progress you make.
Four things to spring clean from your mind – Resentment, Guilt, Failure, and Negativity.
Resentment
If there is any unforgiveness towards someone, then get rid of it, because it is cluttering up your mind. Part of your mind is taken up with remembering the incident and constantly reminding you not to forgive the person who hurt you.
You being resentful and bitter is not hurting the other person, but it is damaging you physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Question – Is there anyone you are holding a grudge against?
Affirm – I forgive… (name them) for what they did.
JUNE 4
Focus on the Benefits
“Our crowded hour of glorious life is worth an age without a name.” – Thomas Osbert Mordaunt, 18th Century English Gentleman
In developing your mind, focus on the benefits. See your mind like a computer. The model you have is exactly the same as the one given to Einstein. Your mind has tremendous potential.
You have got a good memory – it just needs training.
Everything you have ever heard, read, or seen is stored in your memory. W.G. Penfield, A Canadian brain surgeon, found that as he electrically stimulated different parts of the brain, the patient would relive experiences from their past which they had completely forgotten.
The information is in your computer. You just need to learn how to access it.
Question – How often have you said, “I’ve got a poor memory?”
Affirm – I have a good memory which needs training.
JUNE 3
Your Mind and Success
“You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself.” – Galileo, Italian Astronomer & Mathematician (1564–1642)
You begin within. As you develop your mind, you will also develop your potential.
There are four areas of your M.I.N.D you need to work on.
M = Manage your memory
I = Inspire your imagination
N = Nurture your natural abilities
D = Discipline your desires
As you manage your memory you will become more efficient.
As you inspire your imagination you will become more envisioned.
As you nurture and develop your God given abilities you will become more empowered.
As you discipline your desires you will focus upon them correctly and therefore become more enthusiastic.
A person that is efficient, envisioned, empowered, and enthusiastic, is bound to be a success.
Question – Which areas do you need to work on?
Affirm – I will become more efficient, envisioned, empowered, and enthusiastic.
JUNE 2
The Magic of Your Mind
“It has been estimated that an adult’s brain holds more information than is contained in all the British Library’s more than 9 million volumes.” – Dr David Lewis in Mind Skills
Between your ears there is a fantastic computer. It can retain mountains of information and can make connections, which a normal computer can’t do. It just needs you to know how to program it correctly.
It’s no use having the largest computer in the world, if you don’t know how to use it or access the information it contains.
Principle 16 of Successful Living
You need to learn how to live successfully
If to succeed is, in the Marquis de Vauvenargues words….
“To live up to one’s opportunities and make the most of one’s resources” …
… Then the discipline and development of your mind must be an important step towards making “the most of one’s resources”.
Question – Do you know how to learn successfully?
Affirm – I want to make the most of my resources.
JUNE 1
Two Types of Education
“There are two kinds of education – one teaches us how to make a living and the other teaches us how to live.” – Prof. William Barclay (1907–1978)
Barclay was a professor of Divinity and Biblical Criticism at Glasgow University. In his book Testament of Faith, he describes himself as having a second-class mind but a phenomenal memory.
When he read something, he remembered it or knew where to find it.
Developing your memory is essential for both making a living and knowing how to live. Barclay claims he never had an original thought in his life; but he made a living out of explaining the ideas of the Biblical writers.
Having a good memory is also essential to living a successful life. Remembering faces, facts, and figures, all help to give you confidence in your social and work life.
Question – Have you got a good memory?
Affirm – I will develop my memory to its full potential.
Theme For the Month of June – Successful Learning Skills
Quotation for the Month
“A good memory is surely one of the essentials of successful living.” – Robert J Lumsden in 23 Steps to Success & Achievement
Map of the Month
Learn How to LEARN
L = Look and listen carefully
E = Evaluate the information
A = Arrange the information
R = Repeat the information
N = Never Stop learning
A Meditation for the Month
“The tools of learning are the same in any and every subject; and the person who knows how to use them will at any age, get the mastery of a new subject in half the time and with a quarter of the effort expended by the person who had not the tools at his command.” – Dorothy L Sayers (1893–1957)
A Promise
“My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity.” – King Solomon the Wise (1015–997 BCE)
A Prayer
“Guide us, teach us, and strengthen us, O Lord, we beseech thee, until we become such as thou wouldst have us to be.” – Charles Kingsley (1819–1875)
MAY 31
Nerve (3)
You Can Do It
“The highest reward for a person’s toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.” – John Ruskin, English author and art critic (1819–1900)
Your success will be governed by your attitudes.
If you’re negative and say to yourself “I’m to old to change” or “I am frightened to change my career now…” then you will never succeed.
It is estimated that 64 per cent of the world’s great achievements were performed by people over the age of 40.
Jules Verne wrote his best stories when he was in his 70’s.
George Bernard Shaw won the Nobel Prize in 1925 when he was 69.
At the age of 73 Konrad Adenauer became Chancellor of West Germany in 1949. A country still half buried under the rubble of the second world war, he ruled until 1963 and had rebuilt the foundations of a strong economy. He was 87 when he retired.
There are two attitudes that hold you back:
. I can’t do it
. I won’t try it.
Question – What is holding you back?
Affirm – I can have a successful career.
MAY 30
Nerve (2)
Palmer’s Plaque
“Fortune favours the audacious.” – Desiderius Erasmus (1466–1536)
Arnold Palmer, the American golfer, who earned $80million during his career, had a plaque on his wall which read:
“If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don’t.
If you’d like to win but think you can’t,
It’s almost certain you won’t.
If you think you’ll lose, your lost,
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a fellow’s will –
It’s all in the state of mind.
If you think you are outclassed, you are;
You’ve got to think high to rise.
You’ve just got to be sure of yourself
Before you can win the prize.
Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man,
But sooner or later, the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can.”
Palmer’s plaque contains that great psychological truth:
What you believe is what you will achieve
Question – Do you have the nerve to attempt great things?
Affirm – God and I can cope with any situation.
MAY 29
Finally, N = Nerve (1)
An Eagle or a Chicken?
“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” – T.S. Eliot (1888–1965)
The final factor in you being the P.E.R.S.O.N. you are is your nerve. It all depends on what you have had the courage to do. How far you have been prepared to go.
The North American Indians have a story about a baby eagle who fell out of its nest and was adopted by a hen. The eagle grew up with the chickens, scratching for corn in the farmyard. One day when it was fully grown, the eagle noticed two magnificent eagles soaring in the sky. He looked up and wished he could fly like them. He didn’t have the nerve to try so he spent the rest of his life pecking around in the dirt.
Has your potential been stunted by things that happened to you during your childhood?
If you have the nerve to begin to discover and develop your strengths, you will start to release your potential.
Question – Are you going to be an Eagle or stay a Chicken?
Affirm – I will release my full potential.
MAY 28
Summarise Your Strengths
“Not life, but a good life, is to be chiefly valued.” – Socrates (469–399 B.C.)
Not a career, but a good career, is what you want. To achieve that you need to clarify the areas of your strengths. Let’s run through where we are so far.
[1] P = People skills. Do you prefer depth or width in your relationships?
[2] E = Evaluation. Do you decide on the basis of principles or people?
[3] R = Right or left brain? Are you academic or artistic?
[4] S = Seeing things. Do you see the potential or practicalities?
[5] O = Organisation. Are you structured or spontaneous? A discoverer or a decider?
Out of those five questions you should have a preference for one of each of the options. This means you should have identified five of your potential strengths.
You now need to compare those with your career.
Which ones are you using and which are you not?
How could your other strengths be used in your work life?
Question – What are your five strengths?
Affirm – My strengths are…
MAY 27
Key (5)
O = Organisation and Information
“The unexamined life is not worth living.” – Socrates (5th century B.C.)
The fifth key to the type of P.E.R.S.O.N. you are is:
O – for Organisation and Information.
Key question 1 – Are you structured or spontaneous?
If you were going out for the day, would you plan it in detail or just let it happen?
In your work life do you like to have everything organised, or do you prefer a less structured approach?
Key question 2 – Are you a Decider or Discoverer?
Discoverers want to ‘wait by keeping their options open.’
. They are the type of person who is curious and enjoys investigating and absorbing new information.
. Like to be spontaneous and to go with the flow
. Hate committing themselves and making decisions
Deciders like things organised and planned.
. They like to work within structures and deadlines
. They like to feel they are in control.
Question – Are you a Discoverer or a Decider?
Affirm – I prefer to function in …mode (Insert discoverer or decider)
MAY 26
Seeing Things (5)
The Practical Person
“There is no problem we can’t solve if we can corral our resources behind it.” – Coretta Scott King (Wife of Martin Luther King Jr.)
Jung saw that practical people relate to the world via their senses and so he called them Sensors.
The Star Trek Sensors are engineers Scotty or Geordie.
If you are a Sensor, then affirm your strengths:
. I am very observant. I have an eye for detail
. I am results orientated, assertive, and want it now
. I prefer action to ideas
. I work systematically with things I can sense.
Actions
. Abrupt gesture with the hands
. Eyes jump from one thing to another
. Home and workplace tend to be disorganised
. Frequently running behind schedule
. Wants to get to the point
. Talks in short sentences
. Prefers to ring rather than write
. Talks about doing rather than thinking
. Depend upon experience rather than theory
. Tend to be conventional
. Seeing is believing; they are realists.
Question – Do you feel this describes you? If so…
Affirm – I appreciate my practical skills, my powers of observation, and my down to earth common sense.
MAY 25
Seeing Things (4)
The Possibilities Person
“Some men see things as they are, and say, ‘Why?’ I dream of things that never were, and say, ‘Why not’?” – George Bernard Shaw (1856–1950)
Jung called possibility thinkers Intuitors.
Star Trek Intuitors = Captain Kirk or Captain Picard. Possibility People are imaginative thinkers.
If this is you – affirm your strengths:
. I am able to see the potential in situations
. I am a visionary
. I see long range goals not present realities
. I see the dynamics of a situation not the details
. I see the larger picture rather than the specifics
. I can bring order out of complexity or confusion.
Actions:
. Often look past you, avoiding frequent eye contact
. Tend to talk to open spaces across the room
. Do not want much personal comfort
. Read widely on general topics
. Ask broad questions, become impatient with detailed information.
Question – Are you a possibility thinker? If you are…
Affirm – I appreciate myself for my creativity, my insights, and my ability to see possibilities.
MAY 24
Seeing Things (3)
Down To Earth, or Head in The Clouds?
“Explore thyself! Herein are demanded the eye and the nerve.” – Henry David Thoreau (1817–62)
Not everybody sees things the way you do.
There are two ways of looking at a situation – the potential or the practicalities.
Are you a realist, who perceives things by your senses?
. Interested in the things you can see and touch?
. Quick to see solutions to practical problems?
. Like to know all the details of a subject?
. Observant concerning your surroundings?
Or are you the type of person who perceives things by your imagination? Are you:
. Interested in theories and philosophy?
. Do you enjoy solving abstract problems?
. Do you see the “Big Picture”? i.e. the implications of an action and how things relate to each other.
. Not interested in the details, just the dynamics.
Jung described these two ways of seeing things as:
[1] Sensing – because things are perceived by the senses.
[2] Intuition – because the situation is responded to intuitively.
Question – Are you a Sensor or an Intuitor?
Affirm – I recognise that I am…
MAY 23
Seeing Things (2)
Potential of Practicalities?
“We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are.” – The Talmud (Book of Jewish Wisdom)
In the Bible there is an incident recorded in the Book of Numbers, Chapter 13. Moses sent twelve men into Canaan to spy out the land. Ten saw the practicalities of things as they were. They came back and said that there were giants in the land “and we seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes.”
Two of the spies, Joshua and Caleb, saw the potential of things as they could be. They reported back to Moses “it’s a wonderful land which we are more than able to conquer… let’s go in and take it.”
Question – Would you have sided with the two or the ten?
Affirm – I am the type of person who sees the ______ of a situation. (insert – practicalities or potential)
MAY 22
Key (4)
S = Seeing Things (1)
“It was the best of times; it was the worst of times… it was the spring of hope; it was the winter of despair”. – Charles Dickens in A Tale of Two Cities
These opening words from Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities, show that two people can go through the same experience and yet see it quite differently.
The next key that unlocks the type of P.E.R.S.O.N. you are is…
S = Seeing Things
Imagine two people on a Roller Coaster. One sees their arousal as excitement, feels thrilled by it, and can’t wait to do it again. The other interprets their arousal as fear, is terrified by it, and would not do it again for anything.
They both went through the same experience. The same chemicals were released into their bodies. Why did they react differently?
Principle 15 of Successful Living
The way you see things determines your reaction.
Question – Did you know that your mind controls your reactions?
Affirm – I will try to see the opportunities in situations.
MAY 21
R = Right or Left Brain (2)
“Follow that will and that way which experience confirms to be your own.” – C.G. Jung (1875–1961)
There are seven basic kinds of intelligence.
What are your areas of intelligence? (You may have several.)
[1] Verbal – Do you enjoy doing crossword puzzles, playing Scrabble, or other word games?
[2] Logical – Do you sort things into categories? Do you ask yourself “How did they do that?”
[3] Mathematical – Do you enjoy maths or playing chess?
[4] Musical – Are you good at identifying sounds? Can you sing in key?
[5] Creative – Are you observant? Good at art or craft work?
[6] Physical – Are you good with your hands? Do you enjoy sports or dancing?
[7] Emotional – Are you sensitive to yourself and others?
Don’t compare your weaknesses with other people’s strengths. Identify your areas of intelligence so that you can focus on your strengths.
Question – Which of the above are you good at?
Affirm – I am good at… (List your strengths)
MAY 20
Key (3)
R = Right or Left Brain?
“What it comes down to is that modern society discriminates against the right hemisphere.” – Dr Roger Sperry, University of Chicago
We now move on to the R of P.E.R.S.O.N. = Right or Left brain.
Your brain is a similar shape to a walnut. It consists of two hemispheres with a small bridge in between them. The two hemi-spheres have different functions.
The left hemisphere of the brain
Deals with the areas of traditional western education, reading, writing, mathematics, logic, and science. It also controls the right-hand side of the body.
The right hemisphere of the brain
Functions in the areas of music, art, form, imagination, dance, and the control of left-hand side of the body.
Which side do you prefer to use? Try these three tests.
[1] Sit with your hands in your lap and interlock your fingers. Which thumb is on top? Left or Right hand?
[2] If you were to look into a telescope or a rifle sight, which eye would you close? Left or Right?
[3] Hold a pencil at arms-length and line it up with something that is upright. Does it appear to move least when you close your Left or Right eye?
Answers:
All left = left brain
All right = right brain
Mixed = you use both sides of your brain.
Question – Are you Left or Right brain?
Affirm – I am proud to be a… brain person.
MAY 19
Evaluating – The Feeler
“God give me work
Till my life shall end
And life
Till my work is done.”
– Winifred Holtby, Novelist (1898–1935), on her grave at Rudstone, Yorkshire
Star Trek Feelers = Drs McCoy and Crusher.
They evaluate a situation on how it will affect people. They base a decision on their emotional reactions and experiences.
Affirm your strengths
. I have good interpersonal skills
. I understand people
. I have empathy, warmth, and compassion
. I am sensitive to myself and others
. I am good at reading between the lines
. I try to see how the problem with affect others.
Actions
. I try to bring about unity and harmony
. I like close eye contact when talking
. I like photos of my family
. I often touch people during conversation
. I use your name often in conversation.
Question – Are you a Feeler? If so…
Affirm – I appreciate myself for being friendly, good at working with people, and having a caring nature.
MAY 18
Evaluating – The Thinker
“Live according to your own nature; inwardly without restriction; outwardly in so far as external conditions permit.” – Abbe Henri de Tourville (1842–1903) in Letters of Direction
Thinkers. Star Trek Science Officers Spock or Data. Decisions based on logical objective analysis. If this is you –
Affirm your strengths
. I see the suitability of a course of action
. I am good at weighing up the alternatives
. I avoid emotionalism and speculation
. I like to have things clear in my own mind
. I look at the past, present, and future of an issue
. I am steady and reliable.
Actions
. I tend to read detailed and technical books
. I often quote sources during discussion
. I use precise terminology
. I ask specific questions
. I have detailed background on the subject
. I think “What are the options? And work it through step by step.”
Question – Are you a Thinker? If you are –
Affirm – I appreciate myself for my logical mind, and my ability to be objective and fair.
MAY 17
Key (2)
E = Evaluating Things
“As I cultivate my own nature all else follows.” – Ralph Blum
There are two ways of evaluating a course of action. When you have to make a decision how do you choose what to do?
Are you a principle person?
. Do you identify and apply principles of right and wrong?
. Are you objective, logical, and analytical?
. Do you avoid letting your feelings get in the way?
. When needed, can you confront people?
Or are you a people person?
. Do you think of how your decision will affect others?
. Do you endeavour to avoid conflict as much as possible?
. Do you find it difficult to confront people?
Jung defined these two ways of evaluating as thinking and feeling.
Question – Are you a Thinker or a Feeler?
Affirm – I am a… person. (insert which is most like you)
MAY 16
Evaluating Things (2)
Star Trek
“If you want to get across an idea, wrap it up in a person.” – Ralph Bunche (1904–1971)
Some people are Star Trek fans. The crew of the Star Ship Enterprise clearly demonstrate Jung’s four functions.
The Intuitors are Captain Kirk, or Captain Jean Luc Picard of the Next Generation. They see the potential or solution to situations by using their minds.
The Sensors are the Engineers, Scotty or Geordie, the practical men who like things they can touch and see.
The Feelers are Doctor McCoy or Doctor Beverly Crusher who are good at empathising with their patients.
The Thinkers are Mr Spock and Data who use logic and objective analysis to decide on a course of action.
Question – Which one do you see yourself as being the most like?
Affirm – I appreciate who and what I am.
MAY 15
Key (2)
E = Evaluating Things (1)
“It is the chiefest points of happiness that a man is willing to be what he is.” – Desiderius Erasmus (1466–1536)
The second letter in P.E.R.S.O.N. is = E for Evaluating
Another of Jung’s insights was how we relate to the world. He said there’s two ways of discovering and two ways of deciding.
The two ways of discovering information
We can discover information either by our minds or our senses. Jung called these either Intuition or Sensing. The Intuitor uses their mind to intuitively deduce information and resolve abstract puzzles and concepts. The Sensor uses their five senses to explore the world.
Two ways of deciding about information
Feeling = through emotional reactions, based upon past experiences, or the person makes value judgements.
Thinking = through logical analysis the person decides if a course of action is suitable or practical.
We will be exploring these insights in more depth, so that you can discover more clearly what your strengths are.
Question – Did you recognise yourself in one of these four?
Affirm – I will continue to discover who I am.
MAY 14
People Skills (4)
Advice to Introverts
“How can I be useful; of what service can I be? There is something inside me, what can it be?” – Vincent Van Gogh (1853–1890)
Affirm your strengths
. I have hidden depths; therefore, it takes others time to begin to appreciate me.
. I think before I speak; therefore, what I say is worth hearing.
. I am a good listener; therefore, I make a good confidant who will not gossip to others.
. I make a few strong and deep friendships. I am a good friend.
. I am a reliable, calm, and conscientious person.
Dangers to avoid
Spending too much time alone can result in depression. Therefore, try and work extroverting occasionally. Try to smile more. Introverts tend to be lost in their thoughts and can look rather sullen.
Question – Are you glad to be an introvert?
Affirm – I am an interesting person with real depth, who is worth getting to know.
MAY 13
People Skills (3)
Advice for Extraverts
“He conquers who conquers himself.” – (Vincit qui se vincit) Latin Proverb
You need to appreciate your own strengths and the strengths of the opposite personality type.
Affirm your strengths
. I am good at meeting new people
. I can open up a conversation with a stranger quite easily
. I am easy to get to know. What you see is what you get
. I am good at brainstorming new ideas with other people
. I find it easy to speak out at meetings.
Dangers to avoid
Don’t be like Freud, who thought all introverts were neurotics and needed therapy. They have some great strengths.
Because you are likely to speak first and think later, it is easy to put your foot in it.
When dealing with an introvert give them time and space to think. What they share will be well worth the wait.
Question – Are you glad to be an extravert?
Affirm – I appreciate myself as an action person who finds it easy to get along with others and by getting things done.
MAY 12
People Skills (2)
“The maxim ‘Know Yourself’ …should be imprinted on the heart, and stored in the memory.” – Juvenal (55–140 A.D.)
Although this self-examination might not seem very inspiring, it is like learning to play your scales in music. It is foundational to being a success.
Remember that the whole purpose of “Knowing Yourself” is to identify your preferences and strengths so that you can function more effectively.
Yesterday: If you answered yes to most of the a) questions – then you are an extravert; if you answered yes to most of the b) questions – then you are an introvert.
It all depends on where you focus your energy. It is either:
- The outer world of people and events, or
- The inner world of thoughts and feelings.
Question – Which do you focus on?
Affirm – I am glad to be an… (Extravert/Introvert)
MAY 11
Know Yourself (9)
Your Strengths (2)
“Deep within man dwell those slumbering powers; powers that would astonish him, that he never dreamed of possessing; forces that would revolutionise his life if aroused and put into action.” – Orison Swett Marden
Your People Skills
Jung, who was an introvert, was the first psychologist to define the differences between extraverts and introverts.
To begin unlocking yourself – evaluate your People Skills. (Make a note if you answer a or b.)
How do you prefer to relate to other people?
- To relate to many people in a light hearted way?
- Just a few on a deeper level?
Are you better at:
- Talking?
- Listening?
Do you:
- Speak and then think?
- Think and then speak?
At a party are you:
- Happy to stay to the very end?
- Happy to find an excuse to leave?
If you want to unwind, would you:
- Go out with friends?
- Spend time alone to read, watch TV, or go for a walk?
Do you prefer to communicate:
- Face to face?
- By letter or phone?
Conclude – Are you better at a. communication? b. concentration?
Question – Which do you have the most of, a’s or b’s?
Affirm – I am an… (A or B) person.
MAY 10
Know Yourself (8)
Your Strengths (1)
“Growth comes from building on talents, gifts, and strengths – not by solving problems.” – John Mason in An Enemy Called Average
Identifying your strengths
In one of England’s cathedrals there is a treasure chest. In the days before safes were invented, this chest held the cathedral’s wealth. It had five locks, each with a different key. The five members of the cathedral staff each held a key. All five needed to be present before the chest could be opened.
Perhaps the treasurer wasn’t to be trusted!
There are 6 keys to unlock the type of PERSON you are:
P = People skills
E = Evaluation of things
R = Right or left brain
S = Seeing things
O = Organisation
N = Nerve
Question – Are you ready to begin exploring yourself?
Affirm – I will be honest with myself.
MAY 9
Know Yourself (7)
Your Preferences (2)
“To make a choice is to exclude a possibility.” – Kay and Weaver, Pastoral Care & Counselling
You need to identify the preferences you chose as a child.
Are you left or right-handed?
The hand you prefer to write with is neither right nor wrong, it just means that you will become more competent with that hand.
Jung used the illustration of the lion and the crocodile. The lion strikes with its paw, while the crocodile strikes with its tail. They each use the area of their greatest strength.
With the questions I will be asking you, there are no right or wrong answers. They are to help you identify how you prefer to function, and hopefully recognise what your strengths are.
Question – Are you prepared to take responsibility for yourself?
Affirm – (Keep repeating) … I love and value myself.
MAY 8
Know Yourself (6)
Your Preferences
“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” – Confucius (551–479 B.C.)
The way you prefer to function is based on two factors.
Factor 1 – Your Parents. Their major influence upon your life was the genetic make-up they gave you. This will determine about 80% of how you will turn out. Your height, build, the colour of your hair, and eyes are based upon your genes.
Factor 2 – Your Preferences. During your development as a child, you made certain choices which influenced the development of your personality. These determine the other 20% of why you are the way you are.
Question – Did you know about these two factors?
Affirm – I will develop the 20% I can control.
MAY 7
Know Yourself (5)
Your Personality (1)
“Why is it that while all Greece lies under the same sky, and all Greeks are educated alike, it has befallen us to have different characters.” – Theophrastus in Characters (372–287 B.C.)
The oldest explanation for our personality differences is astrology, which believes it all depends upon where and when you were born.
The Ancient Greeks thought astrology unscientific. Hippocrates, the father of medicine, believed the differences were due to the secretions of the body. A physician named Galen refined the Four Humours, or Temperaments, and named them sanguine, choleric, phlegmatic, and melancholic. This theory is still used.
The next major contributor to our understanding of personality was Swiss psychiatrist Carl Gustav Jung. Jung said that the differences of personality were based upon how people preferred to function. The two reasons for the different preferences were:
Their parents and the choices made during childhood.
Question – Do you know your preferences?
Affirm – I want to know more about myself.
MAY 6
Know Yourself (4)
Where Your Heart Is
“Get to know two things about a man, how he earns his money and how he spends it, and you… have a searchlight that shows up the innermost recesses of his soul.” – Robert J McCracken
Jesus, in the Sermon on the Mount, put it like this: “Where your treasure is there will your heart be also.”
To find your values…
Take time out and ask yourself these questions
- What do you think about most in your spare time?
- What do you spend any spare money on?
- What do you most want out of life?
- How do you spend your spare time?
- Who do you most admire, and why?
- Whose company do you most enjoy?
- What books, audios, do you most enjoy, and why?
Question – Did you identify “where your heart is?”
Affirm – I want to be successful at being me.
MAY 5
Know Yourself (3)
How You Function Best
“The folly of that impossible precept ‘Know Yourself’, till it be translated into the partially possible one, ‘Know what thou canst work at’.” – Thomas Carlyle (1798–1881)
If you look in a good bookshop you will find books on such things as ‘Know your I.Q.’ or ‘Know your Personality.’
These books are interesting but they are of limited use, because your I.Q. and your personality are, to a large extent determined by your genetic make-up. You can’t change them.
To develop a successful career what you need to know is:
How do I function best?
When you know your strengths, you can focus on them and develop your full potential.
Question – Do you know your strengths?
Affirm – I will discover and develop my strengths.
MAY 4
Know Yourself (2)
Your Skills
“There are various ways… and many arts and skills. Each man practices as he feels inclined.” – Miyamoto Musashi
Which skills do you possess? Here are some examples.
Mind skills:
I am good at problem solving.
I have a good memory,
I find it easy to concentrate.
I was good at? (lessons at school)
Practical skills:
Are you good at any crafts?
Are you good at any sports?
Do you enjoy gardening?
Do you enjoy working on the house? (if yes, what specifically? painting, carpentry?)
Office Skills:
I can type or use a computer.
I am a good organiser.
Coping skills:
I never panic in a crisis.
I seldom loose my temper.
People skills:
I find it easy to talk to strangers.
I can make people feel wanted and special.
I can be assertive when it is needed.
I am a good listener.
These are some of the skills that may apply to you. You may have other skills that you could add to the list. The key is “Know what you can do.”
Question – What are you good at?
Affirm – I’ll develop all the skills I have.
MAY 3
Know Yourself – Your Preferences
“Understanding yourself is a necessary first step to improving yourself.” – Dr Kenneth Hambly in How to Improve Your Confidence
For the ancient Greeks, their education was based upon the exhortation “Know Yourself”. Today a successful career is also built upon the foundation of “Know Yourself”.
You need to ask yourself these two basic questions:
[1] What do I enjoy doing?
[2] Why do I enjoy doing it?
This, in turn, raises several secondary questions.
. Is it because I am spending time with other people?
. Is it because I am spending time alone?
. Is it because I feel fulfilled?
. Is it because I am giving to, or helping others?
. Is it because I do the thing well?
. Is it because it’s a challenge?
. Is it because I’m learning something?
Question – Have you identified what you enjoy and why?
Affirm – I enjoy…
MAY 2
Looking Back on Life
“One of the saddest experiences which can come to a human being is to awaken, grey haired and wrinkled, near to the close of an unproductive career, to the fact that all through the years he has been only using a small part of himself.” – V.W. Burrows
I remember a man, close to retirement, saying to me, “I started this job when I was 14 years old. I am now 64 and I have never enjoyed a single day of that 50 years.”
When I heard that, I decided I would never fall into the same trap. Yet so many people get stuck in the same rut, year in and year out.
I once saw a picture of an Australian road sign which read:
“Choose your rut carefully. You’ll be in it for the next 50 miles.”
When we leave school there should be a sign which says: “Choose your rut carefully. You’ll be in it for the next 50 years.”
Question – Were you given good career guidance?
Affirm – I will find what I do best.
MAY 1
Know What Job To Choose
“It is the first of all problems for a man (or woman) to find out what kind of work he (or she) is to do in the universe.” – Thomas Carlyle (1795–1881)
The secret of a successful career is doing what you enjoy and are good at. If you enjoy something you will be well motivated and successful.
If you dread going to work the time will drag, and you will end up wishing your life away. How often do you hear people say, “Roll on home time”, or “Only two days to the weekend?”
If you find the job that suits your skills and strengths then you will enjoy your work. In time, most jobs become routine, but you should go home at the end of the day with a sense of satisfaction.
Question – Do you enjoy your work?
Affirm – I’ll find the job that is right for me.
Theme For the Month of May – A Successful Career
Quotation for the Month
“Thoroughly to know oneself… is the highest art.” – Theologica Germanica (c. 1350 A.D.)
Map of the Month
Know the P.E.R.S.O.N you are:
P = People skills – How you relate to people
E = Evaluation – How you evaluate things
R = Right brain/Left brain – How you prefer to think
S = Seeing things – How you perceive things
O = Organisation – Are you structured or spontaneous?
N = Nerve – What you’ve had courage to do
A Meditation for the Month
“Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
‘Dust thou art, to dust returnest,’
Was not spoken of the soul.
..
Trust no Future, howe’er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act, – act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o’erhead,
…
Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time.
….
Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labour and to wait.”
H.W. Longfellow (1807–1882)
– A Psalm of Life (Stanzas 2,7,8, and 10)
A Promise
“Then the Lord your God will make you prosperous in all the work of your hands.” – Deuteronomy 30:9
A Prayer
“O God, Who hast commanded that no man should be idle, give us grace to employ all our talents and faculties in the service appointed for us; that, whatsoever our hand findeth to do, we may do it with our might.” – Martineau’s Common Prayer for Christian Worship
APRIL 30
Rule as Royalty
“The world is so full of a number of things, I’m sure we should all be as happy as kings.” – Robert Louis Stevenson (1850–1894) xxiv Happy Thought
All of the great people of history were known to have changed their circumstances.
They did not let the world squeeze them into its mould. They ruled over their lives, and made their environment adapt to them.
If you want to be successful, then you need to learn to live like royalty. You have been given authority over your mind, your moods, your motives, your money, your mouth, and your morals.
Begin by reigning over them. Then extend your kingdom into your circumstances and relationships.
Enjoy living your life as royalty. Be like the man who told Frederick of Prussia, “I am a king… I rule over myself.”
Question – Are you ruling over all of your domain?
Affirm – I am royalty.
APRIL 29
Area Six
Ruling Over Your Morals
“I can resist everything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde (1854–1900)
The final area of your life that you need to rule over is your morals. So many politicians and ministers of religion have ruined their careers and marriages by immorality.
A lesson that I learnt many years ago was this: if I see a beautiful woman I thank God for two things:
[1] That He had given me sight to behold beauty in the opposite sex
[2] That He created my sexuality.
I find that as I focus on God and on my personal relationship with my partner, it stops any temptation developing into lust.
Question – Do you struggle with this problem?
Affirm – I will give thanks in all things.
APRIL 28
Ruling Your Mouth (2)
Avoiding Arguments
“A soft answer turns away wrath.” – Proverb of Solomon the Wise (10th cent. B.C.)
How to HANDLE hassles:
H = Humour – The later Lord Soper was preaching at Speaker’s Corner in London, when someone in the crowd shouted, “What about flying saucers?”
“I can’t deal with your domestic problems at the moment,” replied Soper, and carried on preaching.
A = Apologise – If someone complains, apologise and offer to sort the problem out. Edward Kennedy was campaigning when someone asked him “Did you cheat in an examination?”
“Yes, I did,” he replied, “I was young and foolish. I can only ask you to forgive me.” The accuser was disarmed.
N = Never be hurtful. Sarcastic and cutting remarks must be avoided.
D = Discipline your emotions. Argue from the head, not the heart.
L = Learn to listen. Let the other person feel you completely understand their position, before you explain yours.
E = Exit gracefully. Close a discussion with: “Some arguments have two sides but no ends. We are on opposite sides, let’s agree to differ!”
Question – Do you struggle with arguments?
Affirm – I will handle hassles with humour.
APRIL 27
Area Five
Ruling Your Mouth (1)
“Beware of your tongue, it’s in a wet place. In wet places you are likely to slip.” – Rabbi Gamaliel (1st cent. A.D.) in Commentary on Proverbs
As you have learnt and applied how to rule over your mind, your moods, and your motives, to be able to rule over your mouth will be a natural progression.
The two main reasons why people slip up in their speech are:
[1] They are not thinking about what they are saying.
[2] They speak in the heat of the moment.
If you are ruling your mind, then you won’t slip on number 1.
If you are ruling over your moods, you won’t slip on number 2.
Question – Do you suffer with a slip of the lip?
Affirm – I will speak the truth in love.
APRIL 26
Ruling Your Money (4)
The Principles
“My other piece of advice, Copperfield,” said Mr Micawber, “You know. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen pounds, nineteen shillings and sixpence, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds and sixpence, result misery.” – Charles Dickens, David Copperfield (1812–1870)
Once your outgoings exceed your income you are on a downhill slope. The Western world has become very materialistic, and we are pressured by advertisers to live beyond our means.
Your money, like your mind, and your moods, makes a good servant but a bad master. You alone must rule your life.
Imagine you lost all of your possessions. If there is something you couldn’t live without, then that thing is possessing you, you’re not possessing it.
Tryon Edwards put it very clearly when he wrote:
“To possess money is very well; it may be a most valuable servant; to be possessed by it, is to be possessed… and one of the meanest and [of the] worst kind.”
Question – What do you need to break free from?
Affirm – I will rule like royalty.
APRIL 25
Ruling Your Money (3)
Your Priorities
“Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.” – Will Rogers (1879–1935)
Are you overly concerned about what other people think of you?
If the answer is yes, then they’re ruling your life and not you.
Do you feel inferior because the car you drive is not the latest model, or the clothes you wear are not this season’s latest style?
If the answer is yes, then you are not ruling over your money – other people are. They are dictating how you spend your money.
Forget about what the folks next door will think. Live your life according to your own priorities not those imposed upon you by the advertising industry. They are not interested in you living a happy life; all they want to do is sell you their product.
Question – Are you influenced by others?
Affirm – I will live within my income.
APRIL 24
Ruling Your Money (2)
Your Possessions
“If there is something you own you can’t give away, you don’t own it – it owns you.” – Albert Schweitzer, Doctor, Musician, and Missionary (1875–1965)
In the New Testament there is a story of a rich young man who wanted to follow Jesus. He was told to “Go and sell all that he had”. He went away sad. The reason given is literally “because he was possessed of many things.”
He thought that he possessed his possessions, but the truth was the exact opposite – the possessions possessed him.
You buy a house or a car and it begins to take over your time and your money. You have to clean it and maintain it, or pay someone to do it. The more you possess the more your life is taken over.
Question – Had you ever thought of your possessions possessing you?
Affirm – I will hold my possessions lightly, not tightly.
APRIL 23
Area Four
Ruling Your Money (1)
“It is preoccupation with possessions, more than anything else, that prevents us from living freely and nobly.” – Bertrand Russell (1872–1970)
Jesus: “You cannot serve God and mammon…”
St Paul: “Covetousness which is idolatry.”
If you take a 50p coin, or a silver dollar, and hold it close enough to your eye it will be the only thing you see.
The tragedy is, money and fame does not equal success.
Money can’t buy the important things in life – love, happiness, or health. A book entitled The World’s Wealthiest Losers looks at the lives of some of the richest and most famous people in the world, and shows that they died without love or any close friends.
Howard Hughes, Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe, J. Paul Getty, the list goes on and on. They had money and worldwide fame but never really found love and true fulfilment in life.
Question – Is money the all-important thing in your life?
Affirm – I will love people and use money, not love money and use people.
APRIL 22
Ruling Your Motives (2)
“One of the weaknesses of our age is the apparent inability to distinguish our needs from our greeds.” – Don Robinson
A man with a very low I.Q. went into a bank and asked for £1,000.
“I’m sorry sir” replied the bank teller “but you have not got any money in this bank!”
“I know I haven’t” responded the man, “but lots of other people do have.”
Many people see life like that man. They want to take out what they haven’t put in. They want to win the football pools or the national lottery, hoping that money will bring them happiness.
Question – What do you want out of life?
Affirm – I will put in more than I take out.
APRIL 21
Area Three
Ruling Your Motives (1)
“You will find as you look back on your life that the moments when you have really lived are… when you have done things in a spirit of love.” – Henry Drummond (1851–1897)
Another great man, Martin Luther King Jr, put it like this:
“Everyone can be great. Because everyone can serve.”
President John F Kennedy in one of his most famous speeches put forward this challenge:
“Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country.”
The key to happiness is giving, not getting. The great men and women of history left something behind when they died. It may have been their music, their wisdom, or something more tangible like an orphanage or a hospice.
Diana Princess of Wales is remembered for what she gave to people, not what she took from them.
Question – Martin Luther King Jr: “Life’s most urgent question is: What are you doing for others?”
Affirm – I can enrich others by my life.
APRIL 20
Ruling Your Moods (12)
“Circumstances and situations do colour life but you have been given the mind to choose what the colour shall be.” – John Homer Miller
In his book Man’s Search for Meaning, Jewish psychiatrist Viktor Frankl recounts what he endured in the Nazi death camps. He noticed that although people were going through the same circumstances they were reacting differently.
He concluded that they were not controlled by their environment, but by how they decided they would react to the situation.
In one of the death camps used during the Holocaust, a poem was found, written by an unknown Jewish child. It read:
“From tomorrow on I shall be sad
From tomorrow on.
Not today. Today I will be glad.
And every day, no matter how bitter it may be,
I shall say “From tomorrow on I shall be sad, Not today.”
Question – Are you going to act or react?
Affirm – I rule over my responses to people and circumstances.
APRIL 19
Ruling Your Moods (11)
“Cheerfulness keeps up a mind and fills it with a steady and perpetual serenity.” – Joseph Addison (1672–1719)
Your will rules your mind, and your mind rules your moods. It all depends what you focus on, and how you see things.
As you focus on the good things that have happened to you it will result in cheerfulness and thankfulness.
When you look at the hard times you have been through, look for what they have built into you. For a caterpillar to change into butterfly it has to struggle and strive to get out of the chrysalis. If it doesn’t struggle, it’s wings will not be strong enough to fly.
In an experiment, apples were grown under glass. They grew well and were perfectly formed. There was only one problem, they had no taste. It was the wind, cold, and rain that gave them their flavour.
Question – What have your struggles built into you?
Affirm – Everything works for my good.
APRIL 18
Ruling Your Moods (10)
The G of RULING = Get Excited
“There can be no transforming of darkness into the light and of apathy into movement without emotion.” – Carl Gustav Jung, Swiss psychiatrist
Correct thinking is fundamental, but it is not much fun and mainly mental. Information needs implementation if it is to change your life.
Image is the basis of imagination. To inspire your imagination means to have a clear picture in your mind of what you want to achieve. Try to see yourself at the end of your life.
What do you want to have achieved?
Now make a mental picture of yourself already achieving it.
Question – Have you got in touch with your emotions, so they can inspire and motivate you to live like royalty?
Affirm – I will use my emotions positively.
APRIL 17
Ruling Your Moods (9)
The N of RULING – New Coping Strategy
“In matters of principle, stand like a rock. In matters of taste, swim with the current.” – President Thomas Jefferson, 3rd President of the United States, (1743–1826)
The Four Steps
To F.R.E.E. yourself from an old strategy that has failed you, there are four basic steps.
F = Flexibility. Look for alternative ways of dealing with the problem. Don’t always react the same way.
R = Resilience. When you have a set-back, learn how to cope with it next time. That is the difference between a winner and a loser.
E = Expressive. Be in touch with your emotions but know how to express them positively. For example, aggression can be channelled positively into physical contact sports.
E = Endurance. Once you have found a strategy that works, keep going – the breakthrough may be nearer than you think.
Question – Which emotion do you need to be free from?
Affirm – I will rule over my emotions.
APRIL 16
Ruling Your Moods (8)
The I of RULING = Identify the wrong thinking
“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.” – Mark Twain
Young children love the story of Chicken Licken. It’s the story of a young chicken who had an acorn fall on its head. He mistakenly thought the sky was falling down and so went off to tell the King.
Are you generalising something that has happened to you?
Because you had a bad experience with a member of the opposite sex, are you thinking that all men/women are the same?
If your partner cheated on you, can’t you trust anyone?
You need to identify your wrong thinking before you can move on.
Question – Are you exaggerating the importance of an experience?
Affirm – I’ll distinguish mole hills from mountains.
APRIL 15
Ruling Your Moods (7)
The L of RULING = Learn From Them
“One has to face fear or forever run from it.” – American Indian Proverb
If you listen to your emotions you can learn from them. They are trying to motivate you to do something. Motion is at the centre of eMOTIONs. Here are some of the hidden messages.
Fear = Something is about to happen. My emotions are getting my body ready for fight or flight. Lesson: What might happen and how can I be prepared for it?
Disappointment = My expectations were not met either by me or someone else. Lesson: Were my expectations realistic?
Anger = I feel my rights have been violated. Which of my rights was violated? Lesson: Was it a principle or a preference?
As you begin to question yourself, you will find the areas where your thinking needs to change. This will result in the growth of your rule over your emotions.
Question – Have you ever questioned your emotions?
Affirm – Emotions has motion at its heart.
APRIL 14
Ruling Your Moods (6)
The U of RULING = Understand It
“Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.” – Swedish Proverb
Your emotions automatically respond to what your mind tells them. They are not right or wrong, they are there for your benefit and protection. They are part of your self defence mechanism. They are preparing you to deal with a threat.
You have remote control over your emotions.
Your will can control your thoughts.
Your thoughts control your emotions.
What you need to be asking yourself is:
What am I thinking to make my emotions react in this way?
Question – What wrong thoughts are behind your wrong emotions?
Affirm – I rule my emotions by my thoughts.
APRIL 13
Ruling Your Moods (5)
The R of RULING = Recognise It
“Yes, I’m personally the victim of deferred dreams, of blasted hopes, but in spite of that I close today by saying I still have a dream…” – Martin Luther King Jr.
If you feel disturbed or uncomfortable, ask yourself:
“Why am I feeling like this? Am I feeling inadequate, lonely, fearful, angry, frustrated, disillusioned, disappointment, hurt, rejected, or guilty?”
Try to pinpoint the emotion that you are feeling? Unless you recognise what a problem is, you can’t hope to deal with it.
Question – Are you good at identifying your emotions?
Affirm – I control my emotions; they don’t control me.
APRIL 12
Ruling Your Moods (4)
“The wicked are under the control of their heart, but the righteous have their heart under their control.” – Genesis Rabbah
There are six stages to ruling your emotions. It doesn’t matter what the emotion is, the same six stages of R.U.L.I.N.G. apply.
R = Recognise it
U = Understand it
L = Learn from it
I = Identify the problem
N = New coping strategy
G = Get excited. Act upon your plan.
Question – Are your negative emotions ruling your life?
Affirm – I am responsible for my life.
APRIL 11
Ruling Your Moods (3)
“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” – Anais Nin (1903–1977)
You can increase your courage by:
[1] Focusing on your strengths. This will help you to like yourself, which will result in others liking you too.
[2] Focusing on the positives in your life. Concentrate on your successes and, in the words of the old hymn, “count your many blessings, name them one by one.”
[3] Smile. It is hard to feel discouraged and down when you have a smile on your face.
Question – Are you focusing on the good things in your life?
Affirm – I will count my blessings every day.
APRIL 10
Ruling Your Moods (2)
“Fear knocked at the door, faith opened it and there was no one there.” – Chinese Proverb
Jesus told a parable about three men who were given talents. The one, because of fear, buried his and did not use it.
You must rule over your emotions or they will rule you.
Your potential will be kept locked up by the Fear Brothers:
Fear of ridicule
Fear of rebuke
Fear of rejection.
They will keep you locked up as long as you let them. The way you think gives them power.
As long as you are more concerned about what other people think of you, than what you think of yourself, you will live as a prisoner in a cell – not as royalty in a palace.
Question – Are you ready for a jail break?
Affirm – What I think of me is the all-important factor.
APRIL 9
Area Two
Ruling Your Moods (1)
“Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow but it empties today of its strength.” – John Watson
To live like a king, you need to first – Manage your
Mind.
The next area of your life you need to rule over is your moods. You mustn’t let negative emotions rule your life.
General Thomas “Stonewall” Jackson was explaining a particularly dangerous strategy to his officers. One of them interrupted:
“But, sir, I’m afraid that…” and before he got any further Jackson rebuked him.
“Young man, never take counsel of your fears.”
If you let your fears rule your life, you will never achieve your true potential.
Remember: Change your attitudes and your change your life.
Question – Are your fears ruling your life?
Affirm – I will not take counsel from my fears.
APRIL 8
Ruling Your Mind (6)
“We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world.” – Siddhartha Gautama (563–483 B.C.)
There is a Law of Life, as real as the law of gravity. It’s called…
The Law of Attraction
Imagine your mind is a camera. What you focus it on, is what it produces.
Your sub-conscious mind is like the genie in Aladdin’s lamp. It acts upon instructions and images sent to it by your conscious mind. If you constantly focus on negative thoughts, then your sub-conscious mind will set about making them a reality.
If you lack confidence, you sub-consciously give out impressions “I’m not worthy getting to know”. People pick up those signals and avoid you.
You have drawn to you what you were thinking.
Alternatively, if you focus on positive thoughts then positive things will begin to happen to you.
Question – Are you a negative or positive thinker?
Affirm – I must keep my thoughts positively focused.
APRIL 7
Ruling Your Mind (5)
“The difference between successful people and unsuccessful is one of mind, of mental outlook, of belief, of faith, of vision, of principle, of character.” – Henry Thomas Hamblin, The Fundamentals of True Success
All of the great thinkers, philosophers, psychologists, and religious leaders down through history have taught:
Principle 14 of Successful Living
Change your thinking and change your life
St Paul writing to the Romans in 56 A.D. penned these words.
“Be transformed by renewing your mind.”
William James, the founding father of American psychology, wrote in his book The Principles of Psychology (1890) this summary of his findings:
“Man alone is the architect of his destiny. The greatest discovery in our generation is that human beings, by changing their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”
If you change your thinking, particularly about yourself, you can break out of a defeated lifestyle, release your true potential, and be a success.
The only thing stopping you being a success weighs about 3 pounds (1.5 kg) and is situated between your ears and is called…
Your brain
Question – Did you know you can transform your life?
Affirm – I can change my life by changing my thinking.
APRIL 6
Ruling Your Mind (4)
“As a man thinks in his heart so is he.” – Hebrew Proverb, 10th century B.C.
There are pictures behind words. When you read or hear a word, your mind produces an image.
There is an interesting picture behind the word “thinks” in the proverb quoted above. The Hebrew word is sha’ar and this is the only time it is translated “thinks”, the other 361 times it is translated “a gate”, and twice as “a door”.
Your thought life is the door to the real you.
In ancient times the gate of a city was not only a place of access but also a place of authority. It was where the town rulers sat and evaluated everything that came in and out.
They ruled the city from the gate.
Another Hebrew proverb which sees man as a city, is:
“A man without self-control is as vulnerable as a city with broken down walls.”
Question – Are you controlling your thought life?
Affirm – I will take control of my thoughts.
APRIL 5
Ruling Your Mind (3)
“What the mind can conceive and believe in, the mind can achieve.” – W. Clement Stone
According to the laws of aerodynamics the bumble bee’s body is too large for its wings, therefore it cannot fly. Fortunately, the bee does not know the laws of aerodynamics, so it goes ahead and flies.
For over 2,000 years it had been believed that it was a physical impossibility for a man to run a mile in under four minutes. At an athletics meeting on 6 May 1954, Roger Bannister shattered that myth.
46 days after Roger Bannister broke the 4-minute mile, John Landy of Australia knocked another 1.4 seconds off Bannister’s record at Turku in Finland. Within a year, 37 other runners had broken the 4-minute mile.
The next year 300 runners had broken through the barrier. There was one race in New York where all thirteen competitors ran the mile in under four minutes.
What caused this change?
People had begun to believe that it was possible to run the mile in under four minutes, therefore they were achieving it.
Question – What do you believe you could achieve?
Affirm – All of my limitations are self-imposed.
APRIL 4
Ruling Your Mind (2)
“One of the enduring mysteries of life is that those who are successful are those who expect to be successful. Those who fail frequently do so precisely because they expect to fail.” – Dr Raj Persaud, Consultant Psychiatrist and Author
Most of the great thinkers and religious leaders down through history have noticed:
Principle 13 of Successful Living
What you believe is what you receive or achieve
Jesus put it like this: “According to your faith be it unto you.”
How often have you heard someone sneeze and then say, “I’m in for a cold.” And guess what – they had faith for it so that is what they got.
Change your beliefs and you change your life.
Question – Are you believing for good things?
Affirm – I expect to succeed.
APRIL 3
Area One
Ruling Your Mind (1)
“Rule your mind or it will rule you.” – Horace, Roman poet (1st Century BCE)
Is your will ruling your mind, or is your mind ruling your will?
Your mind is like a computer that controls an industrial complex. How the computer is programmed decides what the factory produces. This in turn will decide whether the enterprise is a success.
If your mind is badly programmed by negative thoughts and attitudes, then you will produce negativity. If, on the other hand, your mind is rightly programmed with positive information and images, then you will produce positive results and be a success.
Question – Are you controlling your mind?
Affirm – I will take control of my mind.
APRIL 2
Living as Royalty
“Grant us that we may never forget, O Lord, that every man is the son of a King.” – Jewish Hasidic Prayer
To live successfully you need to take control of your life, so that the various parts are in a proper relationship with each other. To live as royalty your will needs to be ruling over:
- Your mind
- Your moods
- Your motives
- Your money
- Your mouth
- Your morals.
When your will is in control of all of these areas you will live a fulfilled, healthy, stable, and successful life.
Question – Have you ever thought about who rules your life?
Affirm – I will live like royalty and rule my own life.
APRIL 1
Live as a King
“Self-reverence, self-knowledge, self-control. These three alone lead life to sovereign power.” – Alfred, Lord Tennyson (1809–1892)
The story is told of Frederick the Great of Prussia. He was walking one day on the outskirts of Berlin when he met an elderly man.
“Who are you?” enquired Frederick.
“I am a king,” came the reply.
“A king!” smiled Frederick, “Which kingdom do you reign over?”
“Myself,” came the dignified reply.
Your goals must include ruling over your thoughts, your emotions, your speech, your circumstances, your relationships, your time, and your money.
Question – Are you ruling over your kingdom?
Affirm – I have a kingdom to rule over.
Theme For the Month of April – Live Like Royalty
Quotation for the Month
“Men… should live all their lives like kings.” – St Paul to Romans 5:17
Map of the Month
. Ruling over your mind
. Ruling over your moods
. Ruling over your motives
. Ruling over your money
. Ruling over your mouth
. Ruling over your morals.
A Meditation for the Month
“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” – Emperor Marcus Aurelius (121–180 A.D.)
A Promise
“To him who overcomes and does my will to the end, I will give authority over the nations.” – Jesus, Revelation 2:26
A Prayer
“O God of the fathers… who created man that he should have dominion over the creatures… and rule the world …give me wisdom and send thy holy spirit from on high.” – The Wisdom of Solomon (Apocrypha)
MARCH 31
Be Yourself
“Mankind’s role is to fulfil his heaven-sent purpose through a sincere heart that is in harmony with all creation and loves all things.” – Morihei Ueshiba, Founder of Aikido
If you are going to be yourself then you need to ask yourself…
Three Basic Questions
[1] How does my thinking need to change?
. About my self-worth?
. My right to hold my own view?
. My right to make my own mistakes?
. The opinions of others?
. People pleasing?
[2] How do my feelings need to change?
. Do I feel good about myself?
. Do I feel confident?
[3] How does my behaviour need to change?
. How can I act more confidently?
Question – Are you more confident now than when you began?
Affirm – I will be myself.
MARCH 30
Know Your Limitations
“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” – Bill Cosby, American Entertainer
Principle 12 of Successful Living
Confidence isn’t given to you – You have to claim it
If your life is ruled by “What will others think?” then you will never be able to act confidently. Abraham Lincoln commented “you can’t fool all of the people all of the time.” I would add, “Neither can you please all of the people all of the time.” So you may as well do what your conscience tells you is right.
People have different personalities and priorities. So your own personality and priorities are bound to clash sooner or later.
Know your limitations. Give up trying to please everyone else and begin living your life.
Question – Who do you try to please?
Affirm – I will please God and myself.
MARCH 29
Practice Makes Perfect
“A great part of courage is having done the thing before.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
In Luke’s Gospel chapter 15, Jesus tells the Parable of the Prodigal Son, who realises what a mess he’s made of his life. He decides to return to his father, but rehearses what to say.
“I will go to my father and say…”
When you’re going into a threatening situation rehearse what you want to say. If it is with your boss, then try and act it out with your partner or a friend. Get them to throw back at you all the objections or criticisms the boss may make.
Having gone through the situation in practice, you’ll have time to think up some good replies. You will find that you are more confident when it’s the real thing.
Question – Have you ever tried rehearsing an interview?
Affirm – I will practice being more confident.
MARCH 28
Act Confident–Feel Confident
“To feel brave, act as if you were brave. . .” – Prof. William James in The Principles of Psychology (1890)
Most people tend to put the cart before the horse. They wait until they feel confident before they act confidently. The exact opposite is true. As you act confidently the feelings follow.
Body language tells other people how you feel about yourself. So, imagine you are successful and act as if it were true. Your body language will change and so will people’s reactions to you.
To Practise:
[1] Always be the first one to speak.
[2] Introduce yourself and accompany it with a compliment. For example, “Hi! My names Bob. I couldn’t help but notice your…”
[3] Follow their response with an open-ended question, such as: “We haven’t met before, tell me about yourself.”
Question – How often do you start a conversation?
Affirm – I will act more confidently in the future.
MARCH 27
Assert Yourself (9)
E = Endurance
“There is no substitute for thorough-going, ardent and sincere earnestness.” – Charles Dickens
We began our outline E.S.C.A.P.E. with Expect to succeed, but you will encounter obstacles on the way. Endurance is facing your fears and overcoming them.
To turn setbacks into stepping stones:
[1] See the Potential. This setback can teach me how to cope better in the future. Therefore, it is not to be feared.
[2] See the Worst Result, Face your fear of failure. So, if I make a fool of myself, it is not the end of the world. When Benjamin Disraeli gave his maiden speech in Parliament, it was so flowery and ornate that he was ridiculed, heckled, and jeered. He closed by saying “though I sit down now, the time will come when you will hear me.” He went on to become Prime Minister in 1868.
[3] See yourself Victorious over this problem. Imagine yourself as supremely confident and the life and soul of the party.
Question – Can you see yourself victorious over your shyness?
Affirm – Failure is the line of least persistence.
MARCH 26
Assert Yourself (6)
P = Principles to Apply
“Pray for me that I may be given boldness to speak.” – St Paul, 1st Century
Many people suffer with nerves when they first meet someone.
Six Principles to overcome N.E.R.V.E.S.
N = Never give in to your nerves or they will take over.
E = Explore others. Be a good listener. Ask open ended questions about them, and then just listen intently.
R = Remember a. Everyone is ignorant in some area; b. They are probably as nervous as you are.
V = Voice your fears. Be honest, tell them you feel nervous.
E = Energy. The chemicals that your brain releases into your body prepares it for fight or flight. If you are correctly focused, they can motivate you.
S = Stop comparing yourself. Not everyone will like you, but more will want to get to know you if you accept yourself.
Question – Does meeting new people make you nervous?
Affirm – I am worth getting to know.
MARCH 25
Assert Yourself (5)
A = Appreciate Yourself
“The true definition of self-awareness is discovering your higher self and living joyously with that higher self in command.” – Dr Wayne W. Dyer in Your Sacred Self
Without self-acceptance you’ll never enjoy your successes. John Quincy Adams was described by John F. Kennedy as holding…
“…more important offices and participating in more important events than anyone in the history of our nation… one of the most talented men ever to serve our nation.”
Yet, Adams described his life as “a succession of disappointments. I can scarcely recall a single instance of success in anything I undertook.”
He became a U.S. Senator, Harvard Professor, U.S. minister to all of the major European powers, Secretary of State, and finally President of the United States. However, because he did not accept himself, he never enjoyed his achievements.
Question – Are you enjoying your life to the full?
Affirm – I will learn to compliment myself.
MARCH 24
Assert Yourself (4)
C = Commit Yourself
“It is time for every one of us to roll up our sleeves and put ourselves at the top of our commitment list.” – Marian Wright Edelman, U.S. Attorney & Activist
You need to commit yourself to research two things.
[1] Why do I feel shy?
Get a diary or a notebook. When you feel shy or embarrassed, as yourself these four questions:
. When did you feel shy?
. Where did you feel shy?
. Who or what made you feel shy?
. Why did you feel shy? Did you feel ignorant, inferior?
[2] What can I do to overcome shyness?
If you are going into a potentially threatening situation do some preparation. Say, for example, you are going to a party. Find out who else will be there and what interests they have. You can then feel more confident to open up a conversation with them.
Question – Who, where, when, and why, do you feel shy?
Affirm – I will seek to put others at ease.
MARCH 23
Assert Yourself (3)
S = Spell Out the Rewards
“The will to be oneself is heroism.” – Ortega Y Gassett
If you’re going to develop your self-confidence, then you need to identify what the benefits will be.
Some of the rewards include:
. I will be more socially acceptable
. I will be more assertive
. I will be able to say NO to people
. I will be better at my job, therefore
. I will have better prospects for promotion
. I will live a happier and more fulfilled life.
What Must I Do?
You must be prepared to change. You must be prepared to make a fool of yourself. You must be prepared to make mistakes. You must be prepared to keep going, until you get it right.
Question – What rewards do you see if you were more confident?
Affirm – I will develop my confidence.
MARCH 22
Assert Yourself (2)
E = Expect To Succeed
“I have learned… that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavours to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” – Henry David Thoreau (1817–1862)
In the U.S. psychologist Philip Zimbardo did a survey of over 10,000 people and about 40% described themselves as shy. So, you are not alone. The people that escape from the prison of shyness have learned to climb the four steps mentioned by Thoreau in the quote above.
Step 1 – Dream of being bold and confident
Step 2 – Imagine yourself as if you were already confident
Step 3 – Endeavour to live as you imagined yourself
Step 4 – Confidence which results in Success.
Remember:
The person who wants to conduct the orchestra must turn their back on the crowd.
Question – Are you still concerned about what other people think?
Affirm – I will agree with what God thinks of me. “You are precious and honoured in my sight and I love you…” (Isaiah 43:4)
MARCH 21
Stage (3)
Assert Yourself
“Shyness – easily frightened away; difficult to approach owing to timidity… fearful of committing oneself to a particular course of action …Shrinking from self-assertion.” – Shorter Oxford Dictionary
Before you can assert yourself, you need to escape from shyness.
6 Steps to Escape from Shyness
Remember the word E.S.C.A.P.E for the six steps.
E = Expect to succeed
S = Spell out the rewards
C = Commit yourself
A = Appreciate yourself
P = Principles to apply
E = Endurance
As you practice these six steps, your confidence will grow. This will result in you being more assertive. If you wait until you feel confident you will sit there for the rest of your life.
You need to take control of your destiny.
Question – Do you need to escape from shyness?
Affirm – I will apply these six steps to my life.
MARCH 20
Accepting Yourself (10)
E = Encourage Your Ego
“Why thou cast down O my soul? …put your hope in God. For I will yet praise him.” – Psalm 42
To en-courage means literally to put courage into someone. Many people are emotionally up and down like yo-yos because they are listening to their feelings.
We need to talk to ourselves positive statements of who we are and what are our rights as human beings.
We can’t control feelings, but we can control our thoughts.
As we take control of our thoughts our feelings will follow.
Question – Are you speaking or listening to yourself?
Affirm – I will speak encouragement to myself.
MARCH 19
Accepting Yourself (9)
S = Spotlight Your Strengths
“Do not wish to be anything but what you are, and try to be that perfectly.” – St Francis De Sales
In his autobiography, Ian Botham recalls how at school he was nicknamed “Bungalow Botham” because he had nothing upstairs. He knew he did not stand a chance at an academic career, so he invested all of his energy into sport. As a result, he became one of the all-time greats at cricket. He also played football.
Principle 11 of Successful Living
Find what you do well and seek to excel at it
Some people were never keen on school but excel in vocations where they become focused and highly motivated. Many of these people are excellent at what they do.
Do not compare your weaknesses with someone else’s strengths. Always compare your strengths with their weaknesses. This will result in you seeing yourself in a positive light.
Question – Do you look at other people’s strengths?
Affirm – I will focus on my strengths.
MARCH 18
Accepting Yourself (8)
I = Integrity
“Only by doing what we ourselves consider to be right and good can we travel the royal road to self-respect.” – Dr Garth Wood in The Myth of Neurosis
The I stands for Integrity. This is another key to developing a good self-image. To act with integrity is not always easy, but psychiatrist Garth Wood writes:
“We pay a price for taking the easy way in terms of lessened self-respect and its constant partner the emotion guilt.”
If you always do what you believe to be right, then your self-esteem will automatically rise. If you are a person who always keeps your word, then other people’s respect for you will grow. This then becomes a positive cycle, and you will be able to build a strong self-esteem.
Question – Do you always follow your conscience?
Affirm – My integrity strengthens my self-image.
MARCH 17
Accepting Yourself (7)
A = Affirm Your Rights
“There is no duty we so much under-rate as being happy.” – Robert Louis Stevenson
Here is a list of some basic human rights:
[1] I have the right to make my own decisions.
[2] I have the right to hold and share my own opinion.
[3] I have the right to change my mind.
[4] I have the right to make mistakes.
[5] I have the right to be treated with respect.
[6] I have the right not to know everything.
[7] I have the right to behave the way I think right.
Project – As there are seven, write them on cards and memorise one each day of the next week.
Question – Have you been claiming these rights?
Affirm – I will memorise and claim my rights.
MARCH 16
Accepting Yourself (6)
R = Recognise Your Value
“You come of the Lord Adam and Lady Eve, and that is both honour enough to erect the head of the poorest beggar and shame enough to bow the shoulders of the greatest emperor on earth.” – Aslan in Prince Caspian by C.S. Lewis
The Greek word for human being is anthropos, which literally means “with the head held up.”
The Bible teaches that man was created in the image of God and therefore has dignity and value. This dignity was shaken in the 19th century by Charles Darwin who taught that man was nothing more than a naked ape, so man’s self-worth was undermined.
What is your value? The value of something is based upon:
- It’s rarity. You are unique and are therefore of value.
- What someone will pay for it. Jesus paid for you with his life – therefore you are of value.
- If it is treasured by someone. God says you are precious, and He loves you – therefore you’re of value.
Question – How do you value yourself?
Affirm – I agree with God: I am of value.
MARCH 15
Accepting Yourself (5)
Raise Your Self-Esteem
“This self-image becomes a golden key to living a better life.” – Dr Maxwell Maltz, Psycho-Cybernetics
Esteem comes from the same Latin word as estimate. They both mean to fix a price or value on. You need to increase the value you put on yourself.
There are five steps to Raising Your Self-Esteem. We’ll use R.A.I.S.E. as an outline.
The R is Recognise your value.
The A is Affirm your rights.
The I is Integrity.
The S is Spotlight your strengths.
The E is Encourage your ego.
Question – Are you ready to start climbing the ladder?
Affirm – I will celebrate my uniqueness.
MARCH 14
Accepting Yourself (4)
The Mirror of the Mind
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
A few years ago, I went into a hall of mirrors. My image changed with each mirror. I recognised myself in the mirror, but it was not a true likeness. I did not change, but my image did, because of the shapes of the mirrors.
Your self-image has been formed by reflections from other people. The images they have projected onto you need not be accurate or true reflections. They may have been distorted by their own personality or insecurity.
You need to challenge your self-image and build a true one.
Question – Have you got a true self-image?
Affirm – I will evaluate my self-image.
MARCH 13
Accepting Yourself (3)
Optimism
“No creature is born timid. Human beings are made timid by suggestions from external sources, people or things. These suggestions literally make the individual “conscious of self” and there his troubles begin.” – Professor William James (1842–1910), Harvard University Psychologist
Are you an optimist? Are you a positive thinker?
If you’re a pessimist, then don’t worry. You can change.
3 C’s to Build Optimism
[1] Clarify – Distinguish your conduct from your character.
You may fail in a project – but you are not a failure. You may encounter defeats – but you are not defeated.
Simply affirm that the problem was with your strategy and not with you as a person.
[2] Challenge negative thoughts and generalisations.
Listen for self-talk that are put downs, such as “you’re useless, etc.”
Listen for self-talk that begins “you’re always . . .” Challenge it and change it.
[3] Celebrate your strengths and achievements. You may have been made redundant, but don’t take all of the blame. It could be due to poor management and others protecting themselves, not you.
Affirm the things you’re good at. For example, “I’m a good husband and father. I am not a failure in everything I do.”
Question – Do you celebrate or criticise yourself?
Affirm – My life is worth celebrating.
MARCH 12
Accepting Yourself (2)
Your uniqueness
“The priority of each day should be getting in touch with who we are . . . God has made each of us a unique individual, and he wants us to become the person that he has made us to be, the best that we possibly can.” – Ian Cowley in Going Empty Handed
You are a unique person. You are different from everyone else in the world. Just as your fingerprints are unique to you, so is your genetic make-up, your skills, your experiences, your personality strengths, and your desires.
Your uniqueness means that you no longer need to compare yourself with anyone else. Your make up, background, experiences, and abilities make you unique.
To develop your uniqueness to the full you need to:
. Understand your uniqueness, then…
. Utilise your strengths, which in turn will…
. Unlock your success.
You need to be the best you that you can possibly be.
Question – Do you recognise your uniqueness?
Affirm – I was born as an original and I am unique.
MARCH 11
From Assessing To Accepting
“Through my own experience, I learned that striving for a positive mental attitude will get you nowhere unless you have the ammunition to back it up. You develop a positive mental attitude by being prepared . . . The more prepared a person is, the more positive his attitude, and therefore, the better his chances of succeeding.” – Robert J Ringer
To climb the ladder of self-esteem you use the two feet of Assessing Yourself and Accepting Yourself. You constantly need to be learning and loving more of yourself. As you discover and develop more of yourself, so you’ll increase your self-esteem and release more of your potential. This in turn will result in you being more successful.
Studying the lives of great people, shows that they:
. Have accepted themselves
. Concentrated on their strengths
Question – Do you know and accept yourself?
Affirm – I am worth getting to know.
MARCH 10
Self-Image and Confidence
“Some of your beliefs originated in your childhood, but you are not at their mercy unless you believe that you are.” – Madelyn Burley-Allen in Managing Assertively
Most people’s self-worth is based upon how they are evaluated by other people. Succeeders hold on to their own self-assessment.
Einstein’s experiences
When Albert Einstein was born his mother thought he was deformed. He was slow at learning and talking.
As a child, Albert attended the Roman Catholic Volksschule in Munich. The Headmaster told Albert’s father Hermann, “Albert will never be a success at anything.”
At Albert’s secondary school, the Lutipold Gymnasium, the Greek master’s assessment of the young Einstein was: “Nothing would ever become of him.”
The Einstein family moved to Italy, leaving Albert in Munich. This, plus his unhappiness at the Gymnasium, resulted in Albert suffering with depression and he ended up being expelled.
In the autumn of 1895, Albert sat the entrance exam for the Federal Institute of Technology at Zurich and failed to get a place. He applied the following year and was successful.
. Here was a man who had been verbally put down.
. He had been expelled from school.
. He had failed the entrance exam to a college of further education.
Yet, he believed in himself, and went on to become one of the greatest minds of all time.
Question – Are you being held back by other peoples’ opinions?
Affirm – I will accept my own assessment.
MARCH 9
Your Images and Reality
“Two men look out through the same prison bars: One sees the mud, and one the stars.” – Fredrick Langbridge (1849–1923), in A Cluster of Quiet Thoughts
Your strengths and your weaknesses are the opposite sides of the same coin; it all depends on how you look at them. Where you see mud someone else will see stars, and vice versa.
Neither time nor space permits me to give a comprehensive list. Here are a few examples:
. If you are trusting, others might think you are gullible.
. If you are imaginative, others might call you a dreamer.
. If you are practical, others might call you unimaginative.
. If you are self-confident, others might call you arrogant.
. If you hold strong views, others might call you dogmatic.
. It all depends upon knowing your personality strengths and building on them irrespective of what others might think.
Question – Had you realised that your weaknesses were your strengths in disguise?
Affirm – I will continue to focus on my strengths.
MARCH 8
Your Spiritual Image
“We are asking God that you may see things, as it were, from his point of view…” – St Paul to the Colossians
Which of the following do you think describes how God sees you?
- A miserable sinner
- His child in whom He is well pleased
- He does not know or care that I exist.
The Church has tended to focus on the sinfulness of man, rather than preaching that man is made in the image of God and therefore has dignity.
We must not minimise the importance of sin, but the Church also needs to preach that we are loved and accepted by God. The key to King Saul’s poor self-image can be found in Hosea 13:11.
“I gave you a king in my anger and took him away in my wrath.”
Saul never really knew God’s love and approval.
Question – Do you know God’s love and acceptance?
Affirm – I am accepted in Jesus.
MARCH 7
Your Social Image
“O wad some Pow’r the giftie gie us To see oursels as others see us!” – Robert Burns, Scottish Poet (1759–1796)
Our social image is how we imagine others see us. There are two problems with our social image:
Most people are too concerned with themselves to notice.
Many of us are too sensitive about what other people think.
A psychology department did an experiment. Several students went into the student’s union wearing tee shirts with the words Barry Manilow is Cool.
They felt that everyone was staring and sniggering at them.
A week later they did a survey, and very few could remember what the psychology students were wearing on the night in question.
Question – Are you over sensitive about what others think?
Affirm – What I think is all important.
MARCH 6
Your Emotional Image
“Your brain is… like a bank. Every day you make thought deposits… These grow and become your memory.” – David J. Schwartz in The Magic of Thinking Big
How you feel about yourself is the most important factor in your achieving success. If you focus on your positive emotions, then you will develop positively. If you concentrate on your negative emotions, then you will grow negatively.
By controlling what your mind is thinking about will, in turn, alter your feelings almost instantaneously.
As you invest positive thoughts and experiences into your memory bank, when you come to make a withdrawal, you will be paid out with happiness, health, and confidence.
Question – Do you focus on your positive or negative feelings?
Affirm – I will concentrate on the good things in life.
MARCH 5
Your Intelligence Image
“Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.” – Old Proverb
Your intelligence depends upon which side of your brain you have developed. The left side of the brain deals with the academic subjects like maths, logic, reading, writing, and science. The right side of the brain deals with the artistic subjects like music, shape, fantasy, and imagination.
Is your intelligence academic or artistic?
The ancient Greeks helped their children develop both sides of their brain by encouraging them to take up a “parergon”.
Parergon comes from par (meaning alongside) and ergon (meaning work). It is something to do alongside your work, or as today we would say a sideline or a hobby.
Albert Einstein who was a scientist (left brain) also played the violin (right brain).
Readers may also be aware of Dr David Hughes. Apart from being a Doctor of Medicine, he is also a very competent pianist and organist.
In literature, C.S. Lewis was an Oxford Don and an accomplished academic, yet he used his right brain to write the Chronicles of Narnia.
Lewis Carroll, author of Alice in Wonderland, was an astute mathematician.
Sherlock Holmes, created by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, used his left brain to solve crimes and his right brain to play the violin.
Developing the other side of your brain will help bring another interest into your life and help you develop a fuller life.
Question – Have you got a parergon?
Affirm – I will explore the other side of my brain.
MARCH 4
Your Body Image
“I wanted to be a blonde. My ambition was first to be a cheerleader, and then an airline stewardess – like the average girl. Then I realised that as the average girl I was a failure. So, I decided to be myself.” – Buffy Sainte-Marie (A Cree Indian)
When you see yourself naked in a mirror do you say to yourself, “You look good to me.” Or are you like the majority of people who say to themselves “I wish I was taller, thinner, that my hair was a different colour, or my bust was larger or smaller, etc.?”
Next time you hear yourself criticising your body ask yourself:
“Why do I want to be different?”
“Who says I should be thinner, etc.?”
You’ll find it’s the media who are setting the standards. What right have they got to tell you how you should look or live?
Accept yourself. Be Yourself and enjoy yourself.
Question – Do you accept your body as it is?
Affirm – I will be me, and not what others want me to be.
MARCH 3
The First Step Towards Success
“Self-esteem isn’t everything, it’s just that there’s nothing without it.” – Gloria Steinem
You may, or may not, carry photographs of loved ones in your wallet or handbag, but in your mind, you carry five pictures of yourself.
[1] How you look (your body image)
[2] How you think (your academic image)
[3] How you feel (your emotional image)
[4] How you relate to others (your social image)
[5] How you relate to God (your spiritual image).
Principle 10 of Successful Living
How you see yourself is the most important factor
The closer your internal images are to the real world, the happier and more successful you’ll be.
Question – Have you ever questioned yourself before?
Affirm – I will assess and accept myself as I am.
MARCH 2
The Key To Success
“Understanding the psychology of the self can mean the difference between success and failure, love and hate, bitterness and happiness. The discovery of the real self can rescue a crumbling marriage, recreate a faltering career, transform victims of ‘personality failure’.” – T.F. James Cosmopolitan Magazine (Jan 1959)
Probably the first words ever written on the subject of Successful Living were “Know Yourself.” They were carved into the lintel of Apollo’s Temple at Delphi, way back in the mists of antiquity.
Apollo’s Temple was the most sacred place in ancient Greece. People would travel hundreds of miles to get direction for their lives from the oracle, who prophesised there.
You don’t need a fortune teller to help you become a success, but you do need to “Know yourself”.
The three steps to building a good self-image are:
. Assess yourself
. Accept yourself
. Assert yourself
Question – How well do you know yourself?
Affirm – I will focus on knowing myself better.
MARCH 1
Is a Good Self-Image Essential?
“When you were nothing in your own eyes… did not the LORD anoint you King over Israel.” – Samuel to Saul: 1 Samuel 15:17
The Hebrew Scriptures, in the first book of Samuel, tells us about Saul the first king of Israel. He was a man who had everything going for him. He came from a well-respected family. He was popular, tall, dark, and handsome.
He only had one problem – a poor self-image. Instead of seeing himself as tall, dark, and handsome, he saw himself as tall and only handsome in the dark. His poor self-image manifested and showed itself in:
. feelings of inferiority
. self-consciousness
. people pleasing
. fear of confrontation
. jealousy of David’s popularity.
These feelings and attitudes eventually destroyed him.
Your self-image can either make or break you
Question – Is your self-image damaging your potential?
Affirm – I will learn how to build a good self-image.
Theme For the Month of March – Building a Good Self-Image
Quotation for the Month
“The truth is that you are never going to rise above the level of your self-esteem.” – Johnson and Swindley, in Creating Confidence
Map of the Month
The three steps to a good self-image
[1] Assess yourself
[2] Accept yourself
[3] Assert yourself
A Meditation for the Month
“God is working on you in order that you may no longer be a child, tossed about by every wind, a prey to external influences. He has given you your own grace, your own nature . . . your own distinctive character. You are therefore required to be yourself and not anyone else.” – Abbe Henri de Tourville, Letters of Direction (1842–1903)
A Promise
“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion…” – St Paul: Philippians 1:6
A Prayer
“But one thing we ask of thee, our God, not to cease thy work in our improvement… no matter what it means.” – Ludwig van Beethoven (1770–1827)
FEBRUARY 28
Survey Your Strategy
“He who desires but acts not, breeds pestilence.” – William Blake (1757–1827)
If you desire to succeed, but all you do is read about it, you will never achieve anything. You will destroy your optimism, your sense of self-worth, and purpose. Begin to apply today what you have learned so far. That means:
S = Stop and take stock. What are your resources?
T = Take time to dream. What would you most like to do?
R = Recognise your goals. Clarify your goals.
A = Ask the right questions. Your desires, etc.
T = Tackle one issue at a time. Smart planning.
E = Easy steps. Build a strategy of easy steps.
G = Go for it. Commit yourself wholly to it.
Y = You will succeed.
Question – Will you take the risk and live what you have learned?
Affirm – Success comes in cans, not cants.
FEBRUARY 27
You Will Succeed (2)
“May you live all the days of your life.” – Jonathan Swift, Author and Clergyman (1667–1745)
Many great men and women were born into poverty, or their education was lacking, but they knew what they wanted.
When the writer Charles Dickens was twelve years old, his parents, and the rest of his family, were sent to the debtor’s prison.
Charles worked labelling bottles in a blacking factory. At the end of a long day, he had a four mile walk back to a lonely room in Camden Town. He didn’t let this setback stop him from going on and becoming a prolific writer, narrating stories about life in Victorian London, and become a huge success.
Principle 9 of Successful Living
I’m victor over, not victim of, my circumstances.
Question – Do you see yourself as a victim or victor?
Affirm – I am a victor over my circumstances.
FEBRUARY 26
Strategy Stage 7
Y = You Will Succeed
“People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can’t find them, they make them.” – George Bernard Shaw (1856–1950)
You will succeed – How can I make such a bold claim?
I am sure you will succeed, because if you have been building your strategy as we have gone along, your life will begin to be controlled by your strategy and not by your feelings or your circumstances.
Some people do not live; they exist. They are locked into an unhappy marriage, doing a job they detest, and are never able to fulfil their potential.
What you need to do in a situation like that is change it.
If you can’t change it, then change the way you think about it. As your attitudes change, your circumstances will change.
Question – Are you living above your circumstances?
Affirm – I will live my life to the full.
FEBRUARY 25
Go for It (3)
“You’ll never plough a field by turning it over in your mind.” – Irish Proverb
In 212 B.C. 50 soldiers put one of Archimedes’ theories to the test. They used mirrors to focus the sun’s rays on a boat; after a time, it burst into flames. The theory only became reality when it was put to the test.
If you are prepared to focus all of your resources on one problem at a time you will find them disappearing before you. There’s no problem you can’t solve if you are really focused.
Question – How focused is your life?
Affirm – I am a magnifying glass that can start a fire.
FEBRUARY 24
Go For It (2)
Commit Yourself
“Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome.” – Dr Samuel Johnson (1709–1784)
By now you should have formulated a strategy. Maybe you feel apprehensive about what may happen in the future. You can’t wait until there is absolutely no risk. That is like a mother saying to her son:
“You mustn’t go near water before you have learned to swim.”
How can he learn to swim without going near water?
You need to begin applying your strategy.
Just thinking about something will never achieve anything. That is like reading a whole library of books on gardening, but never actually picking up a fork or a spade. It is only as you begin to take action that it becomes a reality.
Question – What do you need to do to make your strategy work?
Affirm – I will be whole-hearted, so that I will succeed.
FEBRUARY 23
Strategy Stage 7
G = Go For It (1)
“If you’re not actively involved in getting what you want, you don’t really want it.” – Roger and McWilliams
Just knowing what to do is not enough. You need to get excited about it. C.S. Lewis observed that looking at a map of the coast did not have the same emotional effects as standing on a headland watching the sea pounding against the cliffs.
Are you still looking at the map, or have you started to apply and live the principles we have been exploring? As you begin to experience them, they will revolutionise your life.
Question – Are you still looking at the map?
Affirm – I will stop looking and start living.
FEBRUARY 22
Strategy Stage 6
E = Easy Steps
“Yard by yard life is hard – inch by inch life’s a cinch.” – An Old Saying
Principle 8 of Successful Living
Have a Strategy of Small Steps
All problems can be overcome if you break them down into small manageable parts. If your goal is to run a mile in four minutes by this time next year, your strategy may look something like this.
Week 1 – Every day walk a mile at a brisk pace.
Week 2 – Daily run 100 yards and walk 100 yards alternating for one mile. Keep that up for the next month.
Week 6 – Run ½ mile in four minutes. Do that for the next month.
Week 10 – Run the mile in seven minutes.
And, so on, until you were running a mile in 5 minutes and gradually reduce your time until you achieved the four-minute mile target.
Question – What easy step can you take towards your goal?
Affirm – I will build my Strategy for Success.
FEBRUARY 21
Tackle One Issue at a Time (4)
Advancing – Realistic and Timed
“Know yourself and decide what you want most out of life. Then write down your goals, and plan to reach them.” – Henry Kaiser, U.S. Industrialist
This advice, on how to get the most out of your life, was given by Henry Kaiser, the successful American industrialist. There are three basic questions behind his advice.
[1] Who am I? – Know Yourself
[2] Where am I going? – Know Your Goal
[3] How do I get there? – Know Your Strategy.
To convert this advice into life goals you need to put a time scale on them. For example:
For the next month – Seek to know yourself by finding out your personality and strengths.
For month 2, spend time dreaming and discovering your life goal.
And for month 3, plan a strategy for achieving your goal.
Question – Are you prepared to work at being a success?
Affirm – If I fail to plan, I plan to fail.
FEBRUARY 20
Tackle One Issue at a Time (3)
Specific and Measurable
“Visions are road maps for the mind. They are the mark, the target towards which everything travels.” – Twyla Dell – How to Motivate People
The Bedouins had a specific palm tree they were aiming for, and they also knew when they reached it. Success is inseparably linked to having a goal that is specific and measurable.
You must be able to measure your goal so that you know when you have achieved it.
If your aim is “to be a better father”, it is neither specific nor measurable. To make it a goal you would need to frame it as:
“I’ll spend two hours every week alone with each of my children.”
You now have a specific and measurable goal. You will know if you’ve achieved it or not.
Question – Is your goal specific and measurable? If it is…
Affirm – I know where I am going.
FEBRUARY 19
Tackle One Issue at a Time (2)
“The world stands aside to let anyone pass who knows where he is going.” – David Starr Jordan
There are Five Elements of Planning a Strategy
To make it easy to recall – remember SMART planning. If we go back to our image of the Bedouins finding a palm tree on the horizon, to help them travel across the desert.
S = Specific. They found a specific palm tree to aim for.
M = Measurable. They knew when they had achieved it.
A = Advancing. They would then find another palm tree in the same direction. You need a single goal to give you an overall direction for your life. The palm trees are steps towards that life goal.
R = Realistic. This breaks their journey down into manageable stages.
T = Timed. It gives a sense of achievement and encouragement.
Question – Have you found you palm tree yet?
Affirm – I will keep seeking until I find it.
FEBRUARY 18
Strategy Stage 5
T = Tackle One Issue At a Time (1)
“I will go anywhere, so long as it is forward.” – David Livingstone (1813–1873)
This was David Livingstone’s reply when, a panel interviewing him for missionary service, asked: “Where are you prepared to go?”
He obviously was motivated; but that is not enough. If you are to succeed you also need a clear strategy.
The reason lion tamers use a chair is because the lion does not know which of the four legs to attack. This results in mental confusion and the lion becoming passive.
You need to tackle one clear goal at a time. If not, you will become like the lion, confused and passive. A goal will give you a sense of achievement, direction, and motivation.
Question – Are you confused and passive?
Affirm – I will identify which goal to tackle first.
FEBRUARY 17
Ask Yourself the Right Question (2)
“Everyone has been made for some particular work, and the desire for that work has been put in every heart.” – Rumi, A Sufi Poet (c. 1000 A.D.)
Although life is not a game of chance, the word DICE gives us the initials of the four questions of an effective strategy.
D is for Desire. What do I desire? Desire is much stronger than a wish. It has a passion for the thing it seeks. Wishes are linked to wishful thinking, fairy godmothers, and magic wands in children’s stories. Not to hard work.
I is for Information. What information do I need? This comes from answering the three questions. Who am I? What do I want? And, How do I get it?
C is for Change. Am I prepared to change? This is where you have to play your part. If you answer the questions but do nothing with the answers, then there will be no change in your life. Change is part of life.
E is for Expectations. What am I expecting to happen? Some people expect someone else to do it all for them. Addressing the House of Commons on the 13 May 1940, Winston Churchill said: “I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat.” Success always has a cost.
Question – Will you pay the toll to reach your goal?
Affirm – I’ll do what I need to succeed.
FEBRUARY 16
Strategy Stage 4
A = Ask Yourself the Right Questions
“It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.” – Anthony Robbins
Awaken the Giant Within. So far in our S.T.R.A.T.E.G.Y we have looked at:
S = Stop and take stock
T = Take time to dream
R = Recognise your goals
We now come to:
A = Ask yourself the right questions.
There are three basic questions that will shape your destiny.
. What are your values?
. What will you focus on?
. What will you do about it?
These three questions are like steps. Your values will decide what you will focus on, and what you focus on will influence what you do about it, and therefore your destiny.
Charles Reade wrote:
“Sow an act, and you reap a habit. Sow a habit, and you reap a character. Sow a character, and you reap a destiny.”
Unless you know your values, strengths, and goals, you will never be a success. On a new page in your wellbeing journal, write down your five most important values.
Question – Are you focusing on the right things?
Affirm – I will build on my strengths.
FEBRUARY 15
Recognise Your Goals (6)
“Success is the satisfactory accomplishment of a goal sought for.” – Noah Webster’s dictionary
When Bedouins are travelling across a desert, they find a palm tree on the horizon, and head towards it. This prevents them from wandering around, and therefore gets them to their goal quicker. This works, not only in the desert, but also in life.
Yale University asked its graduates what were their goals?
. 3% Wrote down specific goals
. 10% Spoke in broad terms about their aims
. 87% Did not bother.
Twenty years later Yale did a survey and found that the 3% who had written down specific goals had achieved more with their lives than all the other 97% combined.
Setting goals that will succeed means:
[1] Looking for the right thing
[2] In the right place
[3] At the right time.
Question – Have you clarified your goal yet?
Affirm – I know my goal, it is…
FEBRUARY 14
Recognise Your Goals (5)
“Before we set our hearts too much upon anything, let us examine how happy those are, who already possess it.” – Author Unknown
In the Hebrew Scriptures, in the Book of Ecclesiastes, King Solomon recounts his search for fulfilment.
As a king he had power and wealth, but these did not bring him satisfaction. He therefore began to develop his mind, and acquired great knowledge and wisdom, but this also failed to bring him contentment.
He turned next to building great and beautiful homes with landscape gardens and vineyards. He still felt empty, so he turned to pleasure. With his vast wealth, he could afford anything his heart desired. He had 700 wives and 300 mistresses, but still he failed to find the fulfilment he was seeking.
So, he had tried money, power, knowledge, luxurious homes, lust, sex and pleasure, but was still not satisfied.
Question – Where are you looking for success?
Affirm – I will find true success.
FEBRUARY 13
Recognise Your Goals (4)
“When you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.” – An Old Saying
A farmer was teaching his son how to plough a straight furrow.
“Son, you find a marker, focus on it, and drive straight for it.”
The son tried, but the furrows ended up like a snake going across the field.
“What did you focus on son?” asked the farmer.
“The horse in the next field dad.”
Principle 7 of Successful Living
What You Focus on Decides What You’ll Become
We need to know the answer to two questions: What are my gifts? And, What are my goals?
When your gifts and your goals are in harmony then you are on the road to success.
Question – Have you identified your gifts and your goals?
Affirm – My life goal is…
FEBRUARY 12
Recognise Your Goals (3)
Write Your Own Epitaph
“I used to want the words ‘She tried’ on my tombstone. Now I want ‘She did it’.” – Katherine Dunham, U.S. Dancer and Choreographer
Take your eulogies from yesterday, and condense them into a single sentence which you would like to be the epitaph on your gravestone.
Writing your epitaph will give you a long-range perspective on your life. This will help you develop your plans and priorities, so that your life has a sense of purpose. This means you are not controlled by your circumstances, and limp from one crisis to another.
Someone commented, there is only one major question about your life and that is the quest-i-on?
The quest your life is on must be in harmony with three things:
. Your abilities
. Your self-image
. Your belief that it is achievable.
I can’t remember where I read these words:
“Dreams only become reality when they are in harmony with the self-image.”
Question – If you wanted your life summed up in a sentence on your tombstone what would you want it to be?
Affirm – I want my epitaph to read…
FEBRUARY 11
Recognise Your Goals (2)
Write Your Own Eulogy
“You may be whatever you resolve to be.” – Thomas Jonathan “Stonewall” Jackson (1824–1863)
Imagine you are an onlooker at your own funeral. There are four speakers who will share what type of person you were to them. They are:
. A member of your family
. A colleague from work
. A friend you knew socially
. Someone from your faith group.
Sit down with four blank sheets of paper and write what you would like each of them to say about you. This will help you get in touch with your values and priorities.
Question – Are you prepared to take the time?
Affirm – I will get in touch with my values and priorities.
FEBRUARY 10
Strategy Stage 3
R = Recognise Your Goals
“Climb high, climb far. Your goal the sky, your aim the star.”
These words, inscribed on the Hopkins memorial at Williams College in the U.S., tell us a vital truth about setting goals. You aim for a star.
3 Stages to S.E.T. your Goals
S = Star goal. Write down your dream. If time, talent, and training were not needed, what would you most love to achieve? For example, write a book that would be a bestseller. Or it might be to try and help others in the best way you can.
E = Energising goal. Something that you could possibly achieve in the future, that will motivate you. For example, having an article published.
T = Today goal. For example, to purchase a new laptop with more modern software facilities. Buy a book on creative writing. Enrol on a course for writers. Give three evenings a week to writing.
Question – What is your goal for today?
Affirm – I will reach for my star.
FEBRUARY 9
Take Time To Dream (2)
Prioritise
“We need time to dream, time to remember, and time to reach the infinite. Time to be.” – Gladys Taber (1899–1980)
Take your sheets of paper and formulate some priorities. Which is the most important goal in each category:
. Personal Development
. Home/Family
. Career.
Now think which of these three goals is the most important for your life at the present time.
Don’t put it off or procrastinate. Begin now to work on a properly constructed strategy. Don’t be like Somerset Maugham, who towards the end of his life, wrote these words in his autobiography The Summing Up:
“When I have finished this book, I shall know where I stand. I can afford then to do what I choose with the years that remain to me.”
Don’t wait until you retire or are of pensionable age to decide what to do with the rest of your life. This is not a rehearsal, it’s the real thing. To wait until you retire is like an orchestra tuning up after a concert or going on a journey without knowing your destination.
Question – Have you worked out your goal yet?
Affirm – I will bring focus into my life.
FEBRUARY 8
Strategy Stage 2
Take Time to Dream (1)
“Take time to dream – it is hitching your wagon to a star.” – Part of an Old Irish Prayer
You not only need to Stop and Take Stock, but also Take Time to Dream. Where would you like to be in 5 years’ time?
You need to stretch yourself. Your dream must be high enough to inspire you but low enough to encourage you. If you set an impossible goal, it will discourage you, and you’ll give up through cynicism.
Take a sheet of paper and write down everything you would love to do or achieve:
What would you do if you won the lottery and became a millionaire? Or you were told you only had six months to live?
How do today’s answers relate to yesterdays.
Are any of the aim’s contradictory? For example, Personal Development – study for a further qualification. Home and Family – spend more time with the family. Career – spend more time at the office.
You can’t achieve all three. Something must go or adapt.
Question – What do you dream of being and doing?
Affirm – I will strive to be the best I can be.
FEBRUARY 7
Stop and Take Stock (2)
What is Right for You?
“Why not spend some time determining what is right for us, and then go after that?” – Lord Ross of Marnock (1911–1988)
Take three blank sheets of paper.
On the top of one write Personal Strengths and Development.
On the top of the next write Home and Family.
On top of the third write Career and Work.
Having relaxed your body and your mind as much as possible, begin to think about these three areas of your life.
Ask yourself. In what areas am I discontented? Write down where things could be better. Writing them down is important because it makes you clarify them in your mind and puts them into focus.
Ask yourself. How could I improve these situations if I made an effort?
Ask yourself. What would I like to achieve in My Personal Development? My Home and Family? My Career? Write them on the appropriate sheet of paper.
Question – Have you written your list?
Affirm – I will make the effort to bring about change.
FEBRUARY 6
S = Stop and Take Stock
“Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it?” – Jesus
To “take stock” came into the English Language from the Viking word stok – the main part of a tree. Before winter set in, a man would “take stock” to see if he had enough firewood to last through until spring. Before you venture forth on the road to success you need to take stock of the resources you have at your disposal.
Your stock consists of:
Your abilities, your time, your energy, and your money.
On an advertising poster, I once saw the words: “Our eyes make the horizon”.
The majority of people underestimate their capabilities. If they only took time to dream, they could achieve far more.
The great Michaelangelo often used this prayer:
“LORD grant that I may always desire more than I can accomplish.”
Question – Will you channel your resources into being a success?
Affirm – I will focus all my resources on succeeding.
FEBRUARY 5
Spelling Out a Strategy
“There is a past which is gone forever, but there is a future which is still our own.” – F.W. Robertson
You have a future which is still yours to possess. Don’t just drift through life, seize your destiny.
Remember, from the opening theme and map of the month, there are eight stages in developing a strategy. I will use the word strategy as an acronym and as an outline.
S = Stop and take stock
T = Take time to dream
R = Recognise your goals
A = Ask the right questions
T = Tackle one issue at a time
E = Easy steps
G = Go for it
Y = You will succeed
Question – Are you prepared to work at developing a strategy?
Affirm – My life needs to be focused.
FEBRUARY 4
Why Don’t People Have a Strategy?
“The first step towards success is to decide what you want.” – Burnstein
There are three groups of people who don’t make strategies:
[1] Those who don’t know the power of having a strategy
[2] Those who don’t know the process for making a strategy
[3] Those who fear they may fail to achieve their goals.
You now know the importance of having a strategy and the power it can release into your life.
I will be sharing with you the process of how to develop a clear strategy.
So that only leaves you one alternative for not having a strategy – fear of failure.
Question – Are you afraid you might fail?
Affirm – I can be what I resolve to be.
FEBRUARY 3
The Power of Priorities
“I pray for you that you may increase in knowledge and all-round discernment to distinguish what really matters.” – St Paul to the Philippians (AD 64)
Having a clear strategy helps you distinguish what really matters. Many people live their lives going from one crisis to another. Having a strategy helps put things into perspective.
During the second world war the late C.S. Lewis was lecturing to his students. He suddenly stopped and challenged them with this question:
“How can you go to college and study literature when London is under siege?”
He then answered his own question with these words:
“We are always under siege. The real question is: Will you spend your life dealing with the immediate or eternal?”
You need to begin to develop a strategy for your success; so that you can know what you want from life and where you are going.
Question – Are you driving your life or is it drifting?
Affirm – Today I …(name) take control of the rest of my life.
FEBRUARY 2
Why Have a Strategy? (2)
Three Reasons
“He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how.” – Friedrich Nietzsche, German philosopher (1844–1900)
Why have a strategy for your life? There are three main reasons:
[1] It Releases Purpose into your Life. Studies have shown that your subconscious mind is a goal seeking mechanism which is controlled by your conscious mind. Therefore, as you set a specific goal for your life, your subconscious mind begins to make it a reality. This then brings us to point Number 2.
[2] It Releases Power into your Life. As you now know what you are aiming for, then it will release motivation and energy into your life.
[3] It Releases Priorities into your Life. Your priorities can be evaluated in the light of your strategy. This will mean that your life is controlled by your strategy and not by your circumstances.
Question – Are you responding to your circumstances?
Affirm – I need clear priorities for my life.
FEBRUARY 1
Why Have a Strategy? (1)
“A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.” – Lao-tzu (6th century B.C.)
To have a strategy is like going on a journey. On a journey you will need to know:
. Where you’re going
. Your means of transport, and
. The route you’ll take.
Most successful people have a clear strategy for their life. One such person was Robert Dick Wilson who was professor of Semitic Philology at Princeton Theological Seminary. Philology is the branch of knowledge that deals with the structure, historical development, and relationships of a language or languages. As a student he decided he had 45 years left to achieve something with his life.
He divided his life up into three segments of 15 years. The first 15 years, he would study languages. He became conversant in 26 languages during that time. He later knew 45 languages and dialects.
The second 15 years he spent studying Biblical texts in the original languages. And, in the final 15 years, he spent writing his findings.
Principle 6 of Successful Living
Have a Clear Plan For Your Life
Question – Do you have a clear plan for your life?
Affirm – I will develop a strategy for my life.
Theme For the Month of February – A Strategy for Success
Quotation of the Month
“No horse gets anywhere till he’s harnessed; no steam or gas drives anything until it’s confined; no Niagara ever turned anything into light or power until it is tunnelled, no life ever grows great until focused, dedicated and disciplined.” – Harry Emerson Fosdick (1878–1969)
Map of the month
STRATEGY
S = Stop and take stock
T = Take time to dream
R = Recognise your goals
A = Ask the right questions
T = Tackle one issue at a time
E = Easy steps
G = Go for it
Y = You will succeed
A Meditation for the Month: An Old Irish Prayer
“Take time to work – it is the price of success.
Take time to think – it is the source of power.
Take time to play – it is the secret of perpetual youth.
Take time to read – it is the foundation of wisdom.
Take time to be friendly – it is the road to happiness.
Take time to dream – it is hitching your wagon to a star.
Take time to love and be loved – it is the privilege of the Gods.
Take time to look around – the day is too short to be selfish.
Take time to laugh – it is the music of the soul.”
A Promise
“Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him to help you do it and he will.” – Psalm 37:5
A Prayer
“O LORD, make the way plain before me.
Let thy glory be my end,
thy Word my rule:
and then, thy will be done. Amen.” – King Charles I of England
JANUARY 31
Start Your Revolution Today
“If I’m not for myself,
Who will be for me?
If not this way, how?
If not now, when?”
– The Song of the Partisan
At a protest meeting in Romania, a piece of paper was circulated around the crowd. Based upon the Song of the Partisan, its asked three foundational questions:
[1] If not us, who?
[2] If not this way, how?
[3] If not now, when?
These questions inspired the crowd. The result was the December uprising of 1989, which saw the overthrow of the dictatorial Ceausescu regime and brought freedom to a nation.
Question – Ask yourself the three questions in the Song of the Partisan and let them motivate you into bringing about your own personal revolution.
Affirm – Today my resolution became a revolution.
JANUARY 30
When Will I Begin To Succeed (3)?
When I Seize My Destiny
“Control your own destiny, or someone else will.” – Jack Welch, CEO of General Electrics
As you stand at the dawn of the rest of your life, you have three choices as to who or what controls your life.
You Can Stand Still. Continue to buy your lottery tickets and hope that Lady Luck will be kind to you, and you will win the jackpot. This means that you are controlled by fate. The odds are at least 269,230 to 1 that in a year’s time you will still be in the same place.
You Can Go with the Flow. This is an easy option; even dead fish can do it. It means that your destiny is controlled by your circumstances, and you could end up anywhere. One thing is certain: you will never be a success, just average.
Alternatively, You Can Take Control of Your Destiny.
If you want to be a success, this is the only real option.
Principle 5 of Successful Living
Take Control of Your Life
Question – Who or what controls your destiny?
Affirm – Today, I take control of my destiny.
JANUARY 29
When Will I Begin To Succeed (2)?
When I Stop Making Excuses
“Procedure One… in your individual programme of thinking yourself to success, must be to vaccinate yourself against excusitis, the disease of the failures.” – David J. Schwartz
Two common symptoms of excusitis are waiting for your luck or circumstances to change? Waiting for things like:
. Winning the lottery
. The children to grow up or leave home
. To inherit from your parents
. To complete your education.
These are all excuses – you can start being a success today.
Question – Are you using any excuse?
Affirm – Every day I’m getting nearer to being a success.
JANUARY 28
Question 5
When Will I Begin To Succeed?
“When will the transformation begin? The moment you decide to change.” – Jim Hartness & Neil Eskelin: The 24 Hour Turn-Around
Change works from the inside out.
Change begins with a desire “I want to be different.”
Change is activated by a decision “I will change.”
Change is maintained by a determination to be more successful.
As you continue to focus your thinking on becoming the person you want to be, the change begins to take place in your thought, emotions, and actions.
The turning point in this whole process is when you decide to change. You can read all the books in the world on How To Be a Success, but only as you apply them will you begin to see a change take place in your life.
Question – What are you waiting for?
Affirm – I will succeed.
JANUARY 27
Endeavour To Excel
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.” – Aristotle, 4th century BCE
Successful people are always looking for better ways of doing things. They do not subscribe to the “If it’s working, leave it alone” school of thought.
An example of this principle was the young boy who sold newspapers around a market. Other boys in the vicinity were in competition so he only sold a few.
He decided to start earlier than the other boys so that he could sell more. After about 30 minutes of starting the other boys were there and so he was still not selling enough. He soon realised, that taking the money and giving change back to the customers was taking up a lot of his time. The next morning, he decided to apply a different approach. Arriving early, he went round each stall leaving them a newspaper and said, “I’ll be back in a while for the money.” He sold all of his newspapers.
Within a week the other boys gave up. He cornered the market.
Question – Are you constantly seeking to excel?
Affirm – I’m living my life to the best of my ability.
JANUARY 26
Learners Not Losers
“To make no mistakes is not in the power of man; but from their errors and mistakes the wise and good learn wisdom for the future.” – Plutarch, Greek historian, and philosopher (46–120 AD)
Principle 4 of successful living
See Life as Lessons to be Learned
Keats suggested that “failure is, in a sense, the highway to success, inasmuch as every discovery of what is false leads us to seek earnestly after what is true.”
This principle was behind the success of Thomas Edison, who made around 2,000 attempts at a light bulb before he found one that worked. He did not see them as failures but as a means of learning what did not work. Therefore, he needed to try an alternative method.
You are unlikely to go through life and succeed in everything you do. What you can do is learn by your unsuccessful experiences and endeavours. Remember these wise words from O.T. Avery:
“Every time you fall down, pick something up.”
Question – Are you like Edison?
Affirm – I am a learner not a loser.
JANUARY 25
Persistent
“For the resolute and determined there is always time and opportunity.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803–82)
Abraham Lincoln’s father was indolent, so the family was poor. His mother died when he was about nine years old. A year later Abraham slept in a bed for the first time. Previously he had always slept on the floor.
At the age of 21 he stood for the legislature and was defeated, so he bought a store but went bankrupt.
In 1834, he was elected to the legislature, but the following year his sweetheart died, and he declared bankruptcy for a second time, which resulted in him having a nervous breakdown.
Between 1838 and 1858 he suffered another seven political defeats.
In 1860 he was elected President and led his country through the trauma of the Civil War and is now regarded as one of America’s all-time great leaders.
Here was a man born in poverty, who had a nervous breakdown, two bankruptcies, and at least eight political defeats to hold him back; yet he did not allow those events to stop him. He lived each day to the full. He focused on his potential and not his problems.
This gave him the courage to persist and overcome the obstacles.
Question – What is holding you back from being a success?
Affirm – Failures are what I do, not who I am.
JANUARY 24
Open To Opportunities
“Too often, the opportunity knocks, but by the time you push back the bolt, unhook the two locks and shut off the burglar alarm, it’s too late.” – Rita Coolidge
An Italian was washing up at one of the most prestigious hotels in London. He observed how the rich dressed and the jewellery they wore. He then used his hard-earned money to import high class leatherware from his native Italy. He went on to build a chain of shops around the world. His name – Gucci.
Here was a man who saw an opportunity and took it.
The Chinese word for crisis is formed from a combination of two pictures – one is danger, the other is opportunity. It all depends on whether you focus on the dangers and let the fear paralyse you; or you concentrate on the opportunities and let them inspire and motivate you.
Question – Is your need for security preventing you succeeding?
Affirm – I will focus on and develop my opportunities.
JANUARY 23
Envisioned
“A man’s dreams are an index of his greatness.” – Zadok Rabinowitz
Successful people have a clear goal for their life.
Vision channels and inspires people to achieve great things. You need to dream of what you could be, so that you can work out a strategy to develop your true potential.
In the musical, South Pacific, there is a song called Happy Talk which contains these profound words:
“Talk about things you’d like to do, If you don’t have a dream, How you gonna have a dream come true?”
Question – Do you have a vision for your life?
Affirm – I will be the best I can be.
JANUARY 22
Positive Thinkers
“I am where I am because I believe in all possibilities.” – Whoopi Goldberg, Actress
Successful people concentrate upon their strengths and not their weaknesses. This results in them having a healthy self-respect. A healthy self-respect gives them the confidence to take control of their lives and circumstances and achieve their potential.
You can control your thoughts. Therefore, you can control your destiny.
The most powerful weapon you have at your disposal is your thinking. Change your thinking and you change your world.
Question – Are you a positive thinker?
Affirm – I am good at … (list them)
JANUARY 21
Question 4
How and Why do People Succeed?
“When the wrong man uses the right means, even the right means go wrong.” – Taoist proverb
Success is not just a series of techniques but is a whole life-style.
Books on successful living have been written for over 200 years. For the first 150 years the emphasis was on the character of the person. Since the second world war, the focus has changed to techniques and projecting an image.
Yet, if we take the Taoist proverb seriously, then it is not just using the right means but being the right person.
The people who succeed personify six characteristics.
We will use people as an outline and as an acronym.
P = Positive thinkers
E = Envisioned
O = Open to opportunities
P = Persistent
L = Learners not losers
E = Endeavour to excel
Question – Which of these characteristics do you need?
Affirm – I will develop all of these strengths.
JANUARY 20
Finally, D = Direct Their Lives
“I looked up the road I was going and back the way I come, and since I wasn’t satisfied, I decided to step off the road and cut me a new path.” – Annie Johnson
The D of S.U.C.C.E.E.D = They direct their lives.
Maya Angelou tells the story of Annie Johnson. Annie, in 1903, had a disastrous marriage, two toddler sons, little literacy or numeracy skills, and was black. Her husband left her and so she needed to make some money.
Near the town where she lived there was a cotton gin and a sawmill. She prepared herself well and set up a brazier outside the factories and cooked pies at lunch time.
She split her time between them until she had built up enough money and demand for her pies. She then opened a shop, midway between the two workplaces, and had a thriving business.
Question – What direction is your life going in?
Affirm – I decide where my life will end up.
JANUARY 19
E = Enthusiastic
“The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.” – Ferdinand Foch
The second E in succeed is enthusiasm. Walter P. Chrysler, the motor vehicle manufacturer, when asked to give the secret of success, listed various qualities but claimed the real secret was enthusiasm. He then added:
“Yes, more than enthusiasm, I would say excitement. I like to see men get excited. When they get excited, they get the customers excited, and we get business.”
In How I Raised Myself from Failure to Success in Selling Frank Bettger tells how he learned this secret:
“When I force myself to act enthusiastic, I soon feel enthusiastic.”
Enthusiasm comes as you control your feelings, rather than letting your feelings control you. As you act enthusiastically the feelings will follow.
Principle 3 of Successful Living
Act Yourself into a New Way of Thinking
The word enthusiasm comes from the Greek en theos in God. It means to be possessed or inspired by God.
Question – Who or what possesses or inspires you?
Affirm – I will act enthusiastically.
JANUARY 18
E = Express Themselves
“Novels are… useful… if they teach you the secret that the best of life is conversation, and the greatest success is confidence.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803–1882)
Communication skills are an essential part of successful living. In marriage, communication is the life blood of true love.
In family life, communication imparts to children a sense of self-worth and belonging.
In your career communication is essential. The Carnegie Institute of Technology studied 10,000 people. They estimated only 15% of their success was due to their brain and skill. The other 85% was their ability to relate to other people.
Communication is important.
Question – How good are your communication skills?
Affirm – I accept myself and God accepts me. Therefore, I am not afraid to talk to others.
JANUARY 17
C = Confidence
“No one can be myself like I can. For this job I am the best man.” – Chesney Hawkes, Singer
Your ultimate goal is to be the best you that you can possibly be. Martin Buber, the great Jewish philosopher, and theologian had a dream one night. He was standing before the throne on judgement day and God said to him:
“Martin Buber, I do not ask why you were not Moses or one of the great rabbis of history, all I ask is why you were not Martin Buber.”
You need to be the best you that you can possibly be.
Be Yourself and Be a Success
Success depends upon you having the confidence to be yourself.
As you know your strengths, you can develop a strategy to release your full potential. This whole process is dependent upon you being totally honest with yourself.
Question – Are you prepared to evaluate yourself?
Affirm – I will face myself in the mirror and rejoice.
JANUARY 16
C = Coping Skills
“Life is not the way it’s supposed to be. It’s the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.” – Virginia Satir, Family Therapist
The Jewish psychiatrist Viktor E. Frankl endured the horrors of Auschwitz for three years. He had his status, his family, his clothes, and finally his wedding ring taken from him. Whilst standing there, literally stripped of everything he concluded that:
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to chose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
We live in a rapidly changing world. Those who succeed have learned to handle every situation. They can cope with a crisis, change, problems, set-backs, criticism, decision making, and social situations, without getting stressed or perturbed.
Each day you’ll be learning more coping skills so that, like Dr Frankl, you will be able to cope with life.
Question – What is the biggest problem you will face today?
Affirm – I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
JANUARY 15
U = Understanding
“You don’t need a professional background in counselling and a doctorate in the helping professions to understand the principles of effective living.” – Dr. Wayne W Dyer – Your Erroneous Zones
These words introduce us to the U of Succeed which is:
Understanding
Succeeders understand the principles of successful living.
To live a safe and healthy life you need to know the laws of nature, like gravity and hygiene. To live a fulfilled and successful life you need to understand the laws or principles of effective living.
These laws, just as real as the laws of nature, only help you if you obey them. They are essential to being a success.
Question – How effectively are you living?
Affirm – Every day I will live more effectively.
JANUARY 14
S = Self Esteem
“A joyful self-acceptance, a good self-image, and a sense of self-celebration, are the bedrock beginning of the fountain that rises up into the fullness of life.” – John Powell S.J. in Fully Human Fully Alive
Successful people have a good self-image. This gives them the confidence to pursue their dreams and cope with setbacks.
Back in 1960, Dr Maxwell Maltz, a plastic surgeon, wrote a book called Psycho-Cybernetics. He discovered that changing a person’s outward appearance by plastic surgery only helped them if their inner self-image changed.
As you learn to accept and celebrate yourself, you will begin to live a fuller and more successful life.
Question – Do you find self-celebration embarrassing?
Affirm – I’m made in the image of God, so I’m of value.
JANUARY 13
Question 3
Who are the People Who Succeed?
“A happy person is not a person with a certain set of circumstances but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.” – Hugh Downs
Succeeders have seven characteristics. To make them easier to remember and recall, I have used the acronym Succeed as an outline:
S = Self esteem
U = Understanding
C = Coping skills
C = Confidence
E = Express themselves
E = Enthusiastic
D = Direct their lives
“We are what we make of ourselves and not what circumstances make us.” – Emile Coue (1857–1926)
You can learn how to develop all of these characteristics and as you do, you’ll become more successful.
Question – Which ones do you need to work on?
Affirm – Every day I am succeeding more.
JANUARY 12
Question 2 – What is Success?
“There is only one success – to be able to spend your life in your own way.” – Christopher Morley
The Sanskrit word Dharma means “the essential characteristic”.
According to Doug Hooper, in his excellent book You Are What You Think, your Dharma is described as the best you as an individual are capable of doing, becoming, or being. Your Dharma will be different from everyone else’s because your abilities, opportunities, and resources, are unique to you.
Principal 2 of Successful Living
Success is being the best that you can be.
You don’t need to compare yourself with anyone. The only person you are competing against is yourself.
Question – Do you know your abilities and strengths?
Affirm – I will develop my strengths.
JANUARY 11
Succeedersville
“The greatest achievement of the human spirit is to live up to one’s opportunities and make the most of one’s resources.” – The Marquis de Vauvenargues, French moralist, and soldier (1715–47)
A group of tourists was visiting a picturesque village. As they walked past an elderly resident leaning on his gate, one of the tourists asked:
“Were any great people born in the village?”
“None,” replied the old man, “only babies”.
You were born with potential. Success comes as you develop it.
The ancient Greeks based their education upon “know now yourself.” They taught their young people how to recognise and develop their potential. In brief – how to be a success.
You can learn how to fulfil your potential
Question – Are you going to learn how to succeed?
Affirm – I will focus on learning the right things.
JANUARY 10
The Survivors
“Nothing splendid was ever achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside them was superior to circumstance.” – Bruce Barton
When the Strugglers have defeated their problems, they move on down the road to Survivorsville.
The Survivors have coped with the problems that life has thrown at them, but they are still not feeling satisfied or fulfilled.
If you’re living in Survivorsville, you may have a comfortable life-style with no major storm clouds on your horizon.
The big question is: “Are you satisfied?”
Question – Why settle for the good when you could have the best?
Affirm – out loud. I… (name) deserve the best.
JANUARY 9
The Strugglers
“The pathway to glory is rough and many gloomy hours obscure it.” – Chief Black Hawk
The next place we come to down Success Road is where the Strugglers live. They have not lost hope. They’re still wrestling with problems in their relationships, finances, or circumstances.
Most of the people in Successville passed through Strugglesville.
Their secret? They didn’t stay there. They learned how to defeat their problems and live victoriously.
The apostle Paul, writing to the Church at Rome, gives a list of many of the problems we all face; but he ends it by saying:
“In all things we are more than conquerors.”
Question – Do you see life as a struggle?
Affirm – out loud. I… (name) can succeed.
JANUARY 8
The Submitted
“Do not pray for easy lives: pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks.” – Phillips Brooks, U.S. Episcopal Bishop (1835–93)
The submitted have “Given In” to their experiences and circumstances. They are totally disillusioned with life. I once heard the late Norman Vincent Peale, author of The Power of Positive Thinking, tell this story.
He was wandering around Kowloon, when he noticed a tattoo parlour with a motif “Born to Lose” displayed in the window. He went into the shop and asked the owner:
“Do people have ‘Born to Lose’ tattooed on their bodies, and if so, why?”.
The Chinaman thought for a moment, and replied in broken English:
“It first tattooed on mind, then on body”.
Question – Does this describe how you see yourself?
Affirm – I’m heading on down the road towards success.
JANUARY 7
The Road To Success
Question 1 – Where Are You?
“Not I – Not anyone else, can travel that road for you. You must travel it for yourself.” – Walt Whitman (1819–1892)
According to the Bible, the first question in history was when God asked Adam, “Where are you?”
On the road to success, the first question you need to ask yourself is “Where am I?”
In times past, I went on helicopter flights, and each time had a bird’s eye view of where roads and rivers went and the different towns and villages they passed through. For those who wish to embark on the road to success, I would like to take you on a helicopter ride. So, let’s look at the geography:
. Furthest away from Succeedersville is Submittedville, whose residents have given up any hope of succeeding.
. The next town is Strugglesville, where the inhabitants are still struggling with their problems.
. The third town we fly over is Survivorsville where people live who have defeated their problems but are still not satisfied.
. At the end of the road is Succeedersville.
Question – Where are you on the road to success?
Affirm – The important thing is not where I am; but the direction I’m going. [Remember: say out loud because it has more impact on you]
JANUARY 6
Six Foundational Questions
“I keep six honest serving-men (They taught me all I knew); Their names are What and Why, and When and How and Where and Who.” – Rudyard Kipling (1865–1936)
These are the basic questions. As you apply them to the subject of success, they will clarify your understanding of what it is and how to achieve it. You will avoid climbing the wrong walls.
On your journey down The Road to Success you need to know:
[1] Where you are starting from
[2] What is success?
[3] Who are the people that succeed?
[4] How or Why did they succeed?
[5] When will I succeed?
Question – have you asked yourself these questions?
Affirm – Each day I will learn more about being a success.
JANUARY 5
Why Ask The Right Basic Questions?
“Disillusion (n) climbing to the top of the ladder and discovering you have leaned it against the wrong wall.” – Colin Bowles, Wit’s Dictionary
Why ask the right questions?
Answer: To avoid becoming disillusioned.
Edward De Bono, as a university freshman, wanted to return to the halls of residence after lights out. An older student told him how to gain access through the back garden.
Edward followed the instructions. Down the side street he climbed the wall into next door’s garden. Across the garden was another wall, which should get him into the halls of residence garden. Edward climbed it, only to find himself back in the street.
The moral of the story. Being good at climbing walls does not mean that you’re climbing the right walls to achieve your objective or goal.
Asking the right questions helps identify the right walls.
Question – Are you climbing the right walls?
Affirm – I’ll find the right walls.
JANUARY 4
Ask The Right Questions
“Alexander the Great, the most powerful man of his day…” – Roger & McWilliams
Alexander was one of the most successful military leaders in history, so he was called ‘The Great’. Within 15 years he had conquered all of Greece, defeated the Persian Empire, took over Egypt and built an empire that reached the Punjab in India.
What Was The Secret of His Success?
Alexander was tutored by the philosopher Aristotle, who taught him to apply this important principle:
“Those who wish to succeed must ask the right foundational questions.”
Principle 1 of Successful Living
. Ask the Right Basic Questions
Question – What are the right questions?
Affirm – I… (name) will ask the right questions.
JANUARY 3
Head in the Clouds or Clouds in the Head?
“Men were born to succeed, not to fail.” – Henry David Thoreau (1817–1862)
When I first read this statement by Thoreau I was puzzled. The issue was this: if men were born to succeed and everyone wants to succeed, then why do so few achieve it?
My initial reaction was that Thoreau must have been a mystic with his head in the clouds. Later, I found that he was under no illusions about life because he also wrote:
“The mass of men live lives of quiet desperation.”
After much study, I came to this conclusion. The reason so few people succeed is because they have…
…Clouds in Their Heads
They don’t understand or apply the principles of success.
Question – Do you know what success is and how to achieve it?
Affirm – I… (insert your name) was born to succeed. [Say out loud to yourself, several times a day]
JANUARY 2
Learning From History
“What experience and history teach is this – that people and governments never have learned anything from history or acted on principles deduced from it.” – G. W. F. Hegel, German philosopher (1770–1831)
History is full of examples of people who discovered how to live successfully. I hope that you, too, will follow in their footsteps and both learn and live the principles I will be sharing with you.
In the second century B.C. the Roman writer Publius Terentius gave this good advice:
“Draw from others the lesson that may profit yourself.”
If you’re looking for a fairy Godmother who will miraculously transform you into a success, then this is not the webpage or site for you. Success always follows effort.
Question – Are you prepared to work at being a success?
Affirm – “I will learn from others.”
JANUARY 1
From Resolution to Revolution
“Your resolution to succeed is more important than any other thing.” – Abraham Lincoln (1809–1865)
If you move from wishing to winning, then a revolution must take place in your life.
3 Steps from Wishing to Winning
Step 1 Information covering both what and how to change.
Step 2 Inspiration to motivate you to want to change.
Step 3 Implementation of the change.
Some books give lots of inspirational examples. This gives the reader an emotional high, but because they’re not sure what to do or how to do it, enthusiasm can soon give way to discouragement.
Each day, I will give you some information and hopefully some inspiration. I will end with a question and an affirmation; this is the implementation stage.
. Think about the question during the day.
. Repeat the affirmations, out loud is more effective, several times during the day.
Question – Are you prepared for a revolution in your life?
Affirmation – “I want a revolution in my life.”
Theme For the Month of January – The Foundations of Success
Quotation of the Month
“Those who wish to succeed must ask the right foundational questions.” – Aristotle (4th century B.C.)
Map of the month
The Right Foundational Questions
- Where are you?
- What is success?
- Who are the people that succeed?
- How and why did they succeed?
- When will I succeed?
A Meditation for the Month
“Success does not depend upon circumstances… education… or brilliant intellect… Success comes… by constructive thought, followed by action and sustained effort, all directed by a strong purpose towards a definite goal.” Henry T Hamblin – The Fundamentals of True Success
A Promise
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11
A Prayer
“O Thou, who art ever the same, grant us so to pass through the coming year with faithful hearts, that we may be able in all thin
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